Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Spinning Plates

And for my next trick, I will balance a full cup of coffee on my head while carrying a 30lb toddler in one arm, ironing my husband's shirts with the other, and testing the baby's bath water with one foot, all while studying for my three exams that will be given the next day.

That, my friends, is an understatement. My life feels like a three ring circus and I'm the final clown trying to squeeze into the car with all the other clowns whose work loads are similar to mine. Practicum started last week and school starts this week. Someone pass the Valium.

When I signed up to do three classes and a 20 hr/week internship, I thought, "No problem. It'll just be like having a full time job and being a mommy at the same time. Tons of people do it everyday. I can do it too."

Holy crap. How do you people do it? How do you manage to raise your kids, attend to your husband, keep your house clean, keep the dog fed, dishes and laundry done and work everyday without developing a drug or alcohol problem? I feel like I should sign up for an AA meeting now, even though I haven't started drinking.

Last night after I got home from the Advocacy Center, I laid in bed next to my husband, desperate to go to sleep. But all I could do was look at him and think, "Did I make the right choice? Is all this work, all this sacrifice, my family is enduring for me, worth it?" With tears streaming down my face at the thought, my husband took his hand, wiped away my tears, and said, "I love you." In that moment, I knew he was saying that he's in this with me. It's going suck, sure. I know there will be plenty of long nights and definitely more tears. But we're going to go through it together and when I'm finished in May, I'll be able to stand there in my cap and gown and say, "I'm no longer one of the clowns in a tiny car. I've graduated. I'm now the ringleader."


  1. Signing up for AA BEFORE you start drinking? Man, you are so put together!!
    You're doing great. Don't be so hard on yourself! I am super duper dee duper proud of you. But now you understand why it takes me so long to return calls. Ha ha!

  2. You're STILL ironing his shirts! You are either amazing or crazy. Hang in there.

  3. I know exactly how you feel! Somedays will be awful but some days are entirely awesome! Good luck with your journey.