7 days and counting

One week.

That's it. One week until my hot little hands are holding my master's degree! Last Thursday I was overwhelmed with relief as I finished up my last class. Then on Monday, God gave me even more relief as I e-mailed off my last paper. Technically, I am finished with graduate school at DBU. It's done and it feels amazing! All that I have left to do is walk across the stage on the 13th.

People keep asking me, "So, what are you going to do next?" As much as I'd like to say, "I'm going to Disney World!" or "I have my future path all mapped out!", the truth is I really don't have a clue. The only thing I am counting on is taking (and hopefully passing) my NCE (National Counseling Exam) in July. Then who knows? I'm not in a huge hurry to grow up. I do plan to take the entire summer off and have fun with Gabriel. My hope is that I'll be able to make up for some lost time from the months of school and evenings I've been away for the past 2 years. I also plan on reading FOR FUN, going on a few small trips, and sewing. But after that, it's really up to God.

I'm not short of goals though. My big goal is to find a good, solid, Christian counseling center that I can start my internship with. But I'm not in too big of a rush. I know that if I'm focused on being in God's will, he'll put me right where He wants me. Until then, I'm going to sit back, relax, and enjoy this long awaited accomplishment!

Ahhhhhh.....

Pass me some expensive cheese and a fine bottle of wine! I just finished up my last test of graduate school and I'm ready to celebrate!

It seems surreal that in just five short weeks I'm going to have a real master's degree in my hot little hands. Reflecting on this with my friend Ali, I realized how big of an accomplishment this is for me. Ali exclaimed, "Wow! You did this, and were also able to be a full time mommy and wife!" You know what? She's right! I DID! I stuck with it. And it was hard. But it was worth it. I've found a career that I absolutely love. It's extremely rewarding and allows me to incorporate God's truth into helping people heal from their hurts.

So now, before I begin "working" for real (aka getting PAID to counsel), I'm going to enjoy this reprieve and bask in the greatness of God blessing me with this moment.

2010, the Latest Frontier

2010. It's here. No stopping it. Only 2 more years until the world ends, according to the sun worshiping folk from 100's of years ago. I think someone must have put something in the Kool-Aid, because according to my calculations (and my calculations are based on fact; aka the Word of God), I don't think we're going to "know" when the world will end and when Jesus is making his second appearance. So, I'm not worrying about it.

But thinking about the passing of years and how many I may have left (I'm only one year from 30 as of yesterday, you know...) I've recently been contemplating what this year is going to hold for me. From the looks of it, it could be quiet exciting. Here's just a few things that may (or may not) get accomplished this year.

1. I graduate with my master's degree in May. PRAISE JESUS! After three long years (longer if you include my first attempt back in 2003...), I'm finally going to finish what I started with a Master of Arts in Counseling. It's been an uphill battle, but well worth it. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's standing there waiting for me, holding a big margarita to celebrate.

2. Taking my NCE (National Counselors Exam) soon after graduation to attain my temporary license so I can officially start working at an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor)!

3. Finishing up the MFT (Marriage and Family Therapy) requirements of my program by August and taking the required exam for that so I can obtain my LMFT (can you guess what that stands for?).

4. Leading a group of mommies in our 2010 Spring MOPS group. I'm so excited to minister to these gals and to be a part of such a wonderful program. Building relationships with new and veteran mommies is such a soft spot on my heart and I can't wait to see what unfolds. Plus, hello, free breakfast every two weeks???

5. Maybe, just maybe make us a family of four....we'll see if God has that in the cards.

6. Continue to watch Gabriel grow up and celebrate his SECOND birthday in May. I can't believe he's almost two. Tomorrow he'll be 20 months. That's only 4 months away from 2! He's at such a fun stage right now and I know it's fleeting, but we're enjoying it while it's here. I love that he will sit in his room for 15-20 minutes at times, just reading to himself in his own language. It melts my heart to hear that gibberish that has such meaning to him.

7. Celebrate 6 wonderful years with the love of my life...I wonder where we'll go to celebrate this year?

8. Getting involved in our church and growing as a leader.

9. Growing closer to the Lord. I've been pretty bad about putting my relationship with Him on the back burner for several months and I think it's time that my position of apathy changes. He is the only reason I am blessed to celebrate, experience and grow from the above 8 things. This year, I want to make Him the priority instead of the things in life that really don't matter.

10. Come up with more acronyms.

Just a few things that 2010 has in store for me. Here's to a new, prosperous year!

"I love being a girl"

I'm such a girl sometimes. I cry, I pout, I produce more drama in my life than I have executive rights for. I usually say way too much and have a difficult time saying no. I over-commit. And in the end, I usually feel completely overwhelmed.

But thank the good Lord above for girlfriends. Yesterday was a textbook case of the female breakdown. I called a bestie yesterday afternoon to discuss the said crisis for the week and completely melted in the car. There I was, driving down FM 407, mascara running down my face, wiping my nose on my sleeve, bawling into the phone, trying to get to my internship (a major source of my stress). I told her that I think I'm like Mrs. Incredible minus the "incredible" part. You know the part in The Incredibles where Mrs. Incredible has to save her children from the burning plane and so she has to stretch herself out like a balloon? That's me. Not the life-saving, courageous part. The stretched out to the limit part, with people clinging onto you, wanting something from you. (Dramatic, I told you.)

After sobbing to my friend for way too long, I said, "Do you know what I mean?" And she said, "Yes. I feel that way, too." Now, I'm not happy that she's neck deep this crap. I hurt for her. But, it is comforting to know that I'm not alone in the foxhole. I've got someone beside me that understands where I'm at and what I'm going through. And, after talking with her and asking for some prayer, I felt like I could be Mrs. Incredible just a little bit longer...but just until May.

Spinning Plates

And for my next trick, I will balance a full cup of coffee on my head while carrying a 30lb toddler in one arm, ironing my husband's shirts with the other, and testing the baby's bath water with one foot, all while studying for my three exams that will be given the next day.

That, my friends, is an understatement. My life feels like a three ring circus and I'm the final clown trying to squeeze into the car with all the other clowns whose work loads are similar to mine. Practicum started last week and school starts this week. Someone pass the Valium.

When I signed up to do three classes and a 20 hr/week internship, I thought, "No problem. It'll just be like having a full time job and being a mommy at the same time. Tons of people do it everyday. I can do it too."

Holy crap. How do you people do it? How do you manage to raise your kids, attend to your husband, keep your house clean, keep the dog fed, dishes and laundry done and work everyday without developing a drug or alcohol problem? I feel like I should sign up for an AA meeting now, even though I haven't started drinking.

Last night after I got home from the Advocacy Center, I laid in bed next to my husband, desperate to go to sleep. But all I could do was look at him and think, "Did I make the right choice? Is all this work, all this sacrifice, my family is enduring for me, worth it?" With tears streaming down my face at the thought, my husband took his hand, wiped away my tears, and said, "I love you." In that moment, I knew he was saying that he's in this with me. It's going suck, sure. I know there will be plenty of long nights and definitely more tears. But we're going to go through it together and when I'm finished in May, I'll be able to stand there in my cap and gown and say, "I'm no longer one of the clowns in a tiny car. I've graduated. I'm now the ringleader."

The Internship

Got some great news this week. I nailed down my practicum site. WOOHOO! I'm so excited. You may or may not know, but I'm working on my master's degree in counseling right now. I've now reached the point in my program where I actually get to try out what I've been learning to do. And, starting in August, I'm going to be working with kids and their families at the Children's Advocacy Center. It's a little scary to think that I'm really going to be responsible for counseling people, especially children. But, I'm hopeful that I'll be well trained, supervised and will get a LOT of feedback on how to improve my craft.

My heart beats strongly for the kids that come through this center. For those that don't know what the Children's Advocacy Center does, let me enlighten you. The CAC works with children that have been sexually abused. These kids come to the center to tell their story and to work with counselors, the police and child protective services. The goal is to offer a service that assists in the healing process these kids so desperately need. The staff works hard to prepare these kids to testify in court when they have to face their perpetrator(s). They not only use individual and group counseling techniques, but they offer special services to the children and their families, such as dog and equine assisted therapy. They also team up with a group called BACA. Click on the link to learn more about this awesome program. I'm telling you, this center does amazing things.

I know that this practicum experience is going to be hard. I know it's going to be challenging. But, I also know that it will be rewarding to be apart of the healing that's going to take place in the lives of these children that have been so unfairly wounded. Here's to learning and to helping others.

The lightbulb has been replaced

So someone finally put in a new halogen at the end of my tunnel. This week I found out that I am set to be done with my master's work in May 2010! That's only a year away! PRAISE GOD!

For those that don't know my sad story, here it is. After finishing a grueling four years at K-State (it really wasn't grueling, I just wanted to use that word), I was swept away by my husband to be to this hot, humid state of Texas. I enrolled at Texas Woman's University, working towards completing my master's in family therapy. I took the maximum amount of classes I could take my first semester which ended up being a mistake. Although receiving all A's my first semester, I was BURNT OUT. I was trying to be a successful college student, work full time, plan a wedding two states away, build a house, and attempting to be civil to my future groom. It wasn't working. So I decided that I would take a semester off. I needed a break. I was owed a break. I had been in school since I was in preschool. Taking six months off would be good for me....

Six months turned into four and a half years. I got lazy. Plain and simple. MY plan was to always go back and finish, but I had other things I wanted to do. In May2006, Michael and I decided that we were ready to expand our family. But after over a year of trying and planning, as well as having to live through a miscarriage, I decided I needed a distraction and that I was going to finish what I started. So in August 2007, I enrolled at Dallas Baptist University, set out to complete this degree that had been hanging over my head for years. God decided to be funny and we found out we were pregnant with Gabriel two weeks after I started school. Funny how life works out that way isn't it?

I won't lie, I was tempted to quit again. I even took the semester after I had Gabriel off so I could adjust to being a new mommy. It was nice. My only responsibility, aside from being a good wife to my husband, was to take care of Gabriel. But God kept pressing on me that I needed to complete this opportunity He blessed me with. So here I am, still trucking away, trying to finish up this degree. And after this past Monday, I can finally see the light at the end of my tunnel! Only one more year of tough weekdays and hard-pressed weekends. In May 2010, I'll have my degree and will be well on my way of becoming the therapist that I've always dreamed of becoming.

God, thank you for putting that desire in my heart. It's only through you that it's becoming a reality.

I think I have an Anxiety Disorder....

I've been prepping for several weeks for 3 things at school. One has been to write a rather large term paper on a Christian counselor named Paul Meier. Next, has been preparing to give a presentation on the paper and third was to take a very difficult test in my Psychopathologies class. Now, if I was single and sans child, I think this would be pretty do-able. But, goodness. Trying to find time to write, prepare, and study, not to mention keeping up-to-date on my readings for both classes, is next to impossible when you're a wife and mother. The laundry is piled up almost 3 feet high, dinner from 3 days ago is clinging onto dear life in the bowls still sitting in the sink, and my house looks like Romper Room. (do you guys remember that show???) How do you find balance to make it all work?

I know that this path is what is best for my family. Eventually, I'll have the degree I've been facinating over for years and then I can go back to work, doing something I feel that God has purposed me for. But the journey of getting there is wearing me thin. Last night, as I was getting my #2 pencil out to take my Psychopathologies test, I was certain that I was about to have a panic attack. Was I ready for this test? I should have studied more. I shouldn't have fallen asleep reading about the medicial treatments to unipolar disorder. What is a neurotransmitter again? Do I remember the mneomonic devise to Obessive Compulsive Disorder? Did I leave the stove on when I left the house? AGH! Then, Dr. Cook (my rockstar teacher) said, "Let's say a prayer shall we?" He proceeded to ask God to bless our time together , to calm our anxious hearts, to sharpen our minds, and to allow us to recall the information we had studied. In that moment, God's peace washed over me.

Now, did I ace my test? No, probably not. (But I did remember the symptoms for OCD!) But God's peace came over me and allowed me to get through that test without going into convulsions or throwing up. I think I even gave a desent presentation. That's sufficient. And for that, I'm grateful.

Just say what you mean!

I'm trying to prepare for my Psychopathologies class tonight and find myself frustrated. Why is it that all textbooks have to read like a Swedish instruction manual? (And no, I'm not talking about the ones from IKEA...) We've been instructed to read 4 texts for this class and so far, two of the four could be considered torture devices. Here's just a snippet of what I'm talking about.

"Whether the transfer of authority is due to language and legislation, a shift from modernity to postmodernity, the role words play in shaping our character or all of the above, what keeps Christians in the mental health field from drawing on the language and explanatory framework of sin?" - Modern Psychopathologies, pg.93

WHAT??? I had to re-read this 3 times and OUT LOUD just to make sure this was a real sentence. The WHOLE book reads like this.

Now I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent person (some may disagree), but why can't we just say what we mean when writing textbooks? Why does everything have to be a Thesaurus Challenge? I'm all about learning new words, new phrases, and new ideas, but smashing 35 of these things all together in one paragraph can be a bit intimidating. And when I find myself intimidated, it's hard for me to attack assignments with any type of fervor. It's hard to get myself motivated to read paragraph after paragraph and chapter after chapter when I know I'm going to have to re-read sentences 3-4 times to grasp their meaning.

So far, I'm achieving an A average in grad school....but when I struggle with something like this, I have to ask myself, "Am I cut out for this?"