Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Can I at least get front row parking?

The doctors office visit was, let's say, interesting. Thankfully I was able to get a friend to watch Gabriel at the last minute. And good thing too. I don't think I would have lasted long at the doctor's office with him, especially since I had to be there for almost TWO HOURS!!!!!!!!

Seriously, health care professionals, are you trying to piss everyone off? I wait for eons in the regular waiting room, and finally you call my name. I think, YES! I'm up! I've been patient, reading a good book to pass the time (Pillars of the Earth, if you're interested...very good), so I'm not too irritated yet. In fact, I feel a little bit of excitement and anticipation in seeing a doctor. For me, there has never been fear. I actually look forward to our 5 minute long, $150 chats. But after being escorted back to an even tinier waiting room, I expect to be seen fairly quickly...otherwise, WHY CALL MY NAME IF YOU AREN'T READY TO SEE ME?

Super-not-so-friendly-I-wish-I-had-another-profession-nurse-Lisa takes my vitals, gripping about this and that. After finding out when my last period was and learning that my blood pressure is normal, she slaps that super fake smile on her face and says that stereotypical phrase of, "The doctor will be into see you in just a moment." Just a moment...ha.

As I sit on the squeaky exam table, legs dangling over the side, I think, I wonder if she's going to tell me my foot's fractured. Maybe I'll have to wear an air cast. Ooh! Maybe they'll take an xray or two. I wonder what's going on with my knees...Then 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 25 minutes pass... I'm eyeing my purse sitting on the opposite side of the room, containing my book. I thought the doctor was ready to see me. What the heck? I hesitate on moving from my perch. Not only do I not want to wake the dead with the squeak of this table (remember, it's a sin to make noise at the doctor's office), but was quite painful to even hop up here and will surely be painful to get back down and then back up again. But it's approaching a 30 minute wait now...I'm starting to die of boredom, wondering if that's a diagnosis she'll put on my chart. Ah, screw it. I hop down and grab the book and decide to sit in the more comfortable chair on the other side of the room. Just as I settle back into the dark tale of Tom and Ellen, in comes Dr. Henderson. I've now been at the doctor's office for an hour and a half.

The next thirty minutes are full of painful stretches, three xrays, and more waiting. And the verdict, you ask? I'm old and bruised. Huh? I'm 28. How is that possible? According to this super smart genius with a medical degree, I have degenerative arthritis in both knees and a very badly bruised ankle.

Okay, doc, is there anything I can do about it? Pain meds perhaps?

Oh no, silly 28 year old. No pain meds for you. You're still nursing your son, so you're going to have to live with it. You need to stay off those knees for three weeks.

Oh, and no more running for you.


But joining the geriatrics at the gym for Aqua Fit is an super alternative. Thank you for your $20 copay. Our office will be happy to collect the other $150 from your insurance company...hope you've met your deductible.

*sigh* I wonder if I can start getting my 10% discount at Kohls and IHOP...


  1. That sucks. Big time. But don't give up. Read everything you can and get a second opinion. Even a third and fourth. Never give up. Never surrender! (Sorry, I watched Galaxy Quest the other day).

  2. The Geriatric crowd is actually a pretty good group of people who will want to see your adorable son and oo and ahh over him. To tell you the truth aqua fit is a good work out.

  3. I find the double standard interesting. Why is it we have to reschedule if we're 15 minutes late, but they can make us wait indefinitely?

  4. Yes, isn't waiting in the exam room torture? When I was in my last trimester, I often waited an hour on that uncomfortable table, and my back would just be KILLING me.

    Sigh. I love your comment about $150 for a 5-minute conversation. Sad but true.