some babies just...

Lots of News!

2011-11-02T13:59:00.006-05:00

Things have rapidly been changing for us here in Salina. We've already experienced several ups and downs, but are continuing to love our life here. This week, Michael and I decided that it would probably be best if we rented a home. Michael is still searching for the right job here and we're continuing to seek God's wisdom on what steps to take next. We're currently looking for a place that we can rent for about 6-12 months so we can get on our feet again and hopefully by a house soon. All in God's timing, right? We've been having a lot of fun hanging out with family and friends. We feel confident that God is going to continue to grow these relationships and take them to an unbelievable level.

But, we do have some great news! I have a job!! I recently took a position as an T-LPC at Sandstone Bridge Center here in Salina. I love the ladies I work with and I think my future at Sandstone will be a bright one. I already have a few clients and am hoping to acquire more in the next several months. So, if you know of anyone seeking a counselor, especially if they're seeking a Christian counselor, please feel free to give them my name!

Also, we have chosen a new church home. It feels good to finally have a church family again. Our pastor and his wife are wonderful and we are really looking forward to what God has in store for us here in Salina, by being involved in this church. New Community Church is much smaller than what we were accustomed to in Texas, but we have a strong feeling that this church is about to explode with growth. I was telling my friend Traci that it reminds me of what Milestone Church was probably like when they were just in the cafetorium. Now look at them!! And, boy, was I surprised to take Gabriel to children's church and find out that they were using Elevate curriculum!! The pastor's wife was a little taken aback to find out that one of the actors and writers of the curriculum she was using was now attending her church in Salina, KS!

We've been fortunate enough to attend a few KSU football games with the boys and what fun they've had. Gabriel now knows how to chant K-S-U Wildcats! K-S-U Wildcats! Needless to say, Daddy and Mommy are proud. And the boys look so cute decked out in their purple on game days! We've also gotten to attend a local parade and now, every time we go down Santa Fe with Gabriel, he asks if we can watch the parade. He's in for a treat when they do the Light Up Downtown parade for the holiday season!

I also had the opportunity to attend my sorority's 20th anniversary at the KSU campus. KSU Sigma Kappas from 20+ years back attended a very nice celebration weekend that the active members put together. It was great to catch up with some sisters I hadn't seen in years and others that I had lost touch with. It was funny to learn that the same drama is still occuring at the house, 10+ years after I was there!

Then, just a couple of days ago, we got to experience our first Halloween as a family in Salina. My boys were so cute!! Gabriel was Batman and Dominic was Robin. Both boys were so patient with going to visit all of our family to show off their costumes. And wow, did they rack in the candy. We had so much fun with them, Gabriel especially. It was really great to get a break from the stress of not having our own place - t0 just let go and have fun together as a family. Not to mention all the yummy candy Michael and I now get to steal from our kids!

Strangely enough, we found out that it's going to snow tonight! SNOW!!!! We've been back in Salina for 4 months and we're already going to experience snow!!! I'm so excited! We haven't really gotten to enjoy fall for too long, but regardless, I'm happy for cooler weather. Now we just need to get moved into a home and we'll be set for the winter!

And we can't forget to keep the black knight at bay. :)

9 weeks in

2011-09-14T11:41:00.007-05:00

We've officially been back in Salina for 9 weeks now. God has provided in amazing ways. We have had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with our family and have been blessed to have been able to reconnect with old friends. Here are some highlights we've been able to enjoy since being back.

1. It's QUIET at night and you can see the stars!
2. We can see our family any time we want!
3. We can walk to the park and play outside because it's not a million degrees outside.
4. Three words: Salina Public Library.
5. Gabriel started preschool and soccer!
6. DATE NIGHTS with FREE babysitting!
7. Season tickets to the community theater!
8. K-State Football games!
9. It takes 10 minutes to get across town.
10. Bogeys, Dairy Queen, and Rolling Hills Refuge....need I say more?

But there are a few areas that we're still seeking guidance on. We'd appreciate any prayers you could shoot our way on the following things.

1. Jobs for both Michael and I.
2. Finding a church home. We've been trying out several churches in the area and have come to realization that we were SUPER spoiled in Keller. Everything from the music to the teaching style was incredible and done with excellence. That's not to say we aren't going to find that here in Salina - it's more of adjusting our expectations and find out where God wants us to be. We are ready to be connected to a body of believers in Christ and develop some new friendships, ones that can keep us accountable to the mission we feel we have been called to.
3. Finding a new home. My in-laws have been so gracious to allow us to stay with them for the past 9 weeks with our two boys. It's been fun hanging out and getting to share meals together. But, we are really ready for our own place. Both Michael and I are ready to find our own "home" and establish some normalcy for our boys. The past 9 weeks of staying here as been such a blessing, but we hope God opens up some doors (literally!) soon to allow us to make our own home here in Salina. And I'm pretty sure my in-laws will be happy to have their garage and their basement back!

Overall, we are very happy with our move back home. We both feel confident that this move home was the right now. Now we wait on God to shine light on the next part of the path. At this point, we feel as though we're in a holding pattern, but for what purpose? Until we figure that out, we'll continue working at being content with where we are. But let's end on a positive note! Here are a few more snap shots of the last 9 weeks here in Salina.

God's Provision

2011-07-05T14:56:00.007-05:00

You know when you have a secret that is super awesome, but you've sworn not to tell anyone? I've been attempting to manage that anxious feeling for a while now. Finally, I can let the cat out of the bag.

We're moving back to Kansas!

Right before we got pregnant with Dominic, we had thrown around the idea of putting our house on the market and moving to a bigger house. Moving back to Kansas had always been a pull for us, but we didn't know how we were going to make that work. Then I got pregnant and all plans to put the house on the market got put on hold. I wanted to have our baby in a Texas hospital, using the same doctor that delivered Gabriel. But after being pregnant for a few months, Michael and I started feeling that pull again. We felt the Lord prompting us to put the house on the market again.

But wasn't the market terrible? Did we even stand a chance at selling our house? Although not super optimistic, we decided to move forward and contact a realtor. We met a fabulous group of folks with ReMax Masters and had a very honest discussion with our soon to be realtors, Bill & Pat Evans. The numbers didn't look good. As it stood, we looked at taking at least a $20,000 hit on our house. Yowza! The Evans tell told us to call them when we were ready to make a decision. So, back to praying we went.

As we approached Dominic being born, the pull to move closer to family grew stronger and stronger. We agonized over the decision. We'd made some terrific friends in Texas, Michael had a good job. Moving to Kansas would be crazy...but then when you follow what God wants you to do, you sometimes have to do what seems crazy (you know, that whole "lean not on your own understanding part"). Two weeks after Dominic arrived, I called Bill back. We were ready. Then Michael and I started praying even harder. If we were going to do this, we needed some clear direction from the Lord and He was going to have to provide a way to make this happen. We asked Him over and over again:

"Are you sure you want us to move?"

"Do we stay in Texas or move to Kansas?"

"What about a job for Michael?"

The only answer we heard consistently was, "Trust Me." So that's what we did. And 86 days after making the decision to put our house on the market, we going to be selling our home AND Michael is going to be able to stay on at his job until he finds a new one in Kansas. GOD PROVIDES!

The day we moved in! When we were the only kids on the block!

It's official! SOLD!

I want to extend a special thank you to Bill & Pat Evans, and let us not forget sweet Carla! We could not have done this without you!! There were been a few road blocks along the way, but God has proven His faithfulness through every one of them. Although we'll have to live with our parents for a couple months to get back on our feet, we feel certain that this is the path God has intended us to take. We're trusting Him.

Michael and I are extremely excited about this next chapter of our lives with our boys. Although it's bittersweet to leave our Texas family, especially our sweet church family at Milestone, there is great joy at thinking about how God is going to use us in new and creative ways in our home town. And the grandparents are just a "little" excited!

Milestone Church - we will miss you so much!

So, farewell, Texas. You've been a fabulous home these past 8 years. We'll always think of you fondly.

A New Normal

2011-05-21T05:08:00.006-05:00

Right after Dominic was born, I fell into a panic. My life seemed out of control. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage having two little ones. I'd forgotten how demanding a nursing infant could be and throwing in an attention seeking 3 year old was a variable I hadn't fully accounted for. In the hospital, I had my first "What the heck am I doing? Can I do this? How will I love both my children equally?" moment. My friends Sabrina, Kristen, and Shannon got to see this first hand. I began to sob. This was going to be hard and I didn't know how I was going to do it. When were things going to go back to normal? Then my friends gave me some perspective.

"You'll create a new normal."

At the time, I wasn't sure what this meant. Through the blur of my tears, I knew my friends were trying to be supportive and I appreciated them letting me be transparent about how inadequate I felt as a mom. Now, I'm 9 weeks into being a mother of two, and sure enough, I've created a new normal. Initially, it wasn't going so well. But after getting some help from my doctor and evening myself out, I was able to see a little clearer and grasp what being a mother of two was about. It's tough, no doubt about it. But I'm finding that it's very fulfilling. Right before my eyes, my "baby" has turned into a 3 year old, independent, more self-reliant individual. He's actually been a big help. He assists with diaper changes, and helping me carry things when I've got my hands full of his screaming brother. I've also gotten to witness the newly formed bond that Gabriel now has with Dominic. I was so nervous about how Gabriel would take to having to share our attention with this new little person. He's amazed me. He loves his brother so much and wants nothing more than to play with him, talk to him, make him smile, and give him hugs and kisses. The tenderness in his heart overwhelms me and I'm thankful that their brotherly relationship has started off well.

Getting anywhere on time with two children is a skill I have yet to master (and from what I hear from other parents, I may never master it). But I suppose that's part of my new normal as well. We're finally getting into a routine and I even got 5 full hours of sleep last night. (Granted, I did get up after 3 to check on him, just to make sure he was still breathing!) I'm settling into my new role as a mother of "sons," and I'm liking it. Dominic has added so much to our family and we're so happy he's apart of the plan that God has laid out for Michael and I. I'm sure there will still be several adjustments to our life along the way, but I think I'm finally at a point where I can navigate them with a little more grace.

I know you're jealous...

2011-05-14T18:20:00.001-05:00

...that I get to hang out with this cutie!

Happy Weekend!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Fluff Frenzy

2011-04-28T11:41:00.006-05:00

Photo Credit: Love and Whimsy Photography

I didn't know it was possible to become addicted to diapers. Cloth diapers, that is. We are in love with them! Who knew that cute prints and fluffy little bottoms would be something I didn't get tired of?

We've been "CDing" it (cloth diapering) for 7 weeks now and I love it even more than I did when we first started. There are some that would be skeptical about starting to cloth diaper, but let me expel some myths for you about cloth diapering.

1. "I'll have to use pins and old Birdseye cloth diapers. What a hassle, not to mention unflattering."

Nope. Truth is there are so many options out there for cloth diapering mommies and daddies now that it can actually be like trying to find a prom dress. They're all so cute, but which ones do I choose? We have a variety of cloth diapers to choose from, which I like. I'm glad we aren't an "all one system" family. My husband has his favorites and I have mine. Surprisingly, my favorites are prefolds! (These are the ones that are most similar to the cloth diapers our grandparents used. But the upgrade is no pins and they have the most adorable diaper covers for them!) My husband prefers the pocket diapers. These are diapers you can use just like a disposable, except they're reusable! Each night after the diapers are clean and dry, I stuff microfiber inserts into the pocket liners and then they're ready to use the next morning. You put them on baby just like a regular diaper! Diaper changes are fast and easy!

2. "I'll have to spend so much money up front. We just can't afford it."

Well, this might be somewhat true but not completely. When you figure in the cost of buying newborn diapers for the first month or two, you've about covered your cost. The beauty of cloth diapering is you spend it once and don't have to spend money again! (Unless you get sucked into buying more diapers because they're so cute...not that I do that...) Cloth diapering can be done as little as around $100, upwards to $400-500. It just depends on the system you choose. As I mentioned, we chose a mixture of diapers including all-in-ones, pockets, prefolds, and fitteds. To date, I spent around $300 total. That included about 24 different diapers, diaper creams, detergent, snappies and a wet bag. I would have spent this on disposables within the first two or so months.

3. "They'll be so messy. Eww. Can't deal with all the poo."

Seriously? Have you ever used a disposable? They are notorious for blowouts and leaks! Another great thing about cloth diapers is that they fit around your child better to contain blowouts and leaks. Unlike a disposable, cloth diapers have elastic in the back, containing blowouts and leaks better. And washing them is a breeze. Because Dominic is strictly breastfed, his dirty diapers are totally water soluble. At night, I just toss the whole wet bag of diapers in and wash up! No mess, no hassle. When he starts solids, I'll have a nifty little device called a diaper sprayer that will just spray the poo off into the toilet. No dunking and swirling required. And really, if you're afraid of poo, you might rethink being a parent if you haven't had kids yet. Poo is inevitable, as is spit up, vomit, and getting peed on. Get used to it.

4. "It's a total pain to wash all those diapers. And you're using up so much water!"
Wrong. It's easy. I actually look forward to doing my diaper laundry. I know that sounds strange since I dispise all other kinds of laundry. But doing fluffy laundry is fun! How can you deny that a full clothesline of diapers is stinkin' cute? And if we're talking about harming the environment, have you considered how many disposable diapers are just sitting in landfills, NOT breaking down? Billions! Sure, we use a little more water now that we're doing an extra load of laundry a day. But compared to the harm those disposables are doing in landfills, I think my conscience can rest happily knowing I'm not putting another diaper in our landfills.

Photo Credit: Love and Whimsy Photography

5. "They're not practical for out and about usage."
Sure they are! That's why amazing women (and men) around the globe have come up with new and improved cloth diapering systems that cater to busy parents. Packing up a few cloth diapers when I go out is no more impractical than carrying several disposables in a diaper bag. I have a little wet bag that I keep in my diaper bag that the used diaper can go into. Then I take it home and wash it up with the rest of the day's diapers. Now I realize that cloth diapering can intimate folks that are not used to it or have no experience with it. I haven't jumped ship entirely and abandoned disposables all together. If I were leaving my child in the church nursery, at this point, I'd probably send my baby in a disposable. But if it's just me, toolin' around town, we're CDing all the way! They're no more of a pain than changing a disposable and I can use my diapers all over again the next day!

As I stated in an earlier post about cloth diapering, we are not doing this entirely for the "green" reasons. Our driving force behind cloth diapering our son was to save money. Let's face it, times are tough and money's tight in a one income household. You've got to pinch pennies where you can. We've found that cloth diapering our baby is an easy and fun way to do this. I'm not against disposables for others. If that works best for you, go for it. But this system has been life changing for us and I wish I had figured CDing out earlier and had used them for Gabriel. We could have saved thousands of dollars, literally.

If you're throwing around the idea of CDing your babies, I'd encourage you to do a lot of research to figure out what system would work best for you. You might want to use a hybrid system like me, or maybe you've fallen in love with a particular brand. Give it a shot and try it out for a couple months. In the end, if you try it out and don't like it (which I haven't heard many that don't) you can always go back. All you've spent is a couple months worth of diapers. Check out great information websites like theclothdiaperwhisperer.com, kellyscloset.com, jackbenatural.com, and diaperjungle.com. These are just a few sites that have great information and are great places to purchase cloth. Or host a diaper party! I did this (see Febuary's posts for my experience with this), and loved it. It was so informative and allowed me to really decide what kind of system I'd want to invest in. Bottom line, consider it. My guess is you'll fall in love with it too. Then you may be trying to figure out how to come up with extra money to purchase more fluff for your baby...not that I do that either.

The Heart Expands

2011-03-26T17:47:00.008-05:00

When I thought about my second son arriving into this great big world of ours, I knew I would love him. But I worried that I wouldn't be able to love him as much as my first son. Gabriel had been our world for the last 3 years. How would it even be possible to love another little being as much as we loved Gabriel? Well, on March 16th, both my husband and I found out that God has the amazing ability to double the size of your heart in a matter of moments.

Tuesday, March 15th started out like any other day. My parents were in town, anticipating the arrival of their second grandchild, and I was thankful to have them to help me with my rambunctious little two year old. That morning I woke up with slight cramping, but didn't think too much about it. I had a doctor's appointment set for 3:00 that afternoon and after visiting with her, we'd find out if this little guy was going to be making an appearance any time soon. After my lovely examination, I found out that I was still only dilated to a measly 1.

Now, Michael and I had been moving forward with plans to have me attempt a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean), but at this rate, Dominic was getting very, very big. We couldn't wait much longer and my chances of having a successful VBAC were fading away. So, we decided that we would go ahead and plan to have another C-Section for March 17th. We chose the 17th because we thought it would be fun to have a St. Patty's Day Baby.

But Dominic had other plans.

That evening, Michael and I decided to have one last "Family of Three" date. We took Gabriel out to eat at our favorite Mexican Restaurant and then ventured out to Target to find a St. Patrick's Day onesie. As I was waddling around (yes, I really did waddle), Target, I noticed I was starting to cramp a lot. Little did I know that a couple hours later, I would start to have contractions. By 9:00pm, my contractions were about 7 minutes apart and by midnight they were sitting at 5 minutes apart.

Michael quickly called my parents to come over from their hotel to stay with Gabriel and he whisked me off to the hospital. I have to say, it was touching and funny to see my husband getting nervous and excited about the arrival of our baby. I was really going into labor on my own, something I didn't get to experience with Gabriel. By 12:30, we were checked into the hospital and the nurses began monitoring my contractions. I had bumped up to a 2, and the contractions were coming on stronger. After deciding that I was not going home and that I was indeed having the baby within the next 24 hours, things began to happen rather quickly. I received my epidural around 4:00am and was soon out of the pain of natural childbirth. Around 10am, I suddenly felt a POP! and I got to experience my water breaking. I know that might seem a bit much to share, but you have to understand, these were all firsts for me. I didn't to go through any of this with my first child. The doctor came into check me and I had made it all the way up to a 7! That was 3 higher than I made it to with Gabriel!

My doctor was wanting to monitor my contractions a little closer and decided to put a pressure monitor in, but as she was doing so, things went wrong. My blood pressure suddenly dropped, which was the strangest feeling in the world. I thought I was going to pass out. Immediately after my blood pressure took a nose dive, Dominic's heart rate dropped. I saw concern wash over my doctor's face and she looked at me and said, "Kristina, we have to get him out now." At that moment, I didn't care what they had to do or what goals I had set. I wanted my baby safe.

"GET HIM OUT!" I cried.

Soon 10 people were in my hospital room, rushing me to the OR. Someone threw the "Daddy Suit" at Michael and told him to get dressed. They quickly took me to the OR and started prepping for surgery. I've never seen people move so fast. I was completely overwhelmed and started crying. Was my baby going to be okay? Could they get him out in time? I had been told that attempting a VBAC was risky and I prayed that God would wrap his arms of protection around Dominic and I. Through my tears, I saw my doctor come over to me and although she was concerned, she was ready and confident that everything would be okay. She took my hand and squeezed it, telling me that Dominic was okay and that they were going to get him out as soon as possible.

Now, from where I was lying, it seemed as though it was taking FOREVER for them to get him out. But Michael told me that from the time they took me into surgery to the time Dominic arrived, it was a only a matter of about 7 minutes. It amazes me how fast and precise those doctors and nurses can be.

Michael was right by my side the whole time. I continued to cry, pleading with him to reassure me everything was okay. Not too long after that, I heard the beautiful wail of a newborn! My baby was here! And he was perfect! Michael joined in with me in tears of celebration and relief that we were now a family of 4! Immediately, I felt God expand my heart. I loved him unconditionally the second he arrived.

Dominic Isaiah was born at 12:48pm on March 16th. He was 9 lbs, 8 oz and 22.25" long. No wonder he wouldn't fit!! When he emerged, my doctor's first sentence to him was, "Well, Happy 3 Month Birthday to you, little guy!"

My doctor also told me that his cord had wrapped around his neck a couple of times and that the pressure of my contractions was difficult on him, hence the drop in heart rate. Thankfully, all was well and Dominic was in perfect condition.

As I sat in our recovery room together with my family, I was in awe at how good God was to us. We now had a beautiful, perfect, little family of four and I was forever grateful. Now begins the journey of raising my rambunctious toddler and an itty-bitty newborn. I love them both more than I ever could have imagined and I can't wait to see how much more I'll love them as time goes on.

D-Day - as in Due Day!

2011-03-14T11:27:00.003-05:00

This baby has been the most stubborn little boy ever. Tomorrow officially marks our due date and we still have yet to see him arrive. I guess he's nice and comfy inside my belly. Both Michael and I are ready to meet him and are anxiously awaiting his arrival.

We decided early on that I was going to try to have a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) with Dominic if God should so allow, but the longer time goes on and the bigger Dominic gets, the chances of that happening is slipping away. As of last Tuesday, I was barely dilated to a 1. After much prayer and consideration, we decided that if he hasn't come by tomorrow, we're going to schedule a C-section for Thursday. He may still decide to come earlier, but we then have a definite date, and the chances of him getting bigger in utero lessens. He's already projected to be about 8.5 to 9 lbs now! So, right now, we wait. He's still moving around a lot and blessing me with contractions. :)

I also wanted to share a couple of pictures that my friend Shelley Foster took of me. She's an amazing photographer and surprised me with this little maternity shoot as a baby gift for Dominic. I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful friend and very talented photographer. Enjoy!

Totally Hooked on Cloth

2011-02-25T08:34:00.005-06:00

So Dominic's arrival is just a couple of weeks away (or it could be tomorrow, who knows). As I've shared with you, we're getting ready to cloth diaper our little guy this time around and I am already completely sold out to cloth diapering without even trying it. I'm addicted to the cuter than cute fluff that is available for babies and the idea of saving THOUSANDS of dollars on diapers makes me giddy with glee!

This coming Monday, I'm hosting a Cloth Diapering party at my house and I'm so excited! Kristi Rooks from Hip Green Baby is coming to give demonstrations on how to use cloth diapers and give a run down on what options are available right now for cloth diapering families. Not only does she sell some of the major brands of cloth diapers (FuzziBunz, SoftBums, Kissaluvs, Thirsties, etc), she also makes her own. Now, you all know I'm a sucker for people that craft their own things, so her innovation and devotion to making her own cloth diapers to sell brings a smile to my face. WAY TO GO! I've got 6 other mommies that are going to be attending and I'm hoping that they're going to fall in love with cloth as much as I have.

So far, I've purchased 4 Fuzzibunz diapers, 3 Bum Genius 4.0's, and 1 Thirsties Diaper cover (planning on purchasing some prefolds from Kristi on Monday). I ordered all of these from Kellys Closet, an amazing cloth diapering online store and resource center. They also have a fantastic blog called The Cloth Diaper Whisperer that I've started following. One of the deals that the store had was that if you purchased $59 in cloth diapers, you could receive a FREE cloth diaper (up to a $22 value). Well, I was going to be purchasing my initial stash, so I said, "Sign me up!" When all my sweet fluff came in the mail a couple of weeks ago, inside was a Sunshine Yellow Rumparooz. SOOO CUTE! I'm also planning on purchasing some SoftBums diapers on Monday. I've already seen Kristi do a demonstration at another friends house and she's amazing. I was very impressed with how knowledgeable she was about cloth diapering. I also appreciated that she taught us about cloth diapering in such a way that the fear often associated with moving from disposables to cloth lessened a great deal. I can not wait to put Dominic in these diapers. I've actually been considering putting Gabriel in a cloth diaper at night and moving away from using disposables all together for him, especially since he only uses one a day.

Don't be surprised if my blog starts to have more cloth diapering posts. Eventually, I'm even going to start making my own wipes. I'm all about saving a buck and transitioning to this style of living is going to save us hundreds!

Snowed In

2011-02-04T15:48:00.008-06:00

Back in 2003, as I was waving goodbye to the Kansas and Oklahoma borders and saying a big hello to the state of Texas, I never thought I would miss my good ol' home state. This week, reminded me of the fondness I have for dear old Kansas.

On Tuesday, Texas experienced a true "Arctic Blast" (a phrase used a least once a year here to describe a few snowflakes falling). This year was different than years past, as Texas got more than it bargained for. Starting early Tuesday morning freezing rain and then sleet, along with frigid temps began beating on homes, businesses, and streets across the state and before you knew it, the great DFW metroplex was shut down. And I mean literally shut down. People didn't, and really couldn't leave their homes. By the end of Tuesday, at least in our neighborhood, we had about one and a half inches of ice everywhere.

Now it is a known fact that Texans have absolutely no clue what to do with true winter weather. This Kansas girl often laughs and becomes cynical of people whining about the annual snow apocalypse. But I have to say, this time around, it was really bad. So bad, schools around the metroplex were canceled for four days! My husband even stayed home those four days because there was no way he could drive the car on the streets, even with our four wheel drive. Apparently DFW has not seen the value in investing in salt trucks...

But today, day four of being stuck and frozen, beauty was brought in. Snow started falling early this morning and by 7 am the ground was blanketed in white. Cars were still not moving on the streets, but the temps had risen to a balmy 18 degrees. As I let our dachshund outside, I smiled, seeing the little birds hoping from branch to branch behind our house, tweeting a sweet song to welcome the day. My heart swelled and I thought of Kansas. This kind of weather is a pretty common occurrence in the Heartland, but I don't think I appreciated the beauty of it until I moved to Texas and had been so far away from it.

Now I won't lie, it's been a challenge to keep my two year old cooped up inside this house the past week. I thought I was about to go crazy if I couldn't get him outside and burn off some energy. But God smiled and blessed us with warmer temperatures, some sunshine and a lot of fun snow to roll around in....and by us, I mean my two year old and his 8 month pregnant mommy. That's right, 34 weeks pregnant and I made a snow angel right along with my son. Here's to you, Kansas. I miss you and your four seasons.

4 to 6 weeks

2011-01-31T10:10:00.008-06:00

It's officially happening. God is starting to prepare me for the arrival of a second child. The nights of full sleep, or even just waking up once to pee are officially over. It's now up to pee 3-4 times and rolling over every 45 minutes or so each night. My days of sleep and feeling rested are over, at least for a year.

And surprisingly, I'm okay with that.

33 weeks pregnant and measuring at 35. EEK!

Dominic's going to be officially joining our family in just a month or so and I'm starting to get a little nervous. People are constantly asking me, "Are you excited?" Well, yes. I'm excited to meet this new child that God has blessed us with and allowed me to be a mother of. But am I excited about losing time with my first child, losing sleep and possibly losing my mind from being busy and overwhelmed? Um, no. I'm a wee bit frightened.

But I have to say, I think I'm going into the arrival of this baby with much more mental preparation than I did with Gabriel. Here are just a few things I've learned from Baby 1 to Baby 2.

1. The first 3-4 weeks will totally suck. There is no getting around it. There will be no sleep. I will be completely exhausted. But it will eventually end and I will get into a rhythm.

2. I will absolutely take all the help I can get from family and friends. I am not super mom and God has put these people in my life for a reason. Sometimes that reason will be to take Gabriel on a play date or hold Dominic while I take a shower. I am not above asking for help.

3. The laundry and the dishes will pile up. Eventually I will get to them, but I am not going to stress out if my house is not vaccuumed and everything is not in it's proper place.

4. My husband is my biggest ally. We will work as a team to transition our family from 3 to 4.

And the biggest thing I learned from Baby 1 to Baby 2 -

5. If I start to get sad or depressed, it's okay. But I will immediately let my doctor know and take action to get out of my slump as quickly as possible. I will not isolate myself from others and will try to get out into the world as quickly as I can.

I realize that with Baby 2, new insights will be realized and if/when we have Baby 3, I'll have even more things to add to that list. Right now, Baby D is measuring about 2 weeks early, so the arrival of our newest little guy could be here in just a month. Hopefully the transition to having a new child and Gabriel's transition to having a new brother will go smoother than I could ever imagine. Here's to God stretching me.

On another note related to preparing for Dominic's arrival, we've been working hard on getting his room ready. Michael and I cleaned out our guest bedroom, strategically hiding more junk in the garage and attic. Michael's been amazing, painting Dominic's room and being his perfectionist designer self, adding little touches that will make his room unique. I've been sewing like crazy and putting together Dominic's bedding set. I decided to make his bedding this time around and am happy to say that it's turning out fantastic! So far, I have the crib skirt and one crib sheet done. I'm about halfway done with his blanket, but it's coming along great too. I've included a couple of snap shots of his room and bedding in progress. It's not finished yet, but it's really coming together nicely and should be finished in the next couple of weeks. Our little guy is going to be stylin'!

I also celebrated turning the big 3-0 with an amazing 80's themed birthday party that Michael hosted for me. It was so much fun! Seeing an 8 month pregnant girl dressed in flash dance attire is a sight to see, by the way. I didn't even think it was possible to get my bangs that high anymore. My friends were great, dressing up and really getting into the theme of the evening.

I know the next several weeks are going to fly by and before we know it, we'll be a family of four. Right now, I'm just so thankful to be surrounded by good friends and family that are willing to come on the ride with us!

The Final Countdown

2011-01-11T11:13:00.007-06:00

Today marks my 31st week of being pregnant with our second child. I'm astonished that 31 weeks have already gone by and that in just about 8-9 more weeks, we'll meet our newest little family member.

Over Christmas, Michael and I came to the realization that subsequent children tend to get the shaft. I realize that a lot of this is accounted for by the fact that we're chasing after a two and a half year old all day, every day. But I don't want this baby to look back on the days before he was born and think, "Gee, Mom and Dad, thanks. I feel robbed." I haven't been as diligent about taking pregnancy photos to document my growing belly. My pregnancy journal is not nearly as detailed as I'd like it to be. We have yet to paint his nursery (although we're working on it this weekend), or buy him a crib or even a car seat for that matter.

But does that mean we love him any less? Absolutely not. We can not wait to meet this new little addition to our family and for Gabriel to experience what it's like to have a little brother. I'm sure after his arrival, we'll be very busy spoiling him with hugs, kisses and all the things we did to let Gabriel know we were so happy to have him in our lives. In the meantime, we need to get the ball rolling and prepare for his arrival a little more efficiently. I tried getting more efficient by taking a picture of my growing belly over Christmas!

Big baby at 29 weeks - already measuring 2 weeks early!

This pregnancy has been 180 degrees different than my pregnancy with Gabriel. First of all, I was extremely sick the first 15 weeks of my pregnancy - leading me to believe that he was going to be a she. Second, I haven't gained very much weight (praise God!). Third, I've been much more laid back (after my initial 16 weeks) about the safety and well being of this baby boy. Early on in my pregnancy I was very worried that something was going to happen to cause me to lose the pregnancy. I had several friend who were due around the same day I was that were losing their pregnancies and I was sure that I was going to be next. We experienced a miscarriage before we had Gabriel and it shook our world up for sure. But towards the 15-16th week of my ridiculous worrying and crying spells, Michael turned to me one night and said,

"Do you trust God, Kristina?"

I looked at him through my blurry eyes, tears still streaming down my face and was about to retort, "Well yes, of course I do."

But I stopped and thought about it. Did I trust Him? I knew I trusted Him with my marriage, with our finances, with our job situations, with our friends - with a whole lot of things. But did I trust Him with this pregnancy?

"No. I guess I don't. I want to. But I don't know how."

It took a lot of praying and encouraging from some solid Christian women as well as my amazing husband to teach me how to trust God with all things, including this new little life inside me. And the incredible part of my learning this was, once I put my trust in Him, my worries of another miscarriage went away. It didn't mean that I didn't understand that it was a possibility. But it meant that I could trust Him to take care of me - good or bad - and that in the end, His love for me would never fail.

Thankfully, this pregnancy has been very smooth and for the most part, very enjoyable. As the weeks go by, I get more excited about finally being able to meet my new son. It's going to be a change for sure, going from a family of three to a family of four. But it's something I wouldn't trade in for anything.

We can't wait to meet you, Dominic.

The Year was 1981....

2011-01-05T08:00:00.001-06:00

Today is the day. I'm officially in a new age bracket. Today is the day I turned 30. And on such days, it's fun to look back at what was going on the year you were born. Back in 1981:

1. The first DeLorean sports cars roll off the assembly line.

2. Prince Charles and Diana Spencer marry July 29.

3. Music Television was born

4. Tom Cruise makes his acting debut.

5. Sandra Day O'Connor becomes first female Supreme Court Justice.

6. A stamp only cost $.15!

7. The 1st space shuttle called the Columbia launches for the first time.

8. Olivia Newton John's song, "Let's Get Physicial" is a number one hit.

9. The US Agriculture Department tries making ketchup a school lunch vegetable

10. Atari releases home version of Pac-Man in the US and sparks a huge craze

It seems to me that most people "my age" don't really freak out too much about turning 30, and I didn't think I would either. But to be honest, it's a little unnerving to say that I'm no longer in my 20's. Not that I feel like I'm old and playing my last round, but there's something different, something, "maturing", about turning 30. Here are just a few things I've realized about myself now that I'm thirty and officially an adult.

1. Coloring my hair is no longer just for fun. It really is a necessity to hide all those grays.

2. Staying up past midnight is absolutely crazy and if I chose to be so nuts, it will take me at least 24 to 48 hours to recover from loss of sleep.

3. My body does not bounce back the way it once did.

4. I now relish a cup of coffee.

5. Naps are a gift from God.

6. The experience of being a wife and a mother far out-way the fun I had as a 20 something girl, playing the field.

7. Staying at home on a Friday night, curled up on the couch with my husband is my idea of a fabulous date.

8. Friendships are not disposable and it's important to put forth the effort to keep them active, alive and healthy.

9. Staying true to my convictions as a Christ follower are of greater importance than trying to fit in with the main stream society.

10. God willing, I've only lived a third of my life!

Those are just ten of many things I've realized and I'm sure the next 30 years will bring about more epiphanies. I know in just the upcoming year I have a lot to look forward to! Here's to you 30. May you be the beginning of a great era in my life.

The Christmas Card Debate

2010-12-21T12:43:00.004-06:00

I was recently flipping through a magazine and came across an article on the outgoing trend of sending Christmas cards. The author seemed very sure that this was an "old-fashioned, out-dated" tradition and that we should all embrace technology and do away with the old through-the-mail ritual. This saddened me.

For as long as I can remember, my Grandma Phyllis would always send out an annual Christmas card and a Christmas newsletter. They were so much fun to receive for a variety of reasons. The first was that you could always look forward to getting something in the mail that was not a bill. The second reason was to see how many Guidepost/LWML/Feed the Children stickers she would slap on the envelope. The third, and most important was the annual family newsletter. Grandma would document to all on the mailing list what was happening in her own life as well as the lives of her children and grandchildren. Even though I was always able to be present at most of these detailed events, it was fun to have a yearly account of what went on in all our lives.

As I became an adult, I decided that when I got married, I wanted to carry on that tradition with my own family. So the first year Michael and I were married, we sat down and wrote our first Christmas letter. It was fun to see what we had accomplished over the year and where we wanted to go for the next year. The first couple of years, we received oodles of cards and newsletters similar to ours. It was such a great way to stay in touch with those you went to college with or friends who had since moved away. I loved receiving pictures of my friends and their kids, seeing how each family had changed or remained exactly the same over the year. But as time as gone by, the letters/cards have gotten fewer and fewer. To be frank, it feels as though the merriment of Christmas cards has dwindled. Of the 50 people we send out cards to each year, I think we've only received about 15 actual cards in reciprocation. I believe this is a result of one of two things. Either we are loosing friends and being cut from lists (which I pray is not the case), or people are doing away with this age-old tradition. Maybe I'm particular, but there's something much more special to me about receiving a real card and update from friends and family in the actual mail, than receiving an e-card or a generic "Merry Christmas" to everyone I know on Facebook.

What do you think? The only con I see for sending out the cards is the cost of postage and the cards themselves if you're trying to cut back. But I believe the pros outweigh the cons considerably. My hope is that my friends, family, and readers of my blog that do send out letters/cards will continue to carry on this tradition. You're helping spread Christmas cheer to our family for sure!

Merry Christmas!!

Reflecting

2010-12-08T15:05:00.004-06:00

As I was rocking my sniffling little boy this morning, I was reflecting on how blessed I was. It seems odd to have this thought pop in your head when you're awakened at 5:45am to the sound of crying and your little one suffering from a runny nose and a fever. But in the midst of his tears and little whimpers, I thought about how much I have and how thankful I am to be where I'm at in life. Here are just a few of the things I considered myself blessed with this morning.

1. My relationship with Jesus - This is something I have been blessed with for a long time, but seldom have the courage to talk about. Sure, people know I'm a Christian, but what exactly does that mean? To me, it means that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus Christ died for my sins and has redeemed me. He is my bridge to a relationship with God the Father and I'm so grateful that He guides me through life. I've lived the life without God in it. It's not worth it. Sin is fun for a while, but it definitely catches up to you. And when it does, God is still there, waiting for you to come back, to restore you. I'm grateful that I figured this out pretty early on in college. I'm not perfect, things are not always easy for me, nor do I have life all figured out. But the one thing I do know at the end of the day is that Jesus loves me, no matter what. And that when everything and everyone else fails me, He's always there - encouraging me to stay the course and to trust in Him.

2. My family - Really it doesn't get much better than this. I have the most amazing husband in the whole world. He loves me in a sexy dress and even when I've whipped out the tattered sweatpants. Nothing tells you a man loves you more than when he'll snuggle with you in ratty sweats, wearing no make up, and your hair looks like Woody the Woodpecker may have tried to create a home in it. My son is also incredible. Although parenting has not been an easy adventure, I have a pretty well-behaved, respectful, sweet, and handsome little boy. My prayer is that his little brother will be just a duplicate of those things.

3. My church - When people say they love their church, I often wondered what they meant by that. Do they love the building? The atmosphere? The programing? Just the pastor? When I say it, I mean I love the people. All those extra things are wonderful too, but it's the people that have become dear to my heart. I have made so many friends at our church. These people don't just talk it, they live it. They are there for you when things get tough and love you enough to hold you accountable when you're too blind to see mistakes you're making. They truly love people like Jesus does.

4. Our current situation - I've been a stay at home mom for about two and a half years now. It's been an interesting journey. I've loved being able to be with Gabriel and watch him grow and develop. It's crazy to think that we've been able to manage living off of just Michael's income. (Thank the good Lord for free TV online....) Although we don't have all the latest and greatest things, nicest cars, newest clothes, or the ability to go out to eat all the time, we really do love our life. God is putting a stirring in my heart to go back to work part time after the baby is born, which is exciting and frightening all at the same time. But as it stands now, I'm content with where He has us. Michael has a good job and I'm grateful I get to spend every day molding and training my son to be a good person and a man of God.

There are many more things I'm thankful for, but in the 15 minutes I spent giving Gabriel some much needed snuggling this morning, those are the four things that really stuck out to me. I may not have all the latest and greatest things, but I've got the essentials. That's all that really matters, right?

Cloth Diapering Adventure

2010-11-03T09:03:00.004-05:00

In about 19 weeks, we're going to have a newborn again. Another adorable, chubby, sweet little boy! Just last Wednesday, I found out that Baby @#2 was going to be a boy. Which was surprising for both Michael and I, considering we were totally convinced this baby was going to be a girl. But it makes no difference to us. We can't wait to have a little guy with chubby legs, cute baby coos, soft baby skin....

However, we're not looking forward to little to no sleep, maybe getting in 2-3 showers a week, and loads of diapers.

When we had Gabriel, I always thought it would be "fun" to try cloth diapering. But I didn't think it was realistic for our family. Who has time to do laundry once a day or every other day, and ewww! Wouldn't it be gross? And what do you do when you're on the go? Aren't they super expensive?

Fast forward two and a half years with one child being in diapers. I think Huggies, Pampers, Costco, and now Target have made a small fortune on the amount of money I've spent on disposable diapers. Earlier this week, I had to go buy yet another package of diapers for Gabriel (as potty training is not going so well), and had a small heart attack when I realized how much per diaper I was spending lately. $.39 a diaper!!! Because I've got a football player in the making, my son has to wear a size 6, which is the biggest diaper they make. Which also means that I have to buy packages that contain the least amount of diapers for the same amount of money. After handing over my $15 to Target for my small box of "generic" diapers, I took a deep breath and affirmed myself that with this new baby we would be doing things differently.

My friend Lauren, who's also expecting, threw a cloth diaper party a couple of months ago and I was able to see all the different kinds of cloth diapering systems. Needless to say I was overwhelmed. But that wasn't going to turn me back to using disposables. So for the past few months, I've been researching all different kinds of diapering systems. Unfortunately, I still haven't made a decision on what we want to try. The initial investment for cloth diapering can really add up, spending close to $200-300 up front. But when you compare that to the amount of money spent on diapering a baby for two years with disposables, it's just a drop in the bucket. And, the benefits of cloth diapering as opposed to disposables are awesome too! Less diaper rash, no torn tabs, no more killing the environment. All I need to do now is make a decision on what few diapers I want to try before we take a huge plunge into a system. Here are a couple of the brands we're looking at pretty seriously. Any thoughts, suggestions, or experiences that you think would help us make an informed decision are welcome!

Soft Bums

Fuzzi Bunz

Thirsties

The Next Chapter

2010-10-16T07:56:00.004-05:00

Several years ago, I decided that I wanted to be a counselor when I grew up. And for the past seven, I've been working, slowly and steadily (as I know that's what wins the race), to complete this master's level degree. About a month ago, all of that schooling, time away from my family, and hours of studying was finally put to the test. In Mid-September, I took the long journey to Dallas to take the most difficult exam in the history of the universe....okay, maybe not, but still it is tough.

After pouring over exhaustive questions for two and a half hours, the computer system requires you to take an "exit survey". The survey asks you questions about the ease of the test administration, the friendliness of the staff, blah, blah, blah. I don't even remember what I said. What I do remember is after I hit submit, the biggest knot in my stomach erupted and I thought I might hurl. This feeling, combined with being 12 weeks pregnant and still very nauseated did not sit well. I rushed up to the counter and a sweet little lady greeted me.

"Well, honey, how did it go?"

I took in a deep breath, trying to push down my breakfast, wishing she'd be a little quicker at handing over my scores.

"I'm not sure. But that was definitely the hardest exam I have ever taken in my life."

As she reached across the printer to hand me my scores, I threw up a prayer to God, knowing that whatever the outcome, He has plans for me and those plans were to be prosperous. He also told me over and over again that morning not be anxious about anything, but I was struggling with that one. The sweet woman finally locates my name in the stack of test results, hands me my scores and looks at me hopefully, waiting for my reaction. I feverishly scan the sheet, just looking for the words pass or fail. After about 30 secs, I spot it in the upper right hand corner of the paper.

PASS.

I let out a scream, and then quickly covered my mouth (as other people were still taking exams), and began jumping up and down. The sweet little lady giggled, embraced me in a hug and we jumped up and down together a couple of times. I couldn't believe it.

I was finally going to be a legitimate counselor.

That was a month ago. Now we're at the present. I still haven't actually applied for my license, as the five year time limit to complete your internship begins as soon as you receive your license. What's the hold up, you might ask? Well, back to reality. I think I mentioned that I'm pregnant, now close to 19 weeks into this journey and finally starting to feel good. I'm ready to get back to work, but Michael and I are trying to figure out what's sensible and realistic. Do I go back to work for 3-4 months, only to take maternity leave for 2 months later? What employer is going to go for that?

We've relied on God's guidance throughout our marriage, especially when big decisions were at hand. This is no exception. I'm believing that God will reveal to us His will and where He wants to take our family, having faith in His timing. What's the next step in our little, expanding family's journey? Guess we'll have to wait and see...although it sure would be nice to get a call or e-mail from Jesus with his tentative schedule for us.

Tomorrow's D-Day

2010-09-15T13:10:00.006-05:00

Well, it's finally here. In less than 24 hours, I'll be taking the National Counselors Exam, FINALLY! I have to give mad props to Dr. Rosenthal. His book, The Encyclopedia of Counseling and his CD set really helped me prep for this test. I think I finally know what a measure of central tendency is, as well as a T-Score! I also have a grasp on Career Counseling Theories. Acing the test may be out of the question, but passing it is definitely possible now. In the next 10 hours or so, I'll be cramming in all the last minute info I can. Hopefully all those memory devices will pay off! I'm also hoping I can get through the test without throwing up...not only due to nerves, but due to my crazy amount of morning sickness.

Oh yeah.

I forgot to tell you.

I'm pregnant again. :)

Intermission

2010-09-07T12:29:00.003-05:00

I'm taking a 15 minute break from studying and thought I'd give an update on where I'm at. The countdown to taking the big NCE (National Counselor's Exam) has begun. D-Day is set for Sept. 16th. I'm not sure if I've been blessed with wisdom or ignorance for scheduling this test the morning we leave for vacation. My logic behind this is taking it the day we leave will allow me to enjoy my vacation with my family, as opposed to trying to cram in more studying while on the road and then taking the exam the day after we get back. It's logical right? But, by my logic, that only gives me 9 days to study. EEK!!!

So far, I've been listening to Dr. Howard Rosenthal's Study Guide on CD and reading his Encyclopedia of Counseling. Although the man is a bit on the cheese-ball side, I really don't mind listening to him. He knows his stuff and at least he provides a study guide that's easy to understand and is almost enjoyable to read. Did I just say that?

Hopefully while Gabriel is meeting new friends and having fun at Mother's Day Out, I can get in some good, uninterrupted study time...that is if I can keep myself off the computer long enough to try.

It's a S-L-O-W Process

2010-08-18T11:07:00.003-05:00

Well, it's the middle of August and guess what? I have yet to take the NCE (National Counselors Exam). Sometimes processes tend to be much more complicated and time consuming than they need to be. I found out after waiting a month and a half that the fee for taking the exam went up $40!! Who raises an exam fee by $40?!? And why does an exam really need to cost $200? On top of all the other money I've got to spend to obtain a license. Shesh.

But complaining aside, I "should" be set to take that sucker come the third week in September. I'm so excited to finally be done listening to Dr. Howard Rosenthal and be OFFICIAL. I'm still searching out an internship, which also seems to be dragging out. It's been difficult to find a site that is relatively close to home. Proximity is important because Gabriel is starting Mother's Day Out in the fall and it's only for 5 hours, 3 days a week. We're excited that he's going to have the opportunity to make some new friends and that I'm going to be able to start having big kid interactions and a regular basis. I'm trusting that God is going to lead me right where He wants me to be.

Up and Running on Etsy!

2010-08-18T11:05:00.005-05:00

After 3 hours of hard work, we finally have an Etsy store! Hooray! I'm going to start selling all of my Like A Diamond Baby items here until my website is up and running. I've had friends that have used Etsy for a while and have had a good amount of success with it. I'm excited to try it out for myself. Check out my shop and let me know what you think!

www.likeadiamondbaby.etsy.com

Like a Diamond Baby Boutique

2010-07-13T08:21:00.004-05:00

It's official! We have a new business! Michael just finished my logo and we're up and running. I started a Facebook page and we're hoping to have our website up and running soon. I can also start taking orders via e-mail at our new e-mail address: orders@likeadiamondbaby.com.

Sometimes it feels surreal that this is actually happening, that I'm really going to try to sell what I love making. But I have a peace that this is something God wants us to do. Our prayer and hope is that He will bless this venture.

Let me know what you think of my snazzy new logo!

A New Venture

2010-06-23T16:01:00.014-05:00

I've been a stay at home mom now for approximately 25 months. And I love it. It has great benefits, no dress code, and I can usually take a bathroom break whenever I feel the need. But there is one slight disadvantage.

Lack of payment.

Yes, I get paid in love, tickles, hugs, peanut butter and jelly, and an occasional nap. But as far as seeing a monetary benefit, I've got nothing. Hopefully that will change in the near future as I'm getting closer to taking my National Counselors Exam (NCE) and securing a (cross your fingers here) PAID internship. But until then, money remains tight. Knowing that I'm a Freeland, it may not surprise you that I'm careful with our money. We save, Save, SAVE - all the time. But since I've been without a job for two years, it's been harder to take advantage of various "fun" activities because what we save has been paying bills...and insurance...and school loans. Going to the movies, out to eat, getting a pedicure, or buying clothes and shoes are all luxuries that I don't get to partake in very often. And now that graduation is over and the degree is in hand, more school loans are about to arrive in nice little white envelopes come November.

My solution for this has been to not only seek a paid internship, but to dabble in a little side business. I may not have mentioned it before but I love to sew. Back in college, I was able to train and learn under an awesome guy named Mark at Kansas State when I worked in the costume shop. I learned how to make lots of things, from petticoats and corsets, to ballgowns and dress pants. Within the past year, I've started making more things with my nifty little sewing machine. Specifically baby items. So far I've mastered how to make Slings, Embellished Burp Cloths, Nursing Aprons, Blankets, Diaper Bag Changing Pads, and Snugglers (mini-security blankets). After I started making these for friends, people kept telling me, "You should sell these." So after much prayer and a leap of faith, I decided to go through with it. Here's a peek at some of the items I've made over the past year.

The following are various other custom orders for friends -

from Burp Cloths to Nursing Aprons:

For Baby Liam

For Baby Owen
For Baby Caitlin

Various other designs and items (Snugglers not pictured)

Right now I'm working on choosing a name, getting a logo and website, and setting up an online store. But in the interim, I'm taking orders over e-mail and Facebook. I would love to make you something special. As an incentive to try me out, I'm offering a 20% discount to anyone that contacts me and mentions my blog "Some Babies Just". I guarantee you'll receive an item that is made with love and creativity. Leave me a comment or e-mail me (find the email in my profile box) if you're interested in having me start a special project just for you or someone you love.

With a swipe of the brush...Wa-la!

2010-06-10T11:37:00.006-05:00

Michael and I just recently finished our next home improvement project. We finally finished painting the inside of our house. About 2 or 3 years ago, Michael did a wonderful job painting our kitchen, but we decided to hold off on the rest of the house due to lack of moo-lah to buy more paint and the time it would take to finish. Well, luckily, we held off and got a great deal on paint at Lowe's Memorial Day weekend. Michael dissembled our living room and hallways, and drug out the paint brushes. We set G up in his play room with a movie and away we went. We were able to get the whole living room and both hallways done in just a couple of days. We're pretty happy with the results. Now, it's time to move on to making pillows!

BEFORE

Drum Roll, please.....

AFTER

Sugar and Spice

2010-05-26T12:59:00.010-05:00

I told myself that this summer was going to be the summer for projects. I have loads of things on my list, which I'll be sure to share throughout the summer. But the first project that I was ready to head up was organizing my spice cupboard.

Now I love to cook, but I often get frustrated because my cupboard is booby trapped. Where is Data from The Goonies when I need him? I have approximately 50+ spices and seasonings, so this organization is LONG over due.

Spices are crammed in there so tight I have to take
half the cupboard out before I can find what I need.
And look how ghetto I am! I have some spices in Ziplock bags.
This is to show how much was in that cupboard
and the varying sizes of everything.

I got the idea to tackle this from my friend Jenny (check out her blog, it's cool...). She was in the same predicament that I was. Lots of spices, all in different size bottles and lacking uniformity (something us perfectionists REALLY need). She did the leg work and found out that buying jars that would be cute and fun would cost approximately $2-3 a piece. Well, who has that kind of money to spend on spice jars? So she came up with a brilliant idea to re-use baby food jars! I had no idea what she was up to when she asked me to start saving Gabriel's old ones, but let's just say I was thoroughly impressed. She caught some great pictures of her results. Now, my pictures are not nearly as fancy or artistically taken as hers, but you get the point.

I used Goo Gone to get the sticky off the jars
(see my notes for a better way to do this)

Washed them several times to make sure they were sanitized.

This was about half of the jars I used.
I also used larger 6 oz jars for spices I had a bigger quantity of.
Clean Lids!

Spray painting the lids with chrome paint and polyurethane.

I decided to use a polyurethane to seal the lids but it's so important
to let this dry fully before you try to use them.
(I got a little impatient and left finger prints on some of my lids)
Look at how cute my jars turned out!
You can hand write the labels like Jenny did
(which she has fantastic handwriting!),
or you can cheat and print them off like me!

FINISHED PRODUCT!! I feel so fancy now!
Don't they look pretty? I love how the colors look against one another.
My new cupboard!

Couple of things that I wish I had done differently (if you think of doing this yourself):

1. No matter how anxious or excited you are about finishing up, WAIT FOR THE PAINT TO DRY! It's worth it to wait.

2. If you are able to get a hold of jars with the label still attached, keep them on there and soak them overnight in a soapy bath. Then use your fingernail or a razor blade to take the sticky off. I used the Goo Gone which worked until it dried, then I realized I had smeared the glue everywhere. It was a pain to take off.

3. I would still like to find some thing recyclable that goes with my theme to put my extracts and my shakers in.

That's it! I'm so happy with how they turned out! My life is just a little more organized now, which is always a special blessing! I think it turned out really well. And the spices look so pretty in there. It feels so good to be recycling used things and I think the total cost for me was $2 for a can of spray paint. That beats $2-3 a jar and they look just as nice. If you need a place to get jars b/c you don't have any kiddos leaving you with a large amount of them, check out your local Freecycle (this is where I got more jars). More likely than not, some mommy is saving hers and would be happy to give them to you.

Now, all I have to do if I run out of a spice is head to Central Market and just buy the spice in the quantity I need, no wasting of a plastic jar! Go Green and try to organize by using recyclable products. :) Next up, painting the living room!

Finished

2010-05-20T16:57:00.004-05:00

It's done. Degree achieved! It took about 7 years to complete, but I'm officially a graduate and have a Master's Degree! Isn't it pretty?

Now what to do? I know! How about a break! I'm planning on taking the whole summer off and just having fun; something I haven't gotten to do in a long time. My hope is that I'll be able to make up for some lost time with Gabriel. I'm looking forward to many date nights with Michael as well! This summer is going to be awesome.

Then come August, it'll be time to start a new journey with a new internship! Yep. It's time to grow up and be a big kid. But for the next three months, I think I'll just play.

7 days and counting

2010-05-05T11:57:00.003-05:00

One week.

That's it. One week until my hot little hands are holding my master's degree! Last Thursday I was overwhelmed with relief as I finished up my last class. Then on Monday, God gave me even more relief as I e-mailed off my last paper. Technically, I am finished with graduate school at DBU. It's done and it feels amazing! All that I have left to do is walk across the stage on the 13th.

People keep asking me, "So, what are you going to do next?" As much as I'd like to say, "I'm going to Disney World!" or "I have my future path all mapped out!", the truth is I really don't have a clue. The only thing I am counting on is taking (and hopefully passing) my NCE (National Counseling Exam) in July. Then who knows? I'm not in a huge hurry to grow up. I do plan to take the entire summer off and have fun with Gabriel. My hope is that I'll be able to make up for some lost time from the months of school and evenings I've been away for the past 2 years. I also plan on reading FOR FUN, going on a few small trips, and sewing. But after that, it's really up to God.

I'm not short of goals though. My big goal is to find a good, solid, Christian counseling center that I can start my internship with. But I'm not in too big of a rush. I know that if I'm focused on being in God's will, he'll put me right where He wants me. Until then, I'm going to sit back, relax, and enjoy this long awaited accomplishment!

Lover

2010-04-29T09:10:00.003-05:00

So I'm going to get mushy for a minute.

I just love my husband. He really is the best. After almost 6 years of marriage, some people might start to refer to their husbands in less than appealing terms, but not me. I got the cream of the crop ladies.

Last weekend, our family had the chance to be photographed by the ever talented Shelley Foster. She caught some amazing shots of our sweet little guy, Gabriel. But on a whim, she took some photos of just Michael and I. This picture really sums it up of how much I love and adore my husband. And we're past the ooey, gooey, make you want to throw up infatuation. This is deep, folks. Our marriage has definitely had some trials, but the one thing that has remained constant through those trials has been our love for one another.

We're approaching our 6 year anniversary and I can say with confidence, I'm ready to spend 66 more years with this man, if God allows it to be.

Alright, a few paragraphs of gushing is about all I can handle for one day. I love you, babe. Enough said.

The 30 Day Challenge

2010-04-19T21:32:00.003-05:00

I get all my best ideas when I'm in the shower, and this day did not disappoint. As I'm trying not to get soap in my eyes, I begin reflecting on the countless times I have failed meeting my healthy living goals. I stink at eating right, I'm horrible at counting calories, and working out is a joke.

But why?

If you were to read my journals, you'd see they're littered with outcries to God to give me the motivation and the will power to make a change that would stick. A change that would push me to get rid of the extra weight having a child can leave behind. A change that would encourage me to choose a carrot over carrot cake.

Then it dawned on me, why don't I make this a game? I have a bit of a competitive nature in me, even if the competition is myself. What if I set up the game to include a prize at the end. I really liked where this was going. And through my routine of lather, rinse, repeat, I came up with this.

The 30 Day Challenge:
For 30 days (5 weeks total - M-F only), the contestant (that's me) will do the following: will get up by 6:00 or 6:30 each morning, have quiet time, and then do 30-60 minutes of physical activity. This activity may include workout DVDs, going for a power walk (Remember, no running aloud. Doctor's orders.), or after child gets up, taking him on a walk in his stroller. If the morning gets thrown off with child waking up early or it's raining, or some other act of God occurs, then working out will be done in the evening after child goes to bed.

This challenge must be met for 30 consecutive days, where upon meeting said challenge, the contestant will win a prize! However, should the contestant miss even one day in the 30 days, the challenge starts over from the beginning.

What do you think? Was I enlightened? Guess we'll just have to see how effective it is in the next 5 weeks. Day one was tonight. So far, so good. I'm following it up by tracking my food intake at Spark People (they have a great app for the iPhone too). It's like Weight Watchers for F-R-E-E. This added portion to the challenge would consist of logging everything I eat. Not just the good things, but everything. Even the bad. It may seem daunting, but I have hope. I have excitement. It's now a real challenge.

Now I have to figure out what the prize will be....hmm....I'm thinking a Coach purse might be in my future.

Ahhhhhh.....

2010-04-07T11:05:00.004-05:00

Pass me some expensive cheese and a fine bottle of wine! I just finished up my last test of graduate school and I'm ready to celebrate!

It seems surreal that in just five short weeks I'm going to have a real master's degree in my hot little hands. Reflecting on this with my friend Ali, I realized how big of an accomplishment this is for me. Ali exclaimed, "Wow! You did this, and were also able to be a full time mommy and wife!" You know what? She's right! I DID! I stuck with it. And it was hard. But it was worth it. I've found a career that I absolutely love. It's extremely rewarding and allows me to incorporate God's truth into helping people heal from their hurts.

So now, before I begin "working" for real (aka getting PAID to counsel), I'm going to enjoy this reprieve and bask in the greatness of God blessing me with this moment.

S-T-R-E-T-C-H

2010-03-30T10:27:00.003-05:00

Easter is this weekend. I'm so excited about it! Our church is putting on an original production for Easter called Emmaus. (click on the link to check it out!)

As the weekend is approaching, God is placing something on my heart that I've never experienced before. And it makes me feel WEIRD AND UNCOMFORTABLE. Actually, it's been on my heart for about 3 weeks now, but I've been ignoring it, thinking God will stop pestering me about it if I continue to ignore Him. But it looks as though that's not how He works. You see, I have this burden on my heart to invite our neighbors to church. Now, I know that probably doesn't seem like a big deal. But it is to me. I wouldn't exactly describe myself as evangelical. And, we aren't exactly "neighborly" with our neighbors. Not that there's any bad blood or hard feelings. But, we (meaning Michael and I, as well as the neighbors) haven't really ventured across our little plot of land and just visited. So the idea of showing up on their doorstep, ringing the bell, and saying, "Hey, I know we've never really talked or hung out, but do you want to visit our church this weekend?" is an incredibly daunting thought. It seems almost insane.

Michael and I talked about it in depth last night. Why are we so afraid to ask them to church? We know our church is awesome and very welcoming. And, we're pretty sure they don't know Jesus, which means they've got reserved seats on the 245 to Hellsville. Shouldn't that prompt us to act? Why is reaching out to people near you so difficult? I'll tell you why. Fear of rejection. What if we do ask them and they say no? Then we might be the "weird, Christian neighbors...." But then I remind myself that Christ says to follow Him means to take up our cross and to leave the worldly behind. Am I ashamed of Him? No. Do I believe that He can save us from a life destined for hell? Yes. Do I believe that He is the Savior of the world? Yes. Do I believe that if our neighbors don't hear about what He did for them and accept Him, they will continue down the path to hell? Yes. So what's stopping me?

Fear.

I know that to step out of my little house of comfort and cross the street, cookies and an invitation in hand, could possible change their lives. Why does God stretching me have to feel so uncomfortable?

(Sigh)

So, if you read this before Easter, please pray for me, Michael and our neighbors. Pray for courage, pray for openness, and pray for God to do a work in us. They may reject our idea, and yes, we may end up being labeled as "weird." But then again, they may accept our invitation and come to know Jesus the way we do. As a Savior.

Face Lift

2010-03-28T21:57:00.001-05:00

My blog just had much needed update, thanks to my sweet husband. Comments from the peanut gallery?

Gratitude

2010-03-24T16:04:00.000-05:00

Two of our dearest friends, Chris and Ali, recently had a four year long prayer answered. This past Friday, they got to bring home their new baby girl, Olivia Nicole. This moment was joyous for a variety of reasons, but for me, the biggest joy was finally getting to see one of my best friends finally get to be a mom.

I know that I take it for granted that I'm a mother some days. Those days when Gabriel tests my limits and my patience is not present. But on Sunday, when we met Ms. Olivia, I was overwhelmed with the goodness of God. Not only did God bless this family with the adoption of sweet Olivia, but God blessed Olivia with a wonderful set of parents. It reminded me that God chose Michael and I to be Gabriel's parents; what an awesome privilege! I'm so excited for my friends to be able to experience all the wonderful firsts of parenthood. I'm excited for this little girl to have the opportunity to grow up with parents that love God with all their hearts. And most of all, I'm excited that she has parents that will introduce her to God's beautiful and precious gift of salvation.

Congratulations Chris and Ali! She's beautiful!

Pause, Jane.

2010-02-19T09:33:00.000-06:00

I want to tell you about a woman I know; let's call her Jane. Jane's had a tough day. Her son woke up at 6:00am and has only taken an hour nap today. Which means that laundry is the only thing she's really gotten started today. Although the day has flown by with sweet play time with her son, the evening is approaching along with the witching hour. Jane realizes that only one thing on her list of 10 thing she needed to get done today has been completed. As Jane sighs from exhaustion, she remembers that her hard working husband (we'll call him Bob), will be arriving soon from a long day of work.

Jane begins searching through the pantry, thinking about what she can make for dinner that will be fast and easy while the toddler is attached to her leg, screaming for more milk. While trying to pick out the quick meal and attempting to the toddler's grip on her leg, Jane remember that she had an assignment due to her professor the night before. You see, Jane isn't just a wife and a mother, she's a graduate student. And Jane completely forgot about that stupid assignment. So Jane sticks her kid in front of the TV, tries to whip up some Hamburger Helper and while it's simmering on the stove, she attempts to do her assignment that was due yesterday. But only 3 minutes into her attempt to further her education, Jane's son feels the need to bother her. He begins demanding to be picked up so he can watch Murray on Sesame Street on her computer. While trying to pull up to windows on the computer (one for her son and the other for her assignment), Jane remembers that she has another assignment due by Sunday. But, she has already committed to a couple meetings at church and a lunch date with a friend on Sunday. While these thoughts are going through her head, she realizes her child is glued to the show she's pulled up on the computer, not moving a muscle; completely captivated by the animated pictures and crazy music.

Jane begins to feel horrible, remembering that "the TV should not be a babysitter." Then in the midst of her tears welling up due to feeling like a failure, her sister-in-law calls. Jane answers the phone, leaving her toddler planted at the computer. After diving into what a terrible mom she's become, Jane takes a breath and is about to tell her sister-in-law she should throw in the towel. But before she can say one more word, her beloved sister-in-law says, "STOP."

"What? Why?"

"You need to give yourself a break."

"A break? But how? I'm behind in school, my kid is becoming a television zombie, and---"

"YOU NEED TO GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!"

Then after giving Jane a slew of reasons why she's a great mother, wife and student, Jane lets out a sigh of relief. Jane's dear old sister-in-law is right. Jane is doing the best she can with what God's given her. Her toddler is not going to "get dumb" by watching a few shows. Jane is not going to suck as a student just because she missed one assignment. Bob is not going to leave her just because they've had Hamburger Helper 2 times this past week. She's doing the best she can. And the people around her know that.

So breath, Jane. Breath in and out, in and out. It's going to be okay. May is only a few months away....

2010, the Latest Frontier

2010-01-06T08:52:00.000-06:00

2010. It's here. No stopping it. Only 2 more years until the world ends, according to the sun worshiping folk from 100's of years ago. I think someone must have put something in the Kool-Aid, because according to my calculations (and my calculations are based on fact; aka the Word of God), I don't think we're going to "know" when the world will end and when Jesus is making his second appearance. So, I'm not worrying about it.

But thinking about the passing of years and how many I may have left (I'm only one year from 30 as of yesterday, you know...) I've recently been contemplating what this year is going to hold for me. From the looks of it, it could be quiet exciting. Here's just a few things that may (or may not) get accomplished this year.

1. I graduate with my master's degree in May. PRAISE JESUS! After three long years (longer if you include my first attempt back in 2003...), I'm finally going to finish what I started with a Master of Arts in Counseling. It's been an uphill battle, but well worth it. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's standing there waiting for me, holding a big margarita to celebrate.

2. Taking my NCE (National Counselors Exam) soon after graduation to attain my temporary license so I can officially start working at an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor)!

3. Finishing up the MFT (Marriage and Family Therapy) requirements of my program by August and taking the required exam for that so I can obtain my LMFT (can you guess what that stands for?).

4. Leading a group of mommies in our 2010 Spring MOPS group. I'm so excited to minister to these gals and to be a part of such a wonderful program. Building relationships with new and veteran mommies is such a soft spot on my heart and I can't wait to see what unfolds. Plus, hello, free breakfast every two weeks???

5. Maybe, just maybe make us a family of four....we'll see if God has that in the cards.

6. Continue to watch Gabriel grow up and celebrate his SECOND birthday in May. I can't believe he's almost two. Tomorrow he'll be 20 months. That's only 4 months away from 2! He's at such a fun stage right now and I know it's fleeting, but we're enjoying it while it's here. I love that he will sit in his room for 15-20 minutes at times, just reading to himself in his own language. It melts my heart to hear that gibberish that has such meaning to him.

7. Celebrate 6 wonderful years with the love of my life...I wonder where we'll go to celebrate this year?

8. Getting involved in our church and growing as a leader.

9. Growing closer to the Lord. I've been pretty bad about putting my relationship with Him on the back burner for several months and I think it's time that my position of apathy changes. He is the only reason I am blessed to celebrate, experience and grow from the above 8 things. This year, I want to make Him the priority instead of the things in life that really don't matter.

10. Come up with more acronyms.

Just a few things that 2010 has in store for me. Here's to a new, prosperous year!

Stopthewhining.com

2009-12-01T09:24:00.000-06:00

A snapshot of my morning for the past 21 days.

Me: Do you want milk?
Gabriel: Waaaaahhh!

Me: Do you want some cereal?
Gabriel: Uuuuuhhhhh!

Me: Let's play with your blocks.
Gabriel: No!

Me: Let's read a book.
Gabriel: Mmmmaaaamamamamama!

The whine.

I hate whining. I know I'm not alone. In fact, most people probably find this part of childhood particularly annoying. But for me, it's on a whole different level. Constant whining is my idea of life in hell.

Dictionary.com defines "whine" as:

1. to utter a low, usually nasal, complaining cry or sound, as from uneasiness, discontent, peevishness, etc.

2.	to snivel or complain in a peevish, self-pitying way

Peevish, self-pitying. Yep. That would describe what I've been hearing on a constant basis for the last 3 weeks. The sound of that "uuuuuhhhhhhh......" all day long in that distinct pitch of voice makes me want to set myself on fire.

Right now I'm working on a cure for whining. So far I'm 0 for 458. Is there hope? Is there relief from this stage? If your answer is "when they're 18 and out of your house," you are not helpful. Try again.

"I love being a girl"

2009-11-03T13:14:00.001-06:00

I'm such a girl sometimes. I cry, I pout, I produce more drama in my life than I have executive rights for. I usually say way too much and have a difficult time saying no. I over-commit. And in the end, I usually feel completely overwhelmed.

But thank the good Lord above for girlfriends. Yesterday was a textbook case of the female breakdown. I called a bestie yesterday afternoon to discuss the said crisis for the week and completely melted in the car. There I was, driving down FM 407, mascara running down my face, wiping my nose on my sleeve, bawling into the phone, trying to get to my internship (a major source of my stress). I told her that I think I'm like Mrs. Incredible minus the "incredible" part. You know the part in The Incredibles where Mrs. Incredible has to save her children from the burning plane and so she has to stretch herself out like a balloon? That's me. Not the life-saving, courageous part. The stretched out to the limit part, with people clinging onto you, wanting something from you. (Dramatic, I told you.)

After sobbing to my friend for way too long, I said, "Do you know what I mean?" And she said, "Yes. I feel that way, too." Now, I'm not happy that she's neck deep this crap. I hurt for her. But, it is comforting to know that I'm not alone in the foxhole. I've got someone beside me that understands where I'm at and what I'm going through. And, after talking with her and asking for some prayer, I felt like I could be Mrs. Incredible just a little bit longer...but just until May.

A Move in the Right Direction

2009-10-07T20:36:00.000-05:00

Finally.

Finally, I have peace about what's going on with Gabriel's lack of walking. Today, Michael and I had a chance to meet with three ladies who work with the ECI program (Early Childhood Intervention). They came over to our house around 1:00 this afternoon and took about two hours getting to know Gabriel. They asked LOTS of questions. And because of this I can finally rest a little easier knowing that my baby is going to be okay.

As I said, after asking us a slew of questions regarding Gabriel's development, it seemed to them that Gabriel is behind in his gross motor skills by about 6 months to be precise. And due to the gross motor skills lacking, his language skill development has taken a backseat. Thankfully, this has nothing to do with his brain development. In every other area he came back right on or ahead. He's just a SUPER TALL kid. (Just as a side note, we learned that Gabriel takes after me on the social front. The kid has the social skills of 27 month old! HA HA!) According to the very sweet and knowledgeable ladies (Ms. Lindsay, Ms. Liz, and Ms. Kim) that evaluated Gabriel, he's having a difficult time supporting himself because he's very tall and has a lot more weight to distribute that most kiddos his age. Ms. Lindsay reminded me (and I hit myself for forgetting this, being a development major), that when motor skills are lagging behind, language skills usually put on their breaks. Now, Michael and I suspected this for a while. We knew he wasn't walking, or even talking as much as other kids his age. But it was assuring to hear it come from a professional's mouth. The problem has always been where do we go from here. We get it. He's behind. But what do we do to catch him up? That's where ECI comes into play.

Gabriel qualified for their physical therapy program and will begin seeing a physical therapist, hopefully starting next week. Ms. Lindsay and Ms. Liz will be coming by twice a month to check on Gabriel's progress and to help us out in any way they can. In the meantime (before we meet with the PT), Ms. Lindsay gave us some exercises to do with Gabriel to get the ball rolling. Things we hadn't even thought of, like have him sit on a stool and put a desired object above him so he has to stand up and reach for it. We tried it today and he really tried to stand up on his own. We had lots of topples and spills, but after a while, he was getting better! AND, to show off, Gabriel decided to take FOUR steps while the ECI ladies were there. (Figures.)

Needless to say, I feel better about the situation and am relieved to know that someone is going to come and help us get Gabriel caught up. Thank you for those of you who have prayed for us. I'd like to ask that you keep praying that my Littlest improves each day! I'll keep you posted. Until then, here's to lots of bumps and bruises ahead!

Survival

2009-10-07T20:17:00.000-05:00

We made it. Our first trip without Gabriel was a success. No, scratch that. It was FREAKIN' FANTASTIC! It's difficult for me to begin describing how incredible it is to take a trip post baby, with just your husband. I don't know how many people (if any people) read my blog, but if you do, you're a parent and you haven't taken a trip with just your hubby, stop what you're doing right now. Go online. BOOK A VACATION. This trip did wonders for my marriage. And there is nothing wrong with my marriage! I have an amazing, devoted, loving husband. But this trip re-energized us. We stayed in a phenomenal cabin (check out this website if you want to vacation in Colorado), ate great food, drank good drinks, and played, played, played! We went to Garden of the Gods, Cripple Creek, Cave of the Winds and Pikes Peak. We even got to have lunch with my cousin, Christina Von Fange Culver (awesome name, huh?) and her husband Randy. We had a blast. Here are just a few snap shots from our little adventure.

The love of my life!

Garden of the Gods. Breathtaking.
Our cozy "little" cabin.

The view behind our cabin.

Another view from behind the cabin.

The aspens outside our cabin. Beautiful!

A few visitors that stopped by our cabin.

Scary, I know.

It snowed the last night we were there!

My cousin, Christina Von Fange! Can you tell we're related?

Our our way up the Cog Railway to Pikes Peak!

The view atop Pikes Peak.

Who's having a better time? I don't think it's the sawdust stuffed ram.

Flippin' Cold. 18 degrees, -7 degree wind chill, 35 mph winds. Thought I was going to die.

Delicious hot donuts and hot chocolate at the top. Only $100 million dollars.

Alright, back to the story.

Now, I won't lie, it was hard leaving Littlest behind. I missed him every day. And every night when I would get to talk to him on the phone and all I could make out through the babbling was "Mama," I would almost cry. But then we'd say goodnight, it was done and we were back to having fun! Do you remember what it's like to go to dinner just with your husband? Stay out as late as you want? Go somewhere that doesn't require a kid friendly atmosphere? Just do whatever you want? If you're having issues remembering what this part of leisurely life is like, BOOK A VACATION.

God created marriage before He created procreation. He wants us to make sure that our marriage is in good standing so we can ensure our family is in good standing. Michael and I accepted this challenge and fulfilled it joyfully this past weekend. Have you put some time into making sure your marriage is in tip top shape? If it looks like your marriage may need a little TLC right now, take it from me: BOOK A VACATION.

Preparations

2009-09-28T22:51:00.001-05:00

My husband reached a great milestone today. He crossed the threshold to wisdom and clarity. Ah yes, the threshold that is: Turning Thirty.

To celebrate this monumental occasion, we did what most people do: book a trip and leave the kid behind. That's right, we're going on our first trip without Gabriel. I have to admit, as the day draws near, I'm getting increasingly more anxious. Can we really leave Gabriel behind for four whole days? Will he survive without us? Will he even miss us or remember who we are when we return? (I never said my thoughts weren't ridiculous.)

My parents have been gracious enough to make the 7 hour commute to watch him while we're away and although I know he's in very capable hands, I still have worries. What if he gets a fever? What if he breaks a limb? What if he, God-forbid, gets the swine flu? Then there's the other irrational side of the coin. What if we die in a car wreck? What if we get mauled by a bear? What if a mountain lion eats me in the middle of the night? What will Gabriel do?

With these preposterous ideas floating around, we decided that God was trying to tell us to be prepared. Okay, maybe God wasn't really saying that...He was probably saying, "Trust me," but my initial interpretation (and they say you should always go with your gut instinct right?) was to be extra cautious. We'll trust Him AND be prepared. So, we created "The Will." (dun, dun, dun!) Definitely not the most fun conversation to have with your husband who is reaching a pivotal moment in his life. But a necessary one to have nonetheless. Good news is, it's done.

Now, with only 4 days left until departure, I must get in loads of hugs, kisses and snuggles with my favorite Littlest Buddy. Even though I know I'll see him again in only a few short days, I'm going to take each day to love him like it's the last time I'll see him. And then, live it up with my husband, my lover, my best friend, my everything for a well needed and well deserved vacation sans child. Here's to new "firsts".

Whining

2009-09-17T14:08:00.000-05:00

Warning: This posting is going to be a frustration vent. Nothing more. If you're the type of person that only likes to read happy-go-lucky things on a blog, look elsewhere today, my friend. I'm disgruntled.

Alright, now that the warning has been served to the masses, I'll begin. As many know, my son is not walking. This frustrates me. Gabriel is now 16 months old and sporting a very healthy and trim 30lbs, but still manages to elude walking. It's not that he can't do it (or so I think), it's that he won't. 90% of kids his age are already walking. It frustrates me that my kid is in that 10% group that isn't. There's nothing wrong with his development, I know that. I just want him to pick up the pace and catch up with the 90% of other kids his age that are moving on two legs!

Now, please refrain from telling me, "Oh you just wait until he is walking, then you'll never be able to catch him. You'll be sorry you even mentioned it. You'll wish he was still crawling. Your life will be over once he's on the go...blah, blah, blah." To those folk who love to give this sort of unsolicited "advice" (is that what it would be called?), shut up. I don't want to hear it.

My back hurts.

My son can't go to the playground with kids his age because he can't walk.

He gets called "the bouncer" at church.

These things irritate me. I'm sure some mothers out there are thinking, "Well, she's being a little irrational. My brother's sister's cousin's next door neighbor's nephew didn't walk until he was 18 months old and they're just fine." Great for them. If you are one of those mothers though who likes to discredit my frustrations with generalized responses such as that, put yourself in my shoes. Would you enjoy having to carry a solid 30 lbs of anything around with you all the time? Would you enjoy having to constantly hear your son or daughter be called "the heavyweight, or the bouncer" in their "baby" class at church because they can't move up with the walkers yet until their actually walking? Would you enjoy having to dope yourself with Excedrin and Extra Strength Advil every night just to go to sleep, because your back is screaming in pain? Would you enjoy having your son/daughter not be able to participate in various activities with other kids their age because he/she can't walk? My guess is your answer would be, "Well, no..."

Now, as I said, I'm venting. I know things could be worse. I know he'll walk eventually. But I never said patience was a virtue for me. I'm a fallen woman and embracing the cultural norm of "I want relief now." That's all. Hopefully in the next couple weeks it will come.

Spinning Plates

2009-08-26T14:08:00.001-05:00

And for my next trick, I will balance a full cup of coffee on my head while carrying a 30lb toddler in one arm, ironing my husband's shirts with the other, and testing the baby's bath water with one foot, all while studying for my three exams that will be given the next day.

That, my friends, is an understatement. My life feels like a three ring circus and I'm the final clown trying to squeeze into the car with all the other clowns whose work loads are similar to mine. Practicum started last week and school starts this week. Someone pass the Valium.

When I signed up to do three classes and a 20 hr/week internship, I thought, "No problem. It'll just be like having a full time job and being a mommy at the same time. Tons of people do it everyday. I can do it too."

Holy crap. How do you people do it? How do you manage to raise your kids, attend to your husband, keep your house clean, keep the dog fed, dishes and laundry done and work everyday without developing a drug or alcohol problem? I feel like I should sign up for an AA meeting now, even though I haven't started drinking.

Last night after I got home from the Advocacy Center, I laid in bed next to my husband, desperate to go to sleep. But all I could do was look at him and think, "Did I make the right choice? Is all this work, all this sacrifice, my family is enduring for me, worth it?" With tears streaming down my face at the thought, my husband took his hand, wiped away my tears, and said, "I love you." In that moment, I knew he was saying that he's in this with me. It's going suck, sure. I know there will be plenty of long nights and definitely more tears. But we're going to go through it together and when I'm finished in May, I'll be able to stand there in my cap and gown and say, "I'm no longer one of the clowns in a tiny car. I've graduated. I'm now the ringleader."

The New Toy

2009-07-29T12:00:00.001-05:00

So, I have a new toy. My husband and I are not ones to spend money on ourselves. Nor are we the type of people to purchase the latest and greatest technology.

But after a YEAR of researching (and procrastinating) we have bought...dun, dun, dun: iPHONES!

And they're fabulous. I won't lie. I probably play with it and am on it WAY more than I should be. Am I now too connected? Probably. But am I'm having fun being WAY too connected? Oh absolutely. Just ask Facebook.

Here's just a sample of the fun we've been having with them.

The Internship

2009-07-22T14:05:00.000-05:00

Got some great news this week. I nailed down my practicum site. WOOHOO! I'm so excited. You may or may not know, but I'm working on my master's degree in counseling right now. I've now reached the point in my program where I actually get to try out what I've been learning to do. And, starting in August, I'm going to be working with kids and their families at the Children's Advocacy Center. It's a little scary to think that I'm really going to be responsible for counseling people, especially children. But, I'm hopeful that I'll be well trained, supervised and will get a LOT of feedback on how to improve my craft.

My heart beats strongly for the kids that come through this center. For those that don't know what the Children's Advocacy Center does, let me enlighten you. The CAC works with children that have been sexually abused. These kids come to the center to tell their story and to work with counselors, the police and child protective services. The goal is to offer a service that assists in the healing process these kids so desperately need. The staff works hard to prepare these kids to testify in court when they have to face their perpetrator(s). They not only use individual and group counseling techniques, but they offer special services to the children and their families, such as dog and equine assisted therapy. They also team up with a group called BACA. Click on the link to learn more about this awesome program. I'm telling you, this center does amazing things.

I know that this practicum experience is going to be hard. I know it's going to be challenging. But, I also know that it will be rewarding to be apart of the healing that's going to take place in the lives of these children that have been so unfairly wounded. Here's to learning and to helping others.

We have arrived

2009-07-14T09:34:00.000-05:00

It's time to unbuckle our seat belts, step out of the car into the baking hot sun and take a look around. We've done it, kids. We're here.

Our family has been going through some "stretching" as of late. Much of it has been needed, but I won't lie to you. It's been a hard thing to go through. Often times, things don't go as planned. Some things don't work out. But one thing I know for sure. After going through this forced stretching, you will come out a stronger person and better off.

This week our lives start anew. We're going to be experiencing some firsts. And we're excited about it.

Alright, enough with the vague reflections. For those that know what's going on: we're doing great, things are looking up, and we're ready to move forward.

Take a right at the fork in the road

2009-06-27T23:21:00.000-05:00

Thus begins a new journey for my family. We're getting ready to go into uncharted waters and I'm nervous. Do we have enough food? Did I remember to pack an extra pair of underwear? Did someone remember to let the dog out? I have a feeling we may be stopping at some gas stations along the way to ask for directions, even though my husband cringes at the very thought of it. We knew this trip was coming, but it snuck up on us. Hopefully we've got enough gas in the tank to make it where we're going...even though we're not really sure where that is yet (hence asking Joe Bob at the 7-11 for directions). If anyone has any ideas on where our final destination should be, we're open to suggestions.

Don't you love it when people talk in metaphor?

I took a crazy pill

2009-06-08T12:14:00.000-05:00

I think I'm going insane...I'm throwing around the idea of trying out a spin class. Anyone have any advice on whether this would be a good idea?? Would I "enjoy" spin class or loath it like a mosquito bite behind the knee?

I made a new friend in my Aqua Fit class. Her name is Candice and like me, she has a baby Gabriel's age. First of all, I'm happy to be making friends MY AGE in Aqua Fit. Second, we are throwing around the idea of trying out the spin class. But we're both a little nervous about it. We both decided it might be wise to be at the back of the class in case we die of a heart attack (as to not interrupt the other people in the class trying to stay alive) or if we spin right off the bike.

Thoughts? Advice? I need some motivation and words of encouragement!

Little Surprises

2009-06-01T12:25:00.000-05:00

Two postings in one day. I'm on a role.

I've been taking my meds for my ankle and knees for a week now and WHOOWEE do I feel better. My ankle is almost pain free and my knees are no longer aching. Something has really possessed me to not put off the gym. I have continued going, despite the pain. But now that the meds are working, I'm feeling good.

If you remember, one thing my doctor told me to do at the gym was water aerobics. And if you'll also remember, I mocked it quite openly. Well, folks, I'm eating my words. I LOVE IT! And all the geriatrics that are in my class! Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I'm going to Aqua Fit at the gym. (Tuesdays and Thursdays are for the Eliptical machine...not a big fan of that yet...) Sure I'm usually the youngest person there by about 20 years, but occassionaly a new, semi-wrinkle free person will join me. I guess it's not too surprising but the younger crowd doesn't strike up conversations with anyone. It's the older folks that are super chatty and fun!

I treated myself to a new swimsuit last Friday (although I learned today that the super cute halter top tankini probably isn't the best suit to wear for high intensity bobbing up and down...ehem....). I am also the proud new owner of AQUA SOCKS. Oh, yes, you read that correctly. They're hot pink and black. I now see why Edith, Erma, Glenda, and Matilda all have a pair. Those shoes are saving the bottoms of my feet!

So there you have it. I'm now a proud member of Aqua Fit. Here's to getting skinny and finally finding another exercise that I love. (Yoga, I still heart you the most.)

Turning the page

2009-06-01T12:15:00.000-05:00

Well, it's done. Gabriel is officially weened. I DID IT! Our last nursing session was last Tuesday, May 26th. It was tough though...tough for me, that is. After weeks of pain in my knees and ankle, I decided to start taking the medication the doctor prescribed. But in order to do that, Gabriel had to be fully weened. I had been holding onto our late night nursing session for weeks. It was such a special, precious time we had together. But I needed to be rid of this pain and nursing was going to have to come to an end eventually. And now it's done. Forever.

I had no idea that concluding a season of nursing my baby would be so difficult. Gabriel really didn't seem phased at all. It was a pretty easy transition for him. However, it is more difficult to calm him down before bed, even with a sippy cup of milk and a story. I know this is all part of growing up, not only for him, but for me as well. It's part of letting go as a mom and ushering my child into the next phase of his life. And now, I can look back on the past 12 months with pride and joy. I did it. I nursed my baby boy for 12 months. And it was totally worth it.

The Dilemma

2009-05-27T07:44:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I called the genius doctor back to complain that my ankle is still torturing me. A few friends have suggested I get a second opinion, but frankly, I don't really have the money or the time to go see another doctor. It was already a considerable whip to see the doctor the first time.

After waiting all day for the doctor's office to call me back (typical), the nurse calls me back and asks, "Are you still nursing?"

And here is the moment of truth.

Gabriel is down to nursing once a day at night. It's not for very long, nor is it really of any nutritional value to him. But, selfishly, I'm not ready/not wanting our sweet little sessions to end. I know that once they do, the ability to rock Gabriel to sleep, to have him be still and calm while I sing lullabies to him will come to an end. It would also be the end of a chapter of Gabriel's story of growing up.

However.

I am in a vast amount of pain. I am on the verge of amputating my foot. These drugs would give me some relief, and allow me to get back to the gym.

So.... do I hold on a few more weeks for those sweet little moments? The ones that I'll NEVER get back? Or, as I thought I was doing last night, nurse him ONE LAST TIME and then get some relief?

My answer to the nurse was....

Yes.

I am done nursing.

A little white lie so I could have the medication on hand when I did stop nursing. But when will that be?

Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.

Can I at least get front row parking?

2009-05-20T11:41:00.000-05:00

The doctors office visit was, let's say, interesting. Thankfully I was able to get a friend to watch Gabriel at the last minute. And good thing too. I don't think I would have lasted long at the doctor's office with him, especially since I had to be there for almost TWO HOURS!!!!!!!!

Seriously, health care professionals, are you trying to piss everyone off? I wait for eons in the regular waiting room, and finally you call my name. I think, YES! I'm up! I've been patient, reading a good book to pass the time (Pillars of the Earth, if you're interested...very good), so I'm not too irritated yet. In fact, I feel a little bit of excitement and anticipation in seeing a doctor. For me, there has never been fear. I actually look forward to our 5 minute long, $150 chats. But after being escorted back to an even tinier waiting room, I expect to be seen fairly quickly...otherwise, WHY CALL MY NAME IF YOU AREN'T READY TO SEE ME?

Super-not-so-friendly-I-wish-I-had-another-profession-nurse-Lisa takes my vitals, gripping about this and that. After finding out when my last period was and learning that my blood pressure is normal, she slaps that super fake smile on her face and says that stereotypical phrase of, "The doctor will be into see you in just a moment." Just a moment...ha.

As I sit on the squeaky exam table, legs dangling over the side, I think, I wonder if she's going to tell me my foot's fractured. Maybe I'll have to wear an air cast. Ooh! Maybe they'll take an xray or two. I wonder what's going on with my knees...Then 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 25 minutes pass... I'm eyeing my purse sitting on the opposite side of the room, containing my book. I thought the doctor was ready to see me. What the heck? I hesitate on moving from my perch. Not only do I not want to wake the dead with the squeak of this table (remember, it's a sin to make noise at the doctor's office), but was quite painful to even hop up here and will surely be painful to get back down and then back up again. But it's approaching a 30 minute wait now...I'm starting to die of boredom, wondering if that's a diagnosis she'll put on my chart. Ah, screw it. I hop down and grab the book and decide to sit in the more comfortable chair on the other side of the room. Just as I settle back into the dark tale of Tom and Ellen, in comes Dr. Henderson. I've now been at the doctor's office for an hour and a half.

The next thirty minutes are full of painful stretches, three xrays, and more waiting. And the verdict, you ask? I'm old and bruised. Huh? I'm 28. How is that possible? According to this super smart genius with a medical degree, I have degenerative arthritis in both knees and a very badly bruised ankle.

Okay, doc, is there anything I can do about it? Pain meds perhaps?

Oh no, silly 28 year old. No pain meds for you. You're still nursing your son, so you're going to have to live with it. You need to stay off those knees for three weeks.

Oh, and no more running for you.

Ever.

But joining the geriatrics at the gym for Aqua Fit is an super alternative. Thank you for your $20 copay. Our office will be happy to collect the other $150 from your insurance company...hope you've met your deductible.

*sigh* I wonder if I can start getting my 10% discount at Kohls and IHOP...

I wish my doctor made house calls

2009-05-19T13:29:00.001-05:00

It's officially been a week since I screwed up my knees and my ankle. To top it off, I stubbed my pinkie toe in a door frame this morning. How's that for karma? I'm off to see the doctor this afternoon at 4:30. Hopefully after an x-ray or two there will be some news on what's going on and if I can get back to the gym. In the interim, I've been throwing around the idea of going to water aerobics. However, the idea of joining the geriatrics at 9:00am makes me feel a little odd. It may be my only option though until these other aches and pains heal. Heck, I'll probably fit in with my arthritic knees and bum ankle. I'll worry about that tomorrow. For now, I have a great appointment with Dr. Henderson to look forward to...as well as waiting in a small room full of sick people with a one year old who has a TON of patience...this is going to be a fun afternoon.

A Wee Bit Discouraged

2009-05-13T14:56:00.000-05:00

I started going back to the gym at the end of last month. I'm really trying hard to get my fat butt in shape. So far, I've been doing good. I'm taking a stab at running (an exercise I have previously loathed) and it wasn't going too bad...until I woke up this morning...and I wanted amputate my legs off. My knees are killing me and my ankles aren't really enjoying any weight being put on them.

I understand that when you get started with a fitness program, there is a high probability that you will experience some pain. But this is not "gain-pain"...you know, the kind that you know is just your body getting used to slap in the face to get in shape. No, this is "ouch, I don't think I'm supposed to hurt there" pain.

So I'm a little discouraged. I tried to rationalize the situation and say maybe this was God's way of saying, "Running isn't for you..." However, when I told my two best friends my theory, they said, "Ah, no. That's not what it means. It means you need new shoes." So, after wrestling with this discouragement, I think they're probably right. If I shell out $100 on a pair of shiny new Asics or Nike's, then maybe my fitness journey will continue with less pain. Maybe...I'm trying to be optimistic. I'm still holding out hope that God will give me another sign that running isn't a good idea. One can dream, right?

Precious Moment

2009-05-12T10:17:00.000-05:00

I've been feeling smug about the fact that my baby doesn't snuggle with me. He's a typical boy. Always on the go, not wanting to be still (except to watch the occasional Baby Einstein DVD), being obsessed with tearing my kitchen apart. Sometimes I just want to hold him and have him hold me back, to cling onto me like a little koala. Instead, he usually leans far away from me, begging to get down and crawl away from me as fast as he can. It's as if he's saying, "Not now, Mom. I have more important things to do."

Deep in my heart, I've been praying for just a few moments of attention from him. Everyday he demands my attention, but this time, I'm demanding his. My attempts have been futile...until his birthday.

The night of his birthday, after nursing him for a few minutes, I pulled myself up from the rocking chair and held him, expecting the squirming to start any minute. Just as I was about to lay him into his crib, he did something unexpected. He laid his little head on my shoulder and I felt his little fingers grasp onto my t-shirt. He was snuggling me. I held him a little tighter, hummed a lullaby, and fought back the tears. Thank you, God, for my son. Thank you for creating us to be affectionate. Thank you for this precious moment that I will forever cherish.

Let the Weening Begin!

2009-04-29T13:03:00.000-05:00

It's been a year since my little guy, Gabriel, graced us with his presence and it's been a year since I began the journey (and I don't say that lightly) of breastfeeding.

Nursing my children was always something I'd dreamed of doing. From several classes and studies, I knew that it was the best nutrition for infants and it was an incredible way to bond with my baby. What I was not prepared for was how much work it was going to be. I did not have the typical nursing experience. It was hard and didn't come naturally at all. The first several months of Gabriel's life, I was constantly worried that he wasn't getting enough to eat. The doctor, as well as other moms, suggested that I supplement with formula. But I really didn't want to go down that route. Primarily because of the cost and also the concern that if I started him on formula, he wouldn't want to nurse anymore. That was an experience I didn't want to cut short.

But after many tears, long days/nights and the help of metoclopramide (Reglan), I can say that I've done it! Here I am a year later and I've been nursing Gabriel the whole time. We made it through our rough patches and he's a happy, healthy little boy. Now, before any of you get your panties in a bunch, I don't think there is ANYTHING WRONG with using formula. For some mommies, it's the only option. It was almost a reality for us. But I do think that if you can breastfeed, you should. For those mommies who are struggling, there is support out there!! Don't give up!! Persistence, medication and utilizing a ton of resources saved my breastfeeding experience. And it's been worth ever amount of frustration and ever tear that's been shed.

Now that journey is coming to an end. I'm in the process of weening Gabriel, which is proving to be hard, physically and emotionally. I think what's going to be the hardest to let go of is the last feeding of the night, where I get to nurse him off to dreamland. I'll miss the closeness that we have shared, having him fall asleep in my arms. But he's growing up fast, becoming more independent and it's time. I'm proud of myself that I made it a year. I think the American Academy of Pediatrics would be proud too.

If you have a second, say a prayer for me. Say a prayer for him. And say a prayer that we don't have to put chocolate in the cow's milk to get it to go down his throat!!!

Clutter

2009-04-24T14:56:00.000-05:00

This weekend is "clean your butt off" weekend at our house. Gabriel's 1st birthday party is just a week away and with 20+ people coming, I want to make sure my house looks great. Why is it suddenly so hard to keep my house looking orderly with a kid under one? It's not like he's writing on the walls yet or tipping over potted plants. So if it's not him, then it must be me. Maybe I've gotten a little lackadaisical when it comes to cleaning.

My whole life I've been a cleaner. Every time I would make a trip home to my parent's house, I would clean. They love clutter, which is exactly the opposite of me. I can't stand it. It makes me nauseous. After we were married, and we'd travel back to Mom and Dad's, my husband would find me scouring their sink and organizing spice racks at 2am. Alright, I'm not just a cleaner...I'm a freak.

I've always tried to keep my house as clutter free as possible. But since giving birth, my personal rules have fallen by the wayside. As I type this posting, I can glance into my living room and it looks like Fischer Price, Little Tykes and other random toys made in China threw up all over the floor. The bar in our kitchen seems to grow paper and other clutter weeds every day. It's not like I don't try to keep my house orderly. At least once a week, I try to purge the bar of all the things Michael and I have a hard time putting away. Receipts, magazines, mail, random articles of baby clothing, cups, etc. We do a load of dishes each night. And each night we pick up all of Gabriel's toys, but usually they just get shoved in front of our fireplace, making it yet another Clutter Zone. I just can't seem to get a handle on it. Is there hope? Is there a clean life after baby?

My answer is: I don't know. Right now, the outcome looks bleak. Soon Gabriel will be displacing more things and my carpet will inevidibly endure more stains. And what happens when we have TWO kids? I'm going to have to go back to work just to hire a maid. Oh well. For now, I'll just focus on getting the house looking good for next weekend. It's only got to stay clean for a week. That's manageable...right?

Flying under the radar

2009-04-15T09:13:00.000-05:00

This morning began promptly at 4:40am. I was pulled out of my slumber when the baby monitor sitting next to my bed began wailing, the little red lights blaring a strong level 5 red. Something was wrong. I waited my standard 5 minutes. Maybe the baby had just bonked his head on the crib slates. Surely he would doze back off to sleep. I mean, it was only 4:45am…normal people are still sleeping and surely he would want to be like a normal person and go back to sleep. Oh wait, I’ve forgotten. I have the child who has odd sleep patterns. After switching off the monitor in our room, I laid in bed, still able to hear the cries coming from Gabriel’s room, which is all the way across the house. I threw off the covers ready to go in, when the crying stopped. The house laid silent for about another 5 minutes. YES! Success! He went back to sleep. 5:00am rolls around and I’m still struggling going back to sleep, wondering why Gabriel woke up screaming in the first place. I decide that I’ll just go in and sneak a peek at him. Make sure he’s okay. Maybe he was cold. I’ll cover him up with his blanket and then my mind can be at peace with the situation. Then I’ll be able to go back to sleep. I pull myself out of the bed, floundering around my nightstand trying to find my glasses. After shoving them onto my face, I creep across the house, trying not to bump into anything in the dark or make a noise. I’ve noticed that as I get older, I have the occasional bone creek in my bones or joint pop. So, I move extra slowly trying to avoid making any noise that will wake my sleeping baby.

I approach his door, slowly pushing it open. There is still no noise, aside from the hum of the ceiling fan overhead. I tip toe up to his bed and am extra careful, ready to make a dash for it in case he hears me. I hold my breath and cautiously pear into his bed. There is my little angel, sleeping peacefully on his tummy, blanket tossed to the side. Being the overprotective mom that I am, I think, oh, I’ll just cover him up and then I can have my sigh of relief and go back to bed. As I bend over to pull up soft warm blanket that Grandma Von Fange made, it happens. CRACK! My elbow couldn’t handle the pressure and gave way, cutting through the silence of the room like a Ginsu knife. Not missing a beat, Gabriel’s head immediately pops up.

Now, a normal person would deal with being caught, suffering the consequences. But not me. I’m definitely not normal. As soon as his little head raised up from the mattress, I hit the deck, literally. My whole body went flat on the floor. I laid in complete silence, willing my body to not to twitch. Gabriel knew something was afoot in his room. Out of the corner of my eye, there suddenly was a little hand coming through the crib slates, waving furiously, along with random moments of quiet gibberish. I was determined not to be discovered. I held my position for a good 10 minutes. After that time had passed, I was 70% sure that Gabriel had at least gone from sitting up and sensing danger to laying back down. It was time for me to make my move. Saying a quick prayer for my body to be silent, I slowly slithered out of the room, my presence still undetected thanks to the crib bumper.

When I reached the hallway, pulled myself to my feet, breathing a sigh of relief. I felt a sense of accomplishment. I had just gotten in and out of Gabriel’s room undetected. SUCCESS! Gabriel was no longer upset and was sure to go back to sleep in a matter of a few minutes. I crawled back into my bed, pulled up the covers and just as I put my glasses on the nightstand, I heard it.

WAAAAA!!!

So much for stealth.

I hate ironing...or do I?

2009-04-14T21:39:00.000-05:00

Recently I got into a little tiff with my husband about ironing. Growing up, Michael's mom always ironed shirts for his dad. It was never a power struggle or bone of contention. It was just expected that she would iron the shirts. So, when Michael and I got married, I think he thought that I would end up doing the same thing. And why wouldn't he? That's what he had grown up thinking wives did.

But here's the dilemma...I don't do ironing. I don't even iron my own clothes. In my family, the ironing board was only brought out for special occasions like ironing the Easter or Christmas dress or possibly pressing a pair of slacks for church. But ironing shirts? On a regular basis? Who do I look like, June Cleaver?

As I was saying, a few months ago we got into an argument about Michael desiring that I iron his shirts. He rebutted my firm NO, I WON'T DO IT with the idea that it would really help him out in the mornings and that he would really appreciate it. But I didn't care. I was wrapped up in the idea that if I conceded to pressing his wrinkly shirts that I would be pigeonholed as a little housewife. I started to fear that he thought I needed to iron shirts because what else did I have to do all day now that I was staying at home with the baby? I didn’t want to be labeled…next thing you’d know, I’d be wearing “mom jeans.” I stood my ground, telling him that I was NOT his mother (not such a wise thing to tell your husband, ladies) and that he could iron his own dang shirts.

Now let's fast-forward 4 months. I was sorting laundry (something I absolutely loath doing) and began putting all of those wrinkly shirts on hangers, ready to shove them into the mess of a closet that we have in our bedroom. As I'm scrounging around for more plastic hangers (don't worry Joan Crawford, his shirts don't go on wire hangers), I realized how selfish I was being. I hadn't stopped to think that by ironing Michael's shirts for him I could not only save him time in the mornings, but I could also show him that I loved him. It was something simple that I could do to show him that I didn’t want to make his life harder but easier, and that I wanted to *gulp* serve him. Proverbs 31 talks about the Wife of Nobel Character. This is a woman that I’ve always wanted to be like, striving to match what she does to take care of her family. If this was my model, how was my egotistic attitude reaching this goal? Proverbs 31: 11-12 says this:

“Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

Was that what I was doing? When I stopped and meditated on this verse, I found that I needed to change my tune. So I stopped fussing about not having enough plastic hangers, went and got out the ironing board, and started pressing away. And you know what? It wasn’t that bad! I even got to watch an episode of the Biggest Loser. Definitely a win-win!

I’m still not the perfect wife by any stretch of the imagination, but little by little, I’m becoming a better wife. And at least now my husband will look a little cleaner cut when he goes to work.

If you love food...

2009-04-14T21:10:00.000-05:00

...then you need to check out this blog. My friend Sarah from MOPS started it and it has a ton of easy and yummy recipes. She just recently asked me to start contributing to it and I happily obliged. :) You can check it out here : http://ourfriendskitchen.blogspot.com/

Try my Cheesy Chicken Enchiladas. They're oh so yummy!!!

The fog is beginning to lift

2009-04-13T12:28:00.000-05:00

My son has a tendency to test my patience with his napping abilities. Since day one on this planet, he has made it his mission to not take napping seriously, only sleeping for 45 minutes at the most per nap. But the tables are starting to turn.

Last week, for the entire week, Gabriel decided to take at least hour and a half naps, some lasting two, even THREE hours! I think my daily prayers of nap extension have finally been answered. And what a sigh of relief it is. But this new habit (I'm praying it turns into a habit!) has made me think: I wonder if God sighs relief when we finally get our act together and start being obedient to what He wants us to do? I know God is a loving creator, but I sometimes wonder if he throws his hands up in the air when for the umpteenth time we don't do what he asks of us. Does he ever want to thrown in the towel? Probably not,considering he's still around and pouring out his blessings on each one of us.

I realized that the relationship I long for with my son is one that I need to have with my heavenly father. I need to work on being obedient to the will of God, trying my hardest to do things that are pleasing to Him. Maybe then He can breath that sigh of relief more often when it comes to dealing with my behavior.

I think I'll keep him

2009-04-05T16:29:00.000-05:00

After being with someone for almost 10 years, it's easy to get caught up in the routine of your life. You wake up together, eat breakfast, kiss each other goodbye, go about your day, greet him with a kiss when he gets home, have dinner, put the baby to bed, watch a show, go to bed, and the routine starts all over again. The pattern is not one you stray away too far from because it's comfortable, it's what you know. But occasionally, you or he, may decide to stir things up a bit. That's what happened to me yesterday.

We were busy getting ready to head out to McKinney to see Michael's brother, sister-in-law and kids, throwing ourselves together, trying to keep Gabriel content before we headed out the door. I had just gotten out of the shower, hair still up in a towel, and Michael says to me, "You need to pack an overnight bag." Huh? After razzing him about his secretive plot and learning nothing of his plans, I obliged and threw something together in a bag. Michael casually threw in that I needed to pack something nice to wear for that evening. So after having to make a quick decision on something a little more upscale, I threw my bag into the car and buckled the baby in, hoping I remembered contact solution and my underwear.

After a fun afternoon with the Paul, Rachel and the kids, Michael instructed me to change and Rachel took my sad little baby away for his afternoon nap, instructing me to give him kisses since I wouldn't see him until morning. Again, huh? I did as I was told, and then away we went. Michael surprised me by taking me to the Dallas Arboretum, a magical place of flowers, colors, and scents. We strolled around admiring the tulips, roses, snapdragons, and various other plants that I can't name and it dawned on me. My husband is "dating" me right now! We held hands, not straying far from one another, stole an occasional kiss or two and enjoyed just being together, alone.

Next up was a crazy tour of Downtown Dallas (we had a couple of hours to kill before dinner) and we both decided that navigating Dallas was not something we wanted to have for a day job. We found a cute little place called the Idle Rich Pub and enjoyed a tasty treat while having adult conversation that didn't consist of diapers, what Gabriel had for dinner or how many naps he took. We talked about our future, and our goals and what we wanted to focus our lives on. It was a deep connection neither of us had felt in a long time, especially since adding our son into our family.

After killing sometime in Dallas, I asked where this secret was going to lead us to...in other words, what's for dinner? Mum was the word and after finding our car, we skipped across the street (not literally, Michael doesn't skip), and we had dinner at an amazing restaurant called Sambuca. Then the feast began. We started off with delicious bruschetta tapenades, then moved onto a nicely prepared Ribeye complimented by candied sweet potatoes, prochuttio macaroni and cheese, broccoli crunch, and dill infused tater tots. OH MY WORD! I have never eaten so well in my life! Then to bring the meal to a close, we enjoyed a delicious creme brulee. I almost had to be wheeled out the door.

The night ended on such a high note. We enjoyed our dinner without feeling we had to shovel our food in, hoping to get our money's worth before Gabriel melted down. I got to focus all of my attention on the love of my life, not having to share it with anyone else. It was a perfect evening, with a perfect guy.

All this to say, we realized that we needed to do this more often. Dating your spouse and pushing out the distractions to focus on each other is important. Our next date might not include a Ribeye and live entertainment, but it sure as heck will include childcare. Thanks for a great night, love. It was wonderful.

The lightbulb has been replaced

2009-03-20T21:53:00.001-05:00

So someone finally put in a new halogen at the end of my tunnel. This week I found out that I am set to be done with my master's work in May 2010! That's only a year away! PRAISE GOD!

For those that don't know my sad story, here it is. After finishing a grueling four years at K-State (it really wasn't grueling, I just wanted to use that word), I was swept away by my husband to be to this hot, humid state of Texas. I enrolled at Texas Woman's University, working towards completing my master's in family therapy. I took the maximum amount of classes I could take my first semester which ended up being a mistake. Although receiving all A's my first semester, I was BURNT OUT. I was trying to be a successful college student, work full time, plan a wedding two states away, build a house, and attempting to be civil to my future groom. It wasn't working. So I decided that I would take a semester off. I needed a break. I was owed a break. I had been in school since I was in preschool. Taking six months off would be good for me....

Six months turned into four and a half years. I got lazy. Plain and simple. MY plan was to always go back and finish, but I had other things I wanted to do. In May2006, Michael and I decided that we were ready to expand our family. But after over a year of trying and planning, as well as having to live through a miscarriage, I decided I needed a distraction and that I was going to finish what I started. So in August 2007, I enrolled at Dallas Baptist University, set out to complete this degree that had been hanging over my head for years. God decided to be funny and we found out we were pregnant with Gabriel two weeks after I started school. Funny how life works out that way isn't it?

I won't lie, I was tempted to quit again. I even took the semester after I had Gabriel off so I could adjust to being a new mommy. It was nice. My only responsibility, aside from being a good wife to my husband, was to take care of Gabriel. But God kept pressing on me that I needed to complete this opportunity He blessed me with. So here I am, still trucking away, trying to finish up this degree. And after this past Monday, I can finally see the light at the end of my tunnel! Only one more year of tough weekdays and hard-pressed weekends. In May 2010, I'll have my degree and will be well on my way of becoming the therapist that I've always dreamed of becoming.

God, thank you for putting that desire in my heart. It's only through you that it's becoming a reality.

Frugal Freeland

2009-03-10T16:58:00.000-05:00

I believe I have reached a point of frugality that is cool. The days of Swedish Massages from Olga and pedicures from Hong Hanh (whose American name is Lisa) are LONG gone. About 10 years ago, being frugal was like wearing plaid with stripes. It just didn't work. You were not considered "cool" if you clipped coupons, shopped the clearance rack, or used freecycle.org. Now we're in the present day. Times are different. Both Michael and I are busting it to try to keep our little family of three afloat on one income. I'm a nut when it comes to the Grocery Game, following Slick Deals on Twitter, and am a frequent peruser of FreeCycle. No longer is there shame or stigma attached to hauling in 40 coupons with you when you check out at Kroger or Tom Thumb. Far off are the times when buying anything in a resale shop would consider you of lesser socioeconomic status. Times have changed. Everyone is in the same boat, the Gotta Get a Deal boat.

Earlier this afternoon, one of my best friends and I were talking excitedly about planning a day date of going to Thrift World (the best Resale/Goodwill-esk type store this side of Dallas). I told her I had some birthday money burning a hole in my pocket and she suggested we make a trip. What a great idea, Carissa! The money had been put aside for some new clothes anyway, but the thought of buying actual "NEW" clothes made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. I can't pay full price for anything anymore. So what if it's gently used? If I'm getting it for a $1, vs. $40 at Macy's, who's the sucker?

My transition into Frugal Land has also made my husband thrilled beyond belief. We both get a feeling of joy after planning out our grocery list, taking the time to clip the coupons, and ringing up a whole cart of groceries, having the check out lady hand us a receipt saying we saved 50% or more. (Thank you Grocery Game and my coupon ammunition) It's our way of sticking it to the man...although I'm not quite sure what man we're really sticking it to...and what exactly are we sticking to him?

All of the hipsters are now on the cheap, tightwad train just like me. I actually feel like I'm finally in the cool crowd, sitting at the popular table of prudent, penny-pinchers. Who knows, maybe I'll get nominated for prom queen this year. I'm pretty sure Thrift World has prom dresses on sale in March.

The Addiction

2009-03-08T14:18:00.000-05:00

Hello. My name is Kristina. [Hi, Kristina.] I'm addicted to TV.

I admit it. I'm completely enthralled with this little box that lights up. Michael and I have always joked around about our perfect date being dinner at home and watching a movie together on the couch. But the more we think about it, the more it's not a joke. We really love TV. What's funnier than just being addicted to television is being addicted to television when you don't have cable (or satellite). Our new best friend, offering loads of prime time drama, is hulu.com. Have you heard of it? It's fabulous! Most of the shows we enjoy watching can all be found on hulu (minus Lost). And now that Michael has figured out how to hook up our MacBookPro to our rather large television, the enjoyment of TV watching is even greater.

Here is just a sample of what we're addicted to. (Don't you love that I'm throwing him in this addiction admittance, too?)

In no particular order:
1. Lost
2. The Office
3. Battlestar Galactica
4. Chuck
5. House
6. Heroes
7. Fringe
8. Lie to Me
9. 24 (although your days are numbered Jack Bauer...you've jumped one to many sharks as of late)

Wow. That's only 9...that's not too bad, is it? I mean, we're not even in double digit territory. Maybe I'm not as much of an addict as I thought.

Well, even if I'm not an addict, there is no denying that I LOVE to watch shows with my handsome groom. Although the story lines seem to go no where sometimes (House and Cuddy are never going to do it, Hiro will always think he's meant to save the world alone, there will always be tension between Jack, Sawyer and Kate, and Michael Scott will NEVER learn to be socially appropriate) it's a dang good source of FREE entertainment. Thank you, television networks for feeding my addiction with quality programming. I heart you.

I think I have an Anxiety Disorder....

2009-03-03T09:05:00.000-06:00

I've been prepping for several weeks for 3 things at school. One has been to write a rather large term paper on a Christian counselor named Paul Meier. Next, has been preparing to give a presentation on the paper and third was to take a very difficult test in my Psychopathologies class. Now, if I was single and sans child, I think this would be pretty do-able. But, goodness. Trying to find time to write, prepare, and study, not to mention keeping up-to-date on my readings for both classes, is next to impossible when you're a wife and mother. The laundry is piled up almost 3 feet high, dinner from 3 days ago is clinging onto dear life in the bowls still sitting in the sink, and my house looks like Romper Room. (do you guys remember that show???) How do you find balance to make it all work?

I know that this path is what is best for my family. Eventually, I'll have the degree I've been facinating over for years and then I can go back to work, doing something I feel that God has purposed me for. But the journey of getting there is wearing me thin. Last night, as I was getting my #2 pencil out to take my Psychopathologies test, I was certain that I was about to have a panic attack. Was I ready for this test? I should have studied more. I shouldn't have fallen asleep reading about the medicial treatments to unipolar disorder. What is a neurotransmitter again? Do I remember the mneomonic devise to Obessive Compulsive Disorder? Did I leave the stove on when I left the house? AGH! Then, Dr. Cook (my rockstar teacher) said, "Let's say a prayer shall we?" He proceeded to ask God to bless our time together , to calm our anxious hearts, to sharpen our minds, and to allow us to recall the information we had studied. In that moment, God's peace washed over me.

Now, did I ace my test? No, probably not. (But I did remember the symptoms for OCD!) But God's peace came over me and allowed me to get through that test without going into convulsions or throwing up. I think I even gave a desent presentation. That's sufficient. And for that, I'm grateful.

Face lift

2009-02-27T18:08:00.001-06:00

So I gave my blog a face lift. Thoughts?

Blessed

2009-02-26T16:46:00.000-06:00

The economy is going to crap. Wall Street is out of control. I've got no money left in my 401K (and I'm only 28). Korea still has America in it's crosshairs. Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and several other conservative personalities are telling me that this is the world I've got to get used to and that it's not going to get any better. But today, I'm not worrying about those things. Today I'm not going to be cynical, depressed, angry, or irritated. Today I'm going to feel fortunate and focus on how truly blessed I am.

I'm sitting on my couch, typing away while my 9 month old son is tearing up my magazines, having the time of his life. Am I annoyed? Nope. I'm blessed. I'm blessed that I get to watch Gabriel concentrate on a task and learn. I'm blessed that I get to be at home with him every day and watch him perfect his army crawl. I'm blessed that each day he'll crawl on top of my stomach, butt his head up to mine and give me the most slobbery kiss you can imagine. I'm blessed that I have a husband that pours his blood, sweat, and tears (although I have yet to see him cry) into his job every day so we can have the life we have. I'm blessed that I can stay at home and experience all the firsts that only come with your firstborn. I'm blessed that I can go back to school and finish up a long over due master's degree so some day I can counsel people and hopefully bless their lives. I'm blessed with amazing friends that encourage me, make me laugh, and will take time out of their busy lives to enjoy a good glass of vino with me. I'm blessed to have a family that loves me, even though I was probably a really crappy, disrespectful teenager growing up, and a mother that will talk to me any day of the week, dropping everything she's doing, just to chat about how much of a genius I think my child is. She loves me that much.

Yesterday I was pessimistic. I'm not sure what tomorrow holds, but as for today, I consider myself blessed.

Stillness

2009-02-21T09:19:00.000-06:00

All is well and quite. Gabriel is down for a nap, Michael is designing a lightbox and I'm blogging.

My parents just left from a long stay with us, well with me. They kept Gabriel and I company while Michael was busy working C3. I'm a little sad I missed out on all the amazing things that were said at C3, but I'm happy I got to spend some good, quality time with my parents. Having them all to myself made me realize how lucky I am to have two people who love me so much. Two people who would have moved mountains to help me achieve my dreams. I was able to sit down with my parents two nights in a row, after Gabriel had gone to sleep, and just reminisce on their lives as teenagers and college students. Sipping Orange Pekoe around the kitchen table, I learned some things about my parents that I didn't know. For instance, I didn't know my dad was such a scrapper in high school. Apparently he beat up his share of punks back in the day. My dad! The guy who might try to act tough on the outside, but who's a big softy underneath. And I learned that my mom and dad had very different tastes in music; my dad jabbing my mom about her folky-tree-hugging albums she owned, while my mom razzes my dad about listening to Jimmy Hendrix. It's funny how you learn to listen to your parents more after you've gotten older. How did I not know these things about my parents when I was younger?

I just wanted to jot down a note about what a great week I had with mom and dad. I certainly missed Michael a ton, but it was nice to have some time with just my folks. I love you, mom and dad.

The Cook's Haiku

2009-02-17T12:47:00.000-06:00

Oven full of food
Pulling out delicious treats
OUCH! Pass the burn cream

The Struggle

2009-02-16T12:28:00.000-06:00

Alright, so this isn't some deep, philosophical struggle that I'm dealing with. In fact, it's probably quite stupid. Here it is. I love to sleep, as does my husband. Before Gabriel was even a glimmer, Michael and I would snooze the weekends away. Our Saturday mornings consisted of waking up around 9:30 or 10, watching an episode of Seinfeld, lazily eating a bowl of cereal, and then back to sleep we would go until about noon. It was heaven on earth. The weekends were about being lazy. And that's exactly what we were. I have no feelings of shame in regards to the life that was.

Now we're at present day. We have a wonderful 9 month old that doesn't change his routine much and gets us up promptly at the same time every morning, weekday or weekend. I'll get up with him, nurse him, feed him breakfast and play with him until about 9:30. Here is where we meet our dilemma. At 9:30, Gabriel takes a nap, for roughly an hour, every day. (I've been getting lucky lately, as we've bumped up our 45 minute routine by 15 minutes.) I am faced with the tough decision of staying up and being productive whilst my little one rests, or....going back to bed.

Now many of you may think, GO BACK TO BED. SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS. Have I mentioned that I'm also a graduate student? Which means I have massive amounts of reading to do every day that can only be accomplished when my little darling is asleep and not demanding my attention. And, let us not forget, that I'm also a mom who finds very little time to herself and one of my greatest loves, besides a quiet night with my husband and a bottle of wine, is to SLEEP. So, here is the struggle....do I use the holy hour to rest and re-coop, or do I use it to squeeze in as much study time as humanly possible?

Logically, I know that I should probably use it for the latter, but selfishly I can only think about my bed being only 10 feet away, beckoning me to crawl inside my 600 thread count sheets, pull up the over sized down comforter and snuggle in for a nice morning nap....do you see why there is a battle going on inside of me? If you were in my shoes (I wear a size 10, in case you need to know if you'll fit), what would you do?

Overrated

2009-02-14T09:23:00.001-06:00

Ah, February 14th. The day of love, flowers, chocolates, and romantic dinners. The night where men profess their love to the women in their lives and life is at an all time high.

I love you, Sarah.

I love you too, Robert.

(he gets down on one knee, opening the box containing the ring she has be waiting her whole life for.) Sarah, will you marry me?

(tears in her eyes) Oh yes, Robert, yes!

*insert screeching record here**
Riiiiiight.....In the Freeland house it works a little differently. Valentine's Day is just another day on the calendar. Michael and I have never really celebrated Valentine's Day. We don't bother with it, not to mention my husband is against buying flowers for anyone, let alone me. The thought of being expected to buy me flowers on a certain day because Hallmark tells him it's the thing to do, is repulsive. Second, both of us find it irritating that one day is set aside a year where you're supposed to declare your love for your significant other. Call me cynical, but when I said my vows almost 5 years ago, wasn't I suppose to show my husband I loved him every day of the year?

Now don't get me wrong, I love being wooed. Even though he finds it ridiculous to buy flowers that will eventually die, I enjoy receiving roses, daisies, and the like...I'll never turn those down. But I don't want my husband to give me flowers, chocolates, or ridiculously expensive jewelry because he feels obligated or guilted into it. I want him to show me he loves me intangibly and tangibly when he chooses to (preferably more than once a year!). I think this makes the gesture more genuine and appreciated all the more.

Whether your a cynic like me or you buy into the hub-bub of this commericalized holiday, Happy Valentine's Day. Hopefully your lover will continue telling you how much he/she loves you even after the 14th of February has passed. I know mine will, just not with flowers.

Reflecting

2009-02-08T14:33:00.001-06:00

In the face of tragedy, you tend to do a little soul searching. Here are a couple of things I've discovered this week.

I love my husband as much as I love to breath. I don't know how I would live with out him or how I would go on. My heart aches for two women right now that have just had to find out what this experience is like. Although this world is not the best place for us, as a heavenly reward awaits, my selfish-human nature is to cling to my spouse, my love, with all the strength I have. I want to keep him here as long as possible. I don't want a minute to go by that he doesn't know how much I love him.

Secondly, I've been reminded that family is absolutely key to getting through tragic loss. This week, I've been on the supporting end when it comes to dealing with death. It's hard to know how to support those who are grieving. What do you say? How do you help them? Do you serve as a distraction so they don't have to hone in on their loss? Or do you continually remind them how amazing their loved one was and how they're in a better place? Is that the right thing to say? Maybe you say nothing at all and stay close by to catch the falls and the tears.

Grief is but a chapter that must be read in the book of life. Sometimes it pops up several times throughout the novel. Other times, it just appears at the end. My prayer is that I won't be seeing another chapter like this one for a long time.

Wrapped in Chains

2009-02-03T21:46:00.000-06:00

This is from a posting I did almost 2 years ago about Forgiveness. I was reflecting on it today and thought I would re-post to see if anyone had any new insight about it. Recently I posted about how it's hard to do things in love. How hard is it to do things in love when your foot is stuck in unforgiveness?
__________

Several years ago, our pastor did a sermon series called, “The Real ‘F’ Word.” This word was “forgiveness,” a word and an idea that I struggle with. I’m sure those reading my post have probably never struggled with forgiving someone who has wronged you…

Being a Christ-follower, I am instructed to forgive others. Jesus tells us in Matthew that we are turn the other cheek rather than take an eye for an eye. We are to even love our enemies. What a strange theology to hold in this day of stepping on whoever and burning what ever bridge you have to, to get what you want. He (Jesus) says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” - Matthew 5:38-42. (NIV)

Jesus goes onto say, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore as your heavenly Father is perfect.” - Matthew 5:43-48. (NIV)

So first we are to turn the other cheek to those who offend us, and then we are to love them as well? This seems like an impossibility. How do we forgive the friend we trusted that stabbed us in the back? How do we forgive the parent that made our childhood a nightmare? How do we forgive a boss who belittles and is unappreciative? How do we forgive a spouse that cheats? I’m not saying that I have experienced all or any of these things, but maybe you have. So where is the hope? My answer is, Jesus Christ. I have seen supernatural behavior (that is behavior that had to be ordained by God) from people that have been absurdly treated. They have been able to speak of their offenders with love and compassion, and not fall victim to the evil one’s (Satan’s) plan for destruction. They have learned from these incidents and have grown as a result of them. Instead of being viewed as martyrs, I see them as teachers. It gives me hope that Christ enables me to take on the mantle of forgiveness and not be tethered to unforgiveness when dealing with issues where I have been wronged. Unforgiveness will eat your lunch. It causes you to harbor resentment, anger, bitterness and sadness, just to name a few. How can this be beneficial for the soul? Soon you distance yourself from your friends, your family and even God.

I want to encourage you, if you are reading this, to give forgiveness a chance. Our time here on earth is far too precious to be wasted away thinking of revenge, retaliation and retribution. I’m not saying that Christ calls us to be doormats. He does however teach us to forgive others, to seek our counsel wisely and to MOVE. Moving may look like this: being a bit more careful about who your chose as as your closest confidant. Maybe it’s having a healthy open conversation with a parent. Maybe it’s taking a leap of faith and sharing with your employer how they make you feel, even if you might get fired. Maybe it’s seeking a Christian counselor for you and your spouse. Maybe doing just one of these things will bring you closer to forgiveness. I don’t know all the answers, but I do know that Christ calls us to live a live worth living for Him and that includes forgiving one another as we have been forgiven by our Heavenly and Eternal Father. It is a bitter pill to swallow at times. My journey through forgiveness has just begun. But, I will continue to strive to be more like Christ who took on MY sins and the sins of the world, forgiving me and you, and building the bridge we need to reach our Father in Heaven. Rid yourself of the chains and the bondage of unforgiveness. Forgive your neighbor, or maybe even yourself, as Christ has forgiven us.

Just say what you mean!

2009-02-02T08:48:00.000-06:00

I'm trying to prepare for my Psychopathologies class tonight and find myself frustrated. Why is it that all textbooks have to read like a Swedish instruction manual? (And no, I'm not talking about the ones from IKEA...) We've been instructed to read 4 texts for this class and so far, two of the four could be considered torture devices. Here's just a snippet of what I'm talking about.

"Whether the transfer of authority is due to language and legislation, a shift from modernity to postmodernity, the role words play in shaping our character or all of the above, what keeps Christians in the mental health field from drawing on the language and explanatory framework of sin?" - Modern Psychopathologies, pg.93

WHAT??? I had to re-read this 3 times and OUT LOUD just to make sure this was a real sentence. The WHOLE book reads like this.

Now I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent person (some may disagree), but why can't we just say what we mean when writing textbooks? Why does everything have to be a Thesaurus Challenge? I'm all about learning new words, new phrases, and new ideas, but smashing 35 of these things all together in one paragraph can be a bit intimidating. And when I find myself intimidated, it's hard for me to attack assignments with any type of fervor. It's hard to get myself motivated to read paragraph after paragraph and chapter after chapter when I know I'm going to have to re-read sentences 3-4 times to grasp their meaning.

So far, I'm achieving an A average in grad school....but when I struggle with something like this, I have to ask myself, "Am I cut out for this?"

Doin' it for Love...

2009-01-31T14:15:00.000-06:00

If there’s one thing I know, it’s that I’m 100% mom. Always have been. I was the one taking in a friend under my wing throughout school. I’m always looking for ways to help out my friends. Be it listening to them lament about their marriages or kid, or be the encourager who says, “No you don’t look fat in that. In fact, I think you’ve lost some weight since the last time I saw you." I think God designed me to care for and nurture others. But sometimes when you’re trying to care for and nurture your husband and your own child, it’s hard to do in love 100% of the time.

I’ve been studying the book of 1 Corinthians and Paul specifically addresses that we should do all things in love. The greatest commandment is to love. But how difficult is it to do things in love ALL the time? Cooking dinner while trying to feed/entertain an 8 month old, changing yet another dirty diaper because the child couldn’t have done both businesses in the diaper you changed 10 minutes prior, cleaning a house that more often than not resembles PeeWee’s Playhouse minus Lawrence Fishburn…All these things are hard to complete in love when you feel like you have a hundred other things you should be doing, scratch that, want to be doing instead. Do you hear what I’m saying? Do you struggle with this too?

Just because I struggle with this doesn’t change the fact that God commands me to fulfill my role as a wife and mother; doing both with the utmost amount of love. I strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I know that’s the type of woman God, my husband, and my child want me to be. The key to being this kind of woman, wife, and mother is to do all things in love, which is an uphill battle; one I’m sure to win. But the only way to win the battle is by pulling out the only ammunition that never fails: love.

Some babies just...

2009-01-31T14:14:00.000-06:00

Several months ago, my pediatrician told me that "some babies just don't nap" when I came to him, haggard and worn from not getting any rest from my screaming bundle of joy. After mocking this statement for months, I've learned that you could say this about a lot of things in life. "Some babies just don't nap." "Some babies just don't like to be cold." "Some babies just don't like to be small."

But this blog isn't about what babies don't like. It's about finding out what some babies are like. The babies being me, my husband, my own child, my friends, my parents, etc. It's about me figuring out who I am as a mom, a wife, a student, and a friend. Considering my son has his own blog (gabrielfreeland.blogspot.com) I figured that I should have one that's just for me where I can post whatever I want. Hopefully I can gain some insight from other people seemingly more qualified than I am. So join me in the trenches of parenting and life. Hopefully we can get to our final destination of the empty nest and retirement without too many battle wounds.