Fluff Frenzy

Photo Credit: Love and Whimsy Photography

I didn't know it was possible to become addicted to diapers. Cloth diapers, that is. We are in love with them! Who knew that cute prints and fluffy little bottoms would be something I didn't get tired of?

We've been "CDing" it (cloth diapering) for 7 weeks now and I love it even more than I did when we first started. There are some that would be skeptical about starting to cloth diaper, but let me expel some myths for you about cloth diapering.

1. "I'll have to use pins and old Birdseye cloth diapers. What a hassle, not to mention unflattering."

Nope. Truth is there are so many options out there for cloth diapering mommies and daddies now that it can actually be like trying to find a prom dress. They're all so cute, but which ones do I choose? We have a variety of cloth diapers to choose from, which I like. I'm glad we aren't an "all one system" family. My husband has his favorites and I have mine. Surprisingly, my favorites are prefolds! (These are the ones that are most similar to the cloth diapers our grandparents used. But the upgrade is no pins and they have the most adorable diaper covers for them!) My husband prefers the pocket diapers. These are diapers you can use just like a disposable, except they're reusable! Each night after the diapers are clean and dry, I stuff microfiber inserts into the pocket liners and then they're ready to use the next morning. You put them on baby just like a regular diaper! Diaper changes are fast and easy!

2. "I'll have to spend so much money up front. We just can't afford it."

Well, this might be somewhat true but not completely. When you figure in the cost of buying newborn diapers for the first month or two, you've about covered your cost. The beauty of cloth diapering is you spend it once and don't have to spend money again! (Unless you get sucked into buying more diapers because they're so cute...not that I do that...) Cloth diapering can be done as little as around $100, upwards to $400-500. It just depends on the system you choose. As I mentioned, we chose a mixture of diapers including all-in-ones, pockets, prefolds, and fitteds. To date, I spent around $300 total. That included about 24 different diapers, diaper creams, detergent, snappies and a wet bag. I would have spent this on disposables within the first two or so months.

3. "They'll be so messy. Eww. Can't deal with all the poo."

Seriously? Have you ever used a disposable? They are notorious for blowouts and leaks! Another great thing about cloth diapers is that they fit around your child better to contain blowouts and leaks. Unlike a disposable, cloth diapers have elastic in the back, containing blowouts and leaks better. And washing them is a breeze. Because Dominic is strictly breastfed, his dirty diapers are totally water soluble. At night, I just toss the whole wet bag of diapers in and wash up! No mess, no hassle. When he starts solids, I'll have a nifty little device called a diaper sprayer that will just spray the poo off into the toilet. No dunking and swirling required. And really, if you're afraid of poo, you might rethink being a parent if you haven't had kids yet. Poo is inevitable, as is spit up, vomit, and getting peed on. Get used to it.


4. "It's a total pain to wash all those diapers. And you're using up so much water!"
Wrong. It's easy. I actually look forward to doing my diaper laundry. I know that sounds strange since I dispise all other kinds of laundry. But doing fluffy laundry is fun! How can you deny that a full clothesline of diapers is stinkin' cute? And if we're talking about harming the environment, have you considered how many disposable diapers are just sitting in landfills, NOT breaking down? Billions! Sure, we use a little more water now that we're doing an extra load of laundry a day. But compared to the harm those disposables are doing in landfills, I think my conscience can rest happily knowing I'm not putting another diaper in our landfills.

Photo Credit: Love and Whimsy Photography

5. "They're not practical for out and about usage."
Sure they are! That's why amazing women (and men) around the globe have come up with new and improved cloth diapering systems that cater to busy parents. Packing up a few cloth diapers when I go out is no more impractical than carrying several disposables in a diaper bag. I have a little wet bag that I keep in my diaper bag that the used diaper can go into. Then I take it home and wash it up with the rest of the day's diapers. Now I realize that cloth diapering can intimate folks that are not used to it or have no experience with it. I haven't jumped ship entirely and abandoned disposables all together. If I were leaving my child in the church nursery, at this point, I'd probably send my baby in a disposable. But if it's just me, toolin' around town, we're CDing all the way! They're no more of a pain than changing a disposable and I can use my diapers all over again the next day!

As I stated in an earlier post about cloth diapering, we are not doing this entirely for the "green" reasons. Our driving force behind cloth diapering our son was to save money. Let's face it, times are tough and money's tight in a one income household. You've got to pinch pennies where you can. We've found that cloth diapering our baby is an easy and fun way to do this. I'm not against disposables for others. If that works best for you, go for it. But this system has been life changing for us and I wish I had figured CDing out earlier and had used them for Gabriel. We could have saved thousands of dollars, literally.

If you're throwing around the idea of CDing your babies, I'd encourage you to do a lot of research to figure out what system would work best for you. You might want to use a hybrid system like me, or maybe you've fallen in love with a particular brand. Give it a shot and try it out for a couple months. In the end, if you try it out and don't like it (which I haven't heard many that don't) you can always go back. All you've spent is a couple months worth of diapers. Check out great information websites like theclothdiaperwhisperer.com, kellyscloset.com, jackbenatural.com, and diaperjungle.com. These are just a few sites that have great information and are great places to purchase cloth. Or host a diaper party! I did this (see Febuary's posts for my experience with this), and loved it. It was so informative and allowed me to really decide what kind of system I'd want to invest in. Bottom line, consider it. My guess is you'll fall in love with it too. Then you may be trying to figure out how to come up with extra money to purchase more fluff for your baby...not that I do that either.

4 to 6 weeks

It's officially happening. God is starting to prepare me for the arrival of a second child. The nights of full sleep, or even just waking up once to pee are officially over. It's now up to pee 3-4 times and rolling over every 45 minutes or so each night. My days of sleep and feeling rested are over, at least for a year.

And surprisingly, I'm okay with that.

33 weeks pregnant and measuring at 35. EEK!

Dominic's going to be officially joining our family in just a month or so and I'm starting to get a little nervous. People are constantly asking me, "Are you excited?" Well, yes. I'm excited to meet this new child that God has blessed us with and allowed me to be a mother of. But am I excited about losing time with my first child, losing sleep and possibly losing my mind from being busy and overwhelmed? Um, no. I'm a wee bit frightened.

But I have to say, I think I'm going into the arrival of this baby with much more mental preparation than I did with Gabriel. Here are just a few things I've learned from Baby 1 to Baby 2.

1. The first 3-4 weeks will totally suck. There is no getting around it. There will be no sleep. I will be completely exhausted. But it will eventually end and I will get into a rhythm.

2. I will absolutely take all the help I can get from family and friends. I am not super mom and God has put these people in my life for a reason. Sometimes that reason will be to take Gabriel on a play date or hold Dominic while I take a shower. I am not above asking for help.

3. The laundry and the dishes will pile up. Eventually I will get to them, but I am not going to stress out if my house is not vaccuumed and everything is not in it's proper place.

4. My husband is my biggest ally. We will work as a team to transition our family from 3 to 4.

And the biggest thing I learned from Baby 1 to Baby 2 -

5. If I start to get sad or depressed, it's okay. But I will immediately let my doctor know and take action to get out of my slump as quickly as possible. I will not isolate myself from others and will try to get out into the world as quickly as I can.

I realize that with Baby 2, new insights will be realized and if/when we have Baby 3, I'll have even more things to add to that list. Right now, Baby D is measuring about 2 weeks early, so the arrival of our newest little guy could be here in just a month. Hopefully the transition to having a new child and Gabriel's transition to having a new brother will go smoother than I could ever imagine. Here's to God stretching me.

On another note related to preparing for Dominic's arrival, we've been working hard on getting his room ready. Michael and I cleaned out our guest bedroom, strategically hiding more junk in the garage and attic. Michael's been amazing, painting Dominic's room and being his perfectionist designer self, adding little touches that will make his room unique. I've been sewing like crazy and putting together Dominic's bedding set. I decided to make his bedding this time around and am happy to say that it's turning out fantastic! So far, I have the crib skirt and one crib sheet done. I'm about halfway done with his blanket, but it's coming along great too. I've included a couple of snap shots of his room and bedding in progress. It's not finished yet, but it's really coming together nicely and should be finished in the next couple of weeks. Our little guy is going to be stylin'!

I also celebrated turning the big 3-0 with an amazing 80's themed birthday party that Michael hosted for me. It was so much fun! Seeing an 8 month pregnant girl dressed in flash dance attire is a sight to see, by the way. I didn't even think it was possible to get my bangs that high anymore. My friends were great, dressing up and really getting into the theme of the evening.


I know the next several weeks are going to fly by and before we know it, we'll be a family of four. Right now, I'm just so thankful to be surrounded by good friends and family that are willing to come on the ride with us!

The Year was 1981....

Today is the day. I'm officially in a new age bracket. Today is the day I turned 30. And on such days, it's fun to look back at what was going on the year you were born. Back in 1981:

1. The first DeLorean sports cars roll off the assembly line.

2. Prince Charles and Diana Spencer marry July 29.

3. Music Television was born

4. Tom Cruise makes his acting debut.

5. Sandra Day O'Connor becomes first female Supreme Court Justice.

6. A stamp only cost $.15!

7. The 1st space shuttle called the Columbia launches for the first time.

8. Olivia Newton John's song, "Let's Get Physicial" is a number one hit.

9. The US Agriculture Department tries making ketchup a school lunch vegetable

10. Atari releases home version of Pac-Man in the US and sparks a huge craze

It seems to me that most people "my age" don't really freak out too much about turning 30, and I didn't think I would either. But to be honest, it's a little unnerving to say that I'm no longer in my 20's. Not that I feel like I'm old and playing my last round, but there's something different, something, "maturing", about turning 30. Here are just a few things I've realized about myself now that I'm thirty and officially an adult.

1. Coloring my hair is no longer just for fun. It really is a necessity to hide all those grays.

2. Staying up past midnight is absolutely crazy and if I chose to be so nuts, it will take me at least 24 to 48 hours to recover from loss of sleep.

3. My body does not bounce back the way it once did.

4. I now relish a cup of coffee.

5. Naps are a gift from God.

6. The experience of being a wife and a mother far out-way the fun I had as a 20 something girl, playing the field.

7. Staying at home on a Friday night, curled up on the couch with my husband is my idea of a fabulous date.

8. Friendships are not disposable and it's important to put forth the effort to keep them active, alive and healthy.

9. Staying true to my convictions as a Christ follower are of greater importance than trying to fit in with the main stream society.

10. God willing, I've only lived a third of my life!

Those are just ten of many things I've realized and I'm sure the next 30 years will bring about more epiphanies. I know in just the upcoming year I have a lot to look forward to! Here's to you 30. May you be the beginning of a great era in my life.

Reflecting

As I was rocking my sniffling little boy this morning, I was reflecting on how blessed I was. It seems odd to have this thought pop in your head when you're awakened at 5:45am to the sound of crying and your little one suffering from a runny nose and a fever. But in the midst of his tears and little whimpers, I thought about how much I have and how thankful I am to be where I'm at in life. Here are just a few of the things I considered myself blessed with this morning.

1. My relationship with Jesus - This is something I have been blessed with for a long time, but seldom have the courage to talk about. Sure, people know I'm a Christian, but what exactly does that mean? To me, it means that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus Christ died for my sins and has redeemed me. He is my bridge to a relationship with God the Father and I'm so grateful that He guides me through life. I've lived the life without God in it. It's not worth it. Sin is fun for a while, but it definitely catches up to you. And when it does, God is still there, waiting for you to come back, to restore you. I'm grateful that I figured this out pretty early on in college. I'm not perfect, things are not always easy for me, nor do I have life all figured out. But the one thing I do know at the end of the day is that Jesus loves me, no matter what. And that when everything and everyone else fails me, He's always there - encouraging me to stay the course and to trust in Him.

2. My family - Really it doesn't get much better than this. I have the most amazing husband in the whole world. He loves me in a sexy dress and even when I've whipped out the tattered sweatpants. Nothing tells you a man loves you more than when he'll snuggle with you in ratty sweats, wearing no make up, and your hair looks like Woody the Woodpecker may have tried to create a home in it. My son is also incredible. Although parenting has not been an easy adventure, I have a pretty well-behaved, respectful, sweet, and handsome little boy. My prayer is that his little brother will be just a duplicate of those things.

3. My church - When people say they love their church, I often wondered what they meant by that. Do they love the building? The atmosphere? The programing? Just the pastor? When I say it, I mean I love the people. All those extra things are wonderful too, but it's the people that have become dear to my heart. I have made so many friends at our church. These people don't just talk it, they live it. They are there for you when things get tough and love you enough to hold you accountable when you're too blind to see mistakes you're making. They truly love people like Jesus does.

4. Our current situation - I've been a stay at home mom for about two and a half years now. It's been an interesting journey. I've loved being able to be with Gabriel and watch him grow and develop. It's crazy to think that we've been able to manage living off of just Michael's income. (Thank the good Lord for free TV online....) Although we don't have all the latest and greatest things, nicest cars, newest clothes, or the ability to go out to eat all the time, we really do love our life. God is putting a stirring in my heart to go back to work part time after the baby is born, which is exciting and frightening all at the same time. But as it stands now, I'm content with where He has us. Michael has a good job and I'm grateful I get to spend every day molding and training my son to be a good person and a man of God.

There are many more things I'm thankful for, but in the 15 minutes I spent giving Gabriel some much needed snuggling this morning, those are the four things that really stuck out to me. I may not have all the latest and greatest things, but I've got the essentials. That's all that really matters, right?

The Next Chapter

Several years ago, I decided that I wanted to be a counselor when I grew up. And for the past seven, I've been working, slowly and steadily (as I know that's what wins the race), to complete this master's level degree. About a month ago, all of that schooling, time away from my family, and hours of studying was finally put to the test. In Mid-September, I took the long journey to Dallas to take the most difficult exam in the history of the universe....okay, maybe not, but still it is tough.

After pouring over exhaustive questions for two and a half hours, the computer system requires you to take an "exit survey". The survey asks you questions about the ease of the test administration, the friendliness of the staff, blah, blah, blah. I don't even remember what I said. What I do remember is after I hit submit, the biggest knot in my stomach erupted and I thought I might hurl. This feeling, combined with being 12 weeks pregnant and still very nauseated did not sit well. I rushed up to the counter and a sweet little lady greeted me.

"Well, honey, how did it go?"

I took in a deep breath, trying to push down my breakfast, wishing she'd be a little quicker at handing over my scores.

"I'm not sure. But that was definitely the hardest exam I have ever taken in my life."

As she reached across the printer to hand me my scores, I threw up a prayer to God, knowing that whatever the outcome, He has plans for me and those plans were to be prosperous. He also told me over and over again that morning not be anxious about anything, but I was struggling with that one. The sweet woman finally locates my name in the stack of test results, hands me my scores and looks at me hopefully, waiting for my reaction. I feverishly scan the sheet, just looking for the words pass or fail. After about 30 secs, I spot it in the upper right hand corner of the paper.

PASS.

I let out a scream, and then quickly covered my mouth (as other people were still taking exams), and began jumping up and down. The sweet little lady giggled, embraced me in a hug and we jumped up and down together a couple of times. I couldn't believe it.

I was finally going to be a legitimate counselor.

That was a month ago. Now we're at the present. I still haven't actually applied for my license, as the five year time limit to complete your internship begins as soon as you receive your license. What's the hold up, you might ask? Well, back to reality. I think I mentioned that I'm pregnant, now close to 19 weeks into this journey and finally starting to feel good. I'm ready to get back to work, but Michael and I are trying to figure out what's sensible and realistic. Do I go back to work for 3-4 months, only to take maternity leave for 2 months later? What employer is going to go for that?

We've relied on God's guidance throughout our marriage, especially when big decisions were at hand. This is no exception. I'm believing that God will reveal to us His will and where He wants to take our family, having faith in His timing. What's the next step in our little, expanding family's journey? Guess we'll have to wait and see...although it sure would be nice to get a call or e-mail from Jesus with his tentative schedule for us.

Lover

So I'm going to get mushy for a minute.

I just love my husband. He really is the best. After almost 6 years of marriage, some people might start to refer to their husbands in less than appealing terms, but not me. I got the cream of the crop ladies.

Last weekend, our family had the chance to be photographed by the ever talented Shelley Foster. She caught some amazing shots of our sweet little guy, Gabriel. But on a whim, she took some photos of just Michael and I. This picture really sums it up of how much I love and adore my husband. And we're past the ooey, gooey, make you want to throw up infatuation. This is deep, folks. Our marriage has definitely had some trials, but the one thing that has remained constant through those trials has been our love for one another.

We're approaching our 6 year anniversary and I can say with confidence, I'm ready to spend 66 more years with this man, if God allows it to be.

Alright, a few paragraphs of gushing is about all I can handle for one day. I love you, babe. Enough said.

Ahhhhhh.....

Pass me some expensive cheese and a fine bottle of wine! I just finished up my last test of graduate school and I'm ready to celebrate!

It seems surreal that in just five short weeks I'm going to have a real master's degree in my hot little hands. Reflecting on this with my friend Ali, I realized how big of an accomplishment this is for me. Ali exclaimed, "Wow! You did this, and were also able to be a full time mommy and wife!" You know what? She's right! I DID! I stuck with it. And it was hard. But it was worth it. I've found a career that I absolutely love. It's extremely rewarding and allows me to incorporate God's truth into helping people heal from their hurts.

So now, before I begin "working" for real (aka getting PAID to counsel), I'm going to enjoy this reprieve and bask in the greatness of God blessing me with this moment.

2010, the Latest Frontier

2010. It's here. No stopping it. Only 2 more years until the world ends, according to the sun worshiping folk from 100's of years ago. I think someone must have put something in the Kool-Aid, because according to my calculations (and my calculations are based on fact; aka the Word of God), I don't think we're going to "know" when the world will end and when Jesus is making his second appearance. So, I'm not worrying about it.

But thinking about the passing of years and how many I may have left (I'm only one year from 30 as of yesterday, you know...) I've recently been contemplating what this year is going to hold for me. From the looks of it, it could be quiet exciting. Here's just a few things that may (or may not) get accomplished this year.

1. I graduate with my master's degree in May. PRAISE JESUS! After three long years (longer if you include my first attempt back in 2003...), I'm finally going to finish what I started with a Master of Arts in Counseling. It's been an uphill battle, but well worth it. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's standing there waiting for me, holding a big margarita to celebrate.

2. Taking my NCE (National Counselors Exam) soon after graduation to attain my temporary license so I can officially start working at an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor)!

3. Finishing up the MFT (Marriage and Family Therapy) requirements of my program by August and taking the required exam for that so I can obtain my LMFT (can you guess what that stands for?).

4. Leading a group of mommies in our 2010 Spring MOPS group. I'm so excited to minister to these gals and to be a part of such a wonderful program. Building relationships with new and veteran mommies is such a soft spot on my heart and I can't wait to see what unfolds. Plus, hello, free breakfast every two weeks???

5. Maybe, just maybe make us a family of four....we'll see if God has that in the cards.

6. Continue to watch Gabriel grow up and celebrate his SECOND birthday in May. I can't believe he's almost two. Tomorrow he'll be 20 months. That's only 4 months away from 2! He's at such a fun stage right now and I know it's fleeting, but we're enjoying it while it's here. I love that he will sit in his room for 15-20 minutes at times, just reading to himself in his own language. It melts my heart to hear that gibberish that has such meaning to him.

7. Celebrate 6 wonderful years with the love of my life...I wonder where we'll go to celebrate this year?

8. Getting involved in our church and growing as a leader.

9. Growing closer to the Lord. I've been pretty bad about putting my relationship with Him on the back burner for several months and I think it's time that my position of apathy changes. He is the only reason I am blessed to celebrate, experience and grow from the above 8 things. This year, I want to make Him the priority instead of the things in life that really don't matter.

10. Come up with more acronyms.

Just a few things that 2010 has in store for me. Here's to a new, prosperous year!

"I love being a girl"

I'm such a girl sometimes. I cry, I pout, I produce more drama in my life than I have executive rights for. I usually say way too much and have a difficult time saying no. I over-commit. And in the end, I usually feel completely overwhelmed.

But thank the good Lord above for girlfriends. Yesterday was a textbook case of the female breakdown. I called a bestie yesterday afternoon to discuss the said crisis for the week and completely melted in the car. There I was, driving down FM 407, mascara running down my face, wiping my nose on my sleeve, bawling into the phone, trying to get to my internship (a major source of my stress). I told her that I think I'm like Mrs. Incredible minus the "incredible" part. You know the part in The Incredibles where Mrs. Incredible has to save her children from the burning plane and so she has to stretch herself out like a balloon? That's me. Not the life-saving, courageous part. The stretched out to the limit part, with people clinging onto you, wanting something from you. (Dramatic, I told you.)

After sobbing to my friend for way too long, I said, "Do you know what I mean?" And she said, "Yes. I feel that way, too." Now, I'm not happy that she's neck deep this crap. I hurt for her. But, it is comforting to know that I'm not alone in the foxhole. I've got someone beside me that understands where I'm at and what I'm going through. And, after talking with her and asking for some prayer, I felt like I could be Mrs. Incredible just a little bit longer...but just until May.

Survival

We made it. Our first trip without Gabriel was a success. No, scratch that. It was FREAKIN' FANTASTIC! It's difficult for me to begin describing how incredible it is to take a trip post baby, with just your husband. I don't know how many people (if any people) read my blog, but if you do, you're a parent and you haven't taken a trip with just your hubby, stop what you're doing right now. Go online. BOOK A VACATION. This trip did wonders for my marriage. And there is nothing wrong with my marriage! I have an amazing, devoted, loving husband. But this trip re-energized us. We stayed in a phenomenal cabin (check out this website if you want to vacation in Colorado), ate great food, drank good drinks, and played, played, played! We went to Garden of the Gods, Cripple Creek, Cave of the Winds and Pikes Peak. We even got to have lunch with my cousin, Christina Von Fange Culver (awesome name, huh?) and her husband Randy. We had a blast. Here are just a few snap shots from our little adventure.

The love of my life!

Garden of the Gods. Breathtaking.
Our cozy "little" cabin.

The view behind our cabin.

Another view from behind the cabin.

The aspens outside our cabin. Beautiful!

A few visitors that stopped by our cabin.

Scary, I know.

It snowed the last night we were there!

My cousin, Christina Von Fange! Can you tell we're related?

Our our way up the Cog Railway to Pikes Peak!

The view atop Pikes Peak.

Who's having a better time? I don't think it's the sawdust stuffed ram.

Flippin' Cold. 18 degrees, -7 degree wind chill, 35 mph winds. Thought I was going to die.

Delicious hot donuts and hot chocolate at the top. Only $100 million dollars.

Alright, back to the story.

Now, I won't lie, it was hard leaving Littlest behind. I missed him every day. And every night when I would get to talk to him on the phone and all I could make out through the babbling was "Mama," I would almost cry. But then we'd say goodnight, it was done and we were back to having fun! Do you remember what it's like to go to dinner just with your husband? Stay out as late as you want? Go somewhere that doesn't require a kid friendly atmosphere? Just do whatever you want? If you're having issues remembering what this part of leisurely life is like, BOOK A VACATION.

God created marriage before He created procreation. He wants us to make sure that our marriage is in good standing so we can ensure our family is in good standing. Michael and I accepted this challenge and fulfilled it joyfully this past weekend. Have you put some time into making sure your marriage is in tip top shape? If it looks like your marriage may need a little TLC right now, take it from me: BOOK A VACATION.

Preparations

My husband reached a great milestone today. He crossed the threshold to wisdom and clarity. Ah yes, the threshold that is: Turning Thirty.


To celebrate this monumental occasion, we did what most people do: book a trip and leave the kid behind. That's right, we're going on our first trip without Gabriel. I have to admit, as the day draws near, I'm getting increasingly more anxious. Can we really leave Gabriel behind for four whole days? Will he survive without us? Will he even miss us or remember who we are when we return? (I never said my thoughts weren't ridiculous.)


My parents have been gracious enough to make the 7 hour commute to watch him while we're away and although I know he's in very capable hands, I still have worries. What if he gets a fever? What if he breaks a limb? What if he, God-forbid, gets the swine flu? Then there's the other irrational side of the coin. What if we die in a car wreck? What if we get mauled by a bear? What if a mountain lion eats me in the middle of the night? What will Gabriel do?

With these preposterous ideas floating around, we decided that God was trying to tell us to be prepared. Okay, maybe God wasn't really saying that...He was probably saying, "Trust me," but my initial interpretation (and they say you should always go with your gut instinct right?) was to be extra cautious. We'll trust Him AND be prepared. So, we created "The Will." (dun, dun, dun!) Definitely not the most fun conversation to have with your husband who is reaching a pivotal moment in his life. But a necessary one to have nonetheless. Good news is, it's done.

Now, with only 4 days left until departure, I must get in loads of hugs, kisses and snuggles with my favorite Littlest Buddy. Even though I know I'll see him again in only a few short days, I'm going to take each day to love him like it's the last time I'll see him. And then, live it up with my husband, my lover, my best friend, my everything for a well needed and well deserved vacation sans child. Here's to new "firsts".

Spinning Plates

And for my next trick, I will balance a full cup of coffee on my head while carrying a 30lb toddler in one arm, ironing my husband's shirts with the other, and testing the baby's bath water with one foot, all while studying for my three exams that will be given the next day.

That, my friends, is an understatement. My life feels like a three ring circus and I'm the final clown trying to squeeze into the car with all the other clowns whose work loads are similar to mine. Practicum started last week and school starts this week. Someone pass the Valium.

When I signed up to do three classes and a 20 hr/week internship, I thought, "No problem. It'll just be like having a full time job and being a mommy at the same time. Tons of people do it everyday. I can do it too."

Holy crap. How do you people do it? How do you manage to raise your kids, attend to your husband, keep your house clean, keep the dog fed, dishes and laundry done and work everyday without developing a drug or alcohol problem? I feel like I should sign up for an AA meeting now, even though I haven't started drinking.

Last night after I got home from the Advocacy Center, I laid in bed next to my husband, desperate to go to sleep. But all I could do was look at him and think, "Did I make the right choice? Is all this work, all this sacrifice, my family is enduring for me, worth it?" With tears streaming down my face at the thought, my husband took his hand, wiped away my tears, and said, "I love you." In that moment, I knew he was saying that he's in this with me. It's going suck, sure. I know there will be plenty of long nights and definitely more tears. But we're going to go through it together and when I'm finished in May, I'll be able to stand there in my cap and gown and say, "I'm no longer one of the clowns in a tiny car. I've graduated. I'm now the ringleader."

We have arrived

It's time to unbuckle our seat belts, step out of the car into the baking hot sun and take a look around. We've done it, kids. We're here.

Our family has been going through some "stretching" as of late. Much of it has been needed, but I won't lie to you. It's been a hard thing to go through. Often times, things don't go as planned. Some things don't work out. But one thing I know for sure. After going through this forced stretching, you will come out a stronger person and better off.

This week our lives start anew. We're going to be experiencing some firsts. And we're excited about it.

Alright, enough with the vague reflections. For those that know what's going on: we're doing great, things are looking up, and we're ready to move forward.

Take a right at the fork in the road

Thus begins a new journey for my family. We're getting ready to go into uncharted waters and I'm nervous. Do we have enough food? Did I remember to pack an extra pair of underwear? Did someone remember to let the dog out? I have a feeling we may be stopping at some gas stations along the way to ask for directions, even though my husband cringes at the very thought of it. We knew this trip was coming, but it snuck up on us. Hopefully we've got enough gas in the tank to make it where we're going...even though we're not really sure where that is yet (hence asking Joe Bob at the 7-11 for directions). If anyone has any ideas on where our final destination should be, we're open to suggestions.

Don't you love it when people talk in metaphor?

I hate ironing...or do I?

Recently I got into a little tiff with my husband about ironing. Growing up, Michael's mom always ironed shirts for his dad. It was never a power struggle or bone of contention. It was just expected that she would iron the shirts. So, when Michael and I got married, I think he thought that I would end up doing the same thing. And why wouldn't he? That's what he had grown up thinking wives did.

But here's the dilemma...I don't do ironing. I don't even iron my own clothes. In my family, the ironing board was only brought out for special occasions like ironing the Easter or Christmas dress or possibly pressing a pair of slacks for church. But ironing shirts? On a regular basis? Who do I look like, June Cleaver?

As I was saying, a few months ago we got into an argument about Michael desiring that I iron his shirts. He rebutted my firm NO, I WON'T DO IT with the idea that it would really help him out in the mornings and that he would really appreciate it. But I didn't care. I was wrapped up in the idea that if I conceded to pressing his wrinkly shirts that I would be pigeonholed as a little housewife. I started to fear that he thought I needed to iron shirts because what else did I have to do all day now that I was staying at home with the baby? I didn’t want to be labeled…next thing you’d know, I’d be wearing “mom jeans.” I stood my ground, telling him that I was NOT his mother (not such a wise thing to tell your husband, ladies) and that he could iron his own dang shirts.

Now let's fast-forward 4 months. I was sorting laundry (something I absolutely loath doing) and began putting all of those wrinkly shirts on hangers, ready to shove them into the mess of a closet that we have in our bedroom. As I'm scrounging around for more plastic hangers (don't worry Joan Crawford, his shirts don't go on wire hangers), I realized how selfish I was being. I hadn't stopped to think that by ironing Michael's shirts for him I could not only save him time in the mornings, but I could also show him that I loved him. It was something simple that I could do to show him that I didn’t want to make his life harder but easier, and that I wanted to *gulp* serve him. Proverbs 31 talks about the Wife of Nobel Character. This is a woman that I’ve always wanted to be like, striving to match what she does to take care of her family. If this was my model, how was my egotistic attitude reaching this goal? Proverbs 31: 11-12 says this:

“Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

Was that what I was doing? When I stopped and meditated on this verse, I found that I needed to change my tune. So I stopped fussing about not having enough plastic hangers, went and got out the ironing board, and started pressing away. And you know what? It wasn’t that bad! I even got to watch an episode of the Biggest Loser. Definitely a win-win!

I’m still not the perfect wife by any stretch of the imagination, but little by little, I’m becoming a better wife. And at least now my husband will look a little cleaner cut when he goes to work.

I think I'll keep him

After being with someone for almost 10 years, it's easy to get caught up in the routine of your life. You wake up together, eat breakfast, kiss each other goodbye, go about your day, greet him with a kiss when he gets home, have dinner, put the baby to bed, watch a show, go to bed, and the routine starts all over again. The pattern is not one you stray away too far from because it's comfortable, it's what you know. But occasionally, you or he, may decide to stir things up a bit. That's what happened to me yesterday.

We were busy getting ready to head out to McKinney to see Michael's brother, sister-in-law and kids, throwing ourselves together, trying to keep Gabriel content before we headed out the door. I had just gotten out of the shower, hair still up in a towel, and Michael says to me, "You need to pack an overnight bag." Huh? After razzing him about his secretive plot and learning nothing of his plans, I obliged and threw something together in a bag. Michael casually threw in that I needed to pack something nice to wear for that evening. So after having to make a quick decision on something a little more upscale, I threw my bag into the car and buckled the baby in, hoping I remembered contact solution and my underwear.

After a fun afternoon with the Paul, Rachel and the kids, Michael instructed me to change and Rachel took my sad little baby away for his afternoon nap, instructing me to give him kisses since I wouldn't see him until morning. Again, huh? I did as I was told, and then away we went. Michael surprised me by taking me to the Dallas Arboretum, a magical place of flowers, colors, and scents. We strolled around admiring the tulips, roses, snapdragons, and various other plants that I can't name and it dawned on me. My husband is "dating" me right now! We held hands, not straying far from one another, stole an occasional kiss or two and enjoyed just being together, alone.

Next up was a crazy tour of Downtown Dallas (we had a couple of hours to kill before dinner) and we both decided that navigating Dallas was not something we wanted to have for a day job. We found a cute little place called the Idle Rich Pub and enjoyed a tasty treat while having adult conversation that didn't consist of diapers, what Gabriel had for dinner or how many naps he took. We talked about our future, and our goals and what we wanted to focus our lives on. It was a deep connection neither of us had felt in a long time, especially since adding our son into our family.

After killing sometime in Dallas, I asked where this secret was going to lead us to...in other words, what's for dinner? Mum was the word and after finding our car, we skipped across the street (not literally, Michael doesn't skip), and we had dinner at an amazing restaurant called Sambuca. Then the feast began. We started off with delicious bruschetta tapenades, then moved onto a nicely prepared Ribeye complimented by candied sweet potatoes, prochuttio macaroni and cheese, broccoli crunch, and dill infused tater tots. OH MY WORD! I have never eaten so well in my life! Then to bring the meal to a close, we enjoyed a delicious creme brulee. I almost had to be wheeled out the door.

The night ended on such a high note. We enjoyed our dinner without feeling we had to shovel our food in, hoping to get our money's worth before Gabriel melted down. I got to focus all of my attention on the love of my life, not having to share it with anyone else. It was a perfect evening, with a perfect guy.

All this to say, we realized that we needed to do this more often. Dating your spouse and pushing out the distractions to focus on each other is important. Our next date might not include a Ribeye and live entertainment, but it sure as heck will include childcare. Thanks for a great night, love. It was wonderful.

Doin' it for Love...

If there’s one thing I know, it’s that I’m 100% mom. Always have been. I was the one taking in a friend under my wing throughout school. I’m always looking for ways to help out my friends. Be it listening to them lament about their marriages or kid, or be the encourager who says, “No you don’t look fat in that. In fact, I think you’ve lost some weight since the last time I saw you." I think God designed me to care for and nurture others. But sometimes when you’re trying to care for and nurture your husband and your own child, it’s hard to do in love 100% of the time.

I’ve been studying the book of 1 Corinthians and Paul specifically addresses that we should do all things in love. The greatest commandment is to love. But how difficult is it to do things in love ALL the time? Cooking dinner while trying to feed/entertain an 8 month old, changing yet another dirty diaper because the child couldn’t have done both businesses in the diaper you changed 10 minutes prior, cleaning a house that more often than not resembles PeeWee’s Playhouse minus Lawrence Fishburn…All these things are hard to complete in love when you feel like you have a hundred other things you should be doing, scratch that, want to be doing instead. Do you hear what I’m saying? Do you struggle with this too?

Just because I struggle with this doesn’t change the fact that God commands me to fulfill my role as a wife and mother; doing both with the utmost amount of love. I strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I know that’s the type of woman God, my husband, and my child want me to be. The key to being this kind of woman, wife, and mother is to do all things in love, which is an uphill battle; one I’m sure to win. But the only way to win the battle is by pulling out the only ammunition that never fails: love.