A New Normal

Right after Dominic was born, I fell into a panic. My life seemed out of control. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage having two little ones. I'd forgotten how demanding a nursing infant could be and throwing in an attention seeking 3 year old was a variable I hadn't fully accounted for. In the hospital, I had my first "What the heck am I doing? Can I do this? How will I love both my children equally?" moment. My friends Sabrina, Kristen, and Shannon got to see this first hand. I began to sob. This was going to be hard and I didn't know how I was going to do it. When were things going to go back to normal? Then my friends gave me some perspective.

"You'll create a new normal."

At the time, I wasn't sure what this meant. Through the blur of my tears, I knew my friends were trying to be supportive and I appreciated them letting me be transparent about how inadequate I felt as a mom. Now, I'm 9 weeks into being a mother of two, and sure enough, I've created a new normal. Initially, it wasn't going so well. But after getting some help from my doctor and evening myself out, I was able to see a little clearer and grasp what being a mother of two was about. It's tough, no doubt about it. But I'm finding that it's very fulfilling. Right before my eyes, my "baby" has turned into a 3 year old, independent, more self-reliant individual. He's actually been a big help. He assists with diaper changes, and helping me carry things when I've got my hands full of his screaming brother. I've also gotten to witness the newly formed bond that Gabriel now has with Dominic. I was so nervous about how Gabriel would take to having to share our attention with this new little person. He's amazed me. He loves his brother so much and wants nothing more than to play with him, talk to him, make him smile, and give him hugs and kisses. The tenderness in his heart overwhelms me and I'm thankful that their brotherly relationship has started off well.


Getting anywhere on time with two children is a skill I have yet to master (and from what I hear from other parents, I may never master it). But I suppose that's part of my new normal as well. We're finally getting into a routine and I even got 5 full hours of sleep last night. (Granted, I did get up after 3 to check on him, just to make sure he was still breathing!) I'm settling into my new role as a mother of "sons," and I'm liking it. Dominic has added so much to our family and we're so happy he's apart of the plan that God has laid out for Michael and I. I'm sure there will still be several adjustments to our life along the way, but I think I'm finally at a point where I can navigate them with a little more grace.

The Heart Expands

When I thought about my second son arriving into this great big world of ours, I knew I would love him. But I worried that I wouldn't be able to love him as much as my first son. Gabriel had been our world for the last 3 years. How would it even be possible to love another little being as much as we loved Gabriel? Well, on March 16th, both my husband and I found out that God has the amazing ability to double the size of your heart in a matter of moments.

Tuesday, March 15th started out like any other day. My parents were in town, anticipating the arrival of their second grandchild, and I was thankful to have them to help me with my rambunctious little two year old. That morning I woke up with slight cramping, but didn't think too much about it. I had a doctor's appointment set for 3:00 that afternoon and after visiting with her, we'd find out if this little guy was going to be making an appearance any time soon. After my lovely examination, I found out that I was still only dilated to a measly 1.

Now, Michael and I had been moving forward with plans to have me attempt a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean), but at this rate, Dominic was getting very, very big. We couldn't wait much longer and my chances of having a successful VBAC were fading away. So, we decided that we would go ahead and plan to have another C-Section for March 17th. We chose the 17th because we thought it would be fun to have a St. Patty's Day Baby.

But Dominic had other plans.

That evening, Michael and I decided to have one last "Family of Three" date. We took Gabriel out to eat at our favorite Mexican Restaurant and then ventured out to Target to find a St. Patrick's Day onesie. As I was waddling around (yes, I really did waddle), Target, I noticed I was starting to cramp a lot. Little did I know that a couple hours later, I would start to have contractions. By 9:00pm, my contractions were about 7 minutes apart and by midnight they were sitting at 5 minutes apart.

Michael quickly called my parents to come over from their hotel to stay with Gabriel and he whisked me off to the hospital. I have to say, it was touching and funny to see my husband getting nervous and excited about the arrival of our baby. I was really going into labor on my own, something I didn't get to experience with Gabriel. By 12:30, we were checked into the hospital and the nurses began monitoring my contractions. I had bumped up to a 2, and the contractions were coming on stronger. After deciding that I was not going home and that I was indeed having the baby within the next 24 hours, things began to happen rather quickly. I received my epidural around 4:00am and was soon out of the pain of natural childbirth. Around 10am, I suddenly felt a POP! and I got to experience my water breaking. I know that might seem a bit much to share, but you have to understand, these were all firsts for me. I didn't to go through any of this with my first child. The doctor came into check me and I had made it all the way up to a 7! That was 3 higher than I made it to with Gabriel!

My doctor was wanting to monitor my contractions a little closer and decided to put a pressure monitor in, but as she was doing so, things went wrong. My blood pressure suddenly dropped, which was the strangest feeling in the world. I thought I was going to pass out. Immediately after my blood pressure took a nose dive, Dominic's heart rate dropped. I saw concern wash over my doctor's face and she looked at me and said, "Kristina, we have to get him out now." At that moment, I didn't care what they had to do or what goals I had set. I wanted my baby safe.

"GET HIM OUT!" I cried.

Soon 10 people were in my hospital room, rushing me to the OR. Someone threw the "Daddy Suit" at Michael and told him to get dressed. They quickly took me to the OR and started prepping for surgery. I've never seen people move so fast. I was completely overwhelmed and started crying. Was my baby going to be okay? Could they get him out in time? I had been told that attempting a VBAC was risky and I prayed that God would wrap his arms of protection around Dominic and I. Through my tears, I saw my doctor come over to me and although she was concerned, she was ready and confident that everything would be okay. She took my hand and squeezed it, telling me that Dominic was okay and that they were going to get him out as soon as possible.

Now, from where I was lying, it seemed as though it was taking FOREVER for them to get him out. But Michael told me that from the time they took me into surgery to the time Dominic arrived, it was a only a matter of about 7 minutes. It amazes me how fast and precise those doctors and nurses can be.

Michael was right by my side the whole time. I continued to cry, pleading with him to reassure me everything was okay. Not too long after that, I heard the beautiful wail of a newborn! My baby was here! And he was perfect! Michael joined in with me in tears of celebration and relief that we were now a family of 4! Immediately, I felt God expand my heart. I loved him unconditionally the second he arrived.

Dominic Isaiah was born at 12:48pm on March 16th. He was 9 lbs, 8 oz and 22.25" long. No wonder he wouldn't fit!! When he emerged, my doctor's first sentence to him was, "Well, Happy 3 Month Birthday to you, little guy!"

My doctor also told me that his cord had wrapped around his neck a couple of times and that the pressure of my contractions was difficult on him, hence the drop in heart rate. Thankfully, all was well and Dominic was in perfect condition.


As I sat in our recovery room together with my family, I was in awe at how good God was to us. We now had a beautiful, perfect, little family of four and I was forever grateful. Now begins the journey of raising my rambunctious toddler and an itty-bitty newborn. I love them both more than I ever could have imagined and I can't wait to see how much more I'll love them as time goes on.

D-Day - as in Due Day!

This baby has been the most stubborn little boy ever. Tomorrow officially marks our due date and we still have yet to see him arrive. I guess he's nice and comfy inside my belly. Both Michael and I are ready to meet him and are anxiously awaiting his arrival.

We decided early on that I was going to try to have a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) with Dominic if God should so allow, but the longer time goes on and the bigger Dominic gets, the chances of that happening is slipping away. As of last Tuesday, I was barely dilated to a 1. After much prayer and consideration, we decided that if he hasn't come by tomorrow, we're going to schedule a C-section for Thursday. He may still decide to come earlier, but we then have a definite date, and the chances of him getting bigger in utero lessens. He's already projected to be about 8.5 to 9 lbs now! So, right now, we wait. He's still moving around a lot and blessing me with contractions. :)

I also wanted to share a couple of pictures that my friend Shelley Foster took of me. She's an amazing photographer and surprised me with this little maternity shoot as a baby gift for Dominic. I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful friend and very talented photographer. Enjoy!

Snowed In

Back in 2003, as I was waving goodbye to the Kansas and Oklahoma borders and saying a big hello to the state of Texas, I never thought I would miss my good ol' home state. This week, reminded me of the fondness I have for dear old Kansas.

On Tuesday, Texas experienced a true "Arctic Blast" (a phrase used a least once a year here to describe a few snowflakes falling). This year was different than years past, as Texas got more than it bargained for. Starting early Tuesday morning freezing rain and then sleet, along with frigid temps began beating on homes, businesses, and streets across the state and before you knew it, the great DFW metroplex was shut down. And I mean literally shut down. People didn't, and really couldn't leave their homes. By the end of Tuesday, at least in our neighborhood, we had about one and a half inches of ice everywhere.

Now it is a known fact that Texans have absolutely no clue what to do with true winter weather. This Kansas girl often laughs and becomes cynical of people whining about the annual snow apocalypse. But I have to say, this time around, it was really bad. So bad, schools around the metroplex were canceled for four days! My husband even stayed home those four days because there was no way he could drive the car on the streets, even with our four wheel drive. Apparently DFW has not seen the value in investing in salt trucks...

But today, day four of being stuck and frozen, beauty was brought in. Snow started falling early this morning and by 7 am the ground was blanketed in white. Cars were still not moving on the streets, but the temps had risen to a balmy 18 degrees. As I let our dachshund outside, I smiled, seeing the little birds hoping from branch to branch behind our house, tweeting a sweet song to welcome the day. My heart swelled and I thought of Kansas. This kind of weather is a pretty common occurrence in the Heartland, but I don't think I appreciated the beauty of it until I moved to Texas and had been so far away from it.



Now I won't lie, it's been a challenge to keep my two year old cooped up inside this house the past week. I thought I was about to go crazy if I couldn't get him outside and burn off some energy. But God smiled and blessed us with warmer temperatures, some sunshine and a lot of fun snow to roll around in....and by us, I mean my two year old and his 8 month pregnant mommy. That's right, 34 weeks pregnant and I made a snow angel right along with my son. Here's to you, Kansas. I miss you and your four seasons.

4 to 6 weeks

It's officially happening. God is starting to prepare me for the arrival of a second child. The nights of full sleep, or even just waking up once to pee are officially over. It's now up to pee 3-4 times and rolling over every 45 minutes or so each night. My days of sleep and feeling rested are over, at least for a year.

And surprisingly, I'm okay with that.

33 weeks pregnant and measuring at 35. EEK!

Dominic's going to be officially joining our family in just a month or so and I'm starting to get a little nervous. People are constantly asking me, "Are you excited?" Well, yes. I'm excited to meet this new child that God has blessed us with and allowed me to be a mother of. But am I excited about losing time with my first child, losing sleep and possibly losing my mind from being busy and overwhelmed? Um, no. I'm a wee bit frightened.

But I have to say, I think I'm going into the arrival of this baby with much more mental preparation than I did with Gabriel. Here are just a few things I've learned from Baby 1 to Baby 2.

1. The first 3-4 weeks will totally suck. There is no getting around it. There will be no sleep. I will be completely exhausted. But it will eventually end and I will get into a rhythm.

2. I will absolutely take all the help I can get from family and friends. I am not super mom and God has put these people in my life for a reason. Sometimes that reason will be to take Gabriel on a play date or hold Dominic while I take a shower. I am not above asking for help.

3. The laundry and the dishes will pile up. Eventually I will get to them, but I am not going to stress out if my house is not vaccuumed and everything is not in it's proper place.

4. My husband is my biggest ally. We will work as a team to transition our family from 3 to 4.

And the biggest thing I learned from Baby 1 to Baby 2 -

5. If I start to get sad or depressed, it's okay. But I will immediately let my doctor know and take action to get out of my slump as quickly as possible. I will not isolate myself from others and will try to get out into the world as quickly as I can.

I realize that with Baby 2, new insights will be realized and if/when we have Baby 3, I'll have even more things to add to that list. Right now, Baby D is measuring about 2 weeks early, so the arrival of our newest little guy could be here in just a month. Hopefully the transition to having a new child and Gabriel's transition to having a new brother will go smoother than I could ever imagine. Here's to God stretching me.

On another note related to preparing for Dominic's arrival, we've been working hard on getting his room ready. Michael and I cleaned out our guest bedroom, strategically hiding more junk in the garage and attic. Michael's been amazing, painting Dominic's room and being his perfectionist designer self, adding little touches that will make his room unique. I've been sewing like crazy and putting together Dominic's bedding set. I decided to make his bedding this time around and am happy to say that it's turning out fantastic! So far, I have the crib skirt and one crib sheet done. I'm about halfway done with his blanket, but it's coming along great too. I've included a couple of snap shots of his room and bedding in progress. It's not finished yet, but it's really coming together nicely and should be finished in the next couple of weeks. Our little guy is going to be stylin'!

I also celebrated turning the big 3-0 with an amazing 80's themed birthday party that Michael hosted for me. It was so much fun! Seeing an 8 month pregnant girl dressed in flash dance attire is a sight to see, by the way. I didn't even think it was possible to get my bangs that high anymore. My friends were great, dressing up and really getting into the theme of the evening.


I know the next several weeks are going to fly by and before we know it, we'll be a family of four. Right now, I'm just so thankful to be surrounded by good friends and family that are willing to come on the ride with us!

The Final Countdown

Today marks my 31st week of being pregnant with our second child. I'm astonished that 31 weeks have already gone by and that in just about 8-9 more weeks, we'll meet our newest little family member.

Over Christmas, Michael and I came to the realization that subsequent children tend to get the shaft. I realize that a lot of this is accounted for by the fact that we're chasing after a two and a half year old all day, every day. But I don't want this baby to look back on the days before he was born and think, "Gee, Mom and Dad, thanks. I feel robbed." I haven't been as diligent about taking pregnancy photos to document my growing belly. My pregnancy journal is not nearly as detailed as I'd like it to be. We have yet to paint his nursery (although we're working on it this weekend), or buy him a crib or even a car seat for that matter.

But does that mean we love him any less? Absolutely not. We can not wait to meet this new little addition to our family and for Gabriel to experience what it's like to have a little brother. I'm sure after his arrival, we'll be very busy spoiling him with hugs, kisses and all the things we did to let Gabriel know we were so happy to have him in our lives. In the meantime, we need to get the ball rolling and prepare for his arrival a little more efficiently. I tried getting more efficient by taking a picture of my growing belly over Christmas!

Big baby at 29 weeks - already measuring 2 weeks early!

This pregnancy has been 180 degrees different than my pregnancy with Gabriel. First of all, I was extremely sick the first 15 weeks of my pregnancy - leading me to believe that he was going to be a she. Second, I haven't gained very much weight (praise God!). Third, I've been much more laid back (after my initial 16 weeks) about the safety and well being of this baby boy. Early on in my pregnancy I was very worried that something was going to happen to cause me to lose the pregnancy. I had several friend who were due around the same day I was that were losing their pregnancies and I was sure that I was going to be next. We experienced a miscarriage before we had Gabriel and it shook our world up for sure. But towards the 15-16th week of my ridiculous worrying and crying spells, Michael turned to me one night and said,

"Do you trust God, Kristina?"

I looked at him through my blurry eyes, tears still streaming down my face and was about to retort, "Well yes, of course I do."

But I stopped and thought about it. Did I trust Him? I knew I trusted Him with my marriage, with our finances, with our job situations, with our friends - with a whole lot of things. But did I trust Him with this pregnancy?

"No. I guess I don't. I want to. But I don't know how."

It took a lot of praying and encouraging from some solid Christian women as well as my amazing husband to teach me how to trust God with all things, including this new little life inside me. And the incredible part of my learning this was, once I put my trust in Him, my worries of another miscarriage went away. It didn't mean that I didn't understand that it was a possibility. But it meant that I could trust Him to take care of me - good or bad - and that in the end, His love for me would never fail.

Thankfully, this pregnancy has been very smooth and for the most part, very enjoyable. As the weeks go by, I get more excited about finally being able to meet my new son. It's going to be a change for sure, going from a family of three to a family of four. But it's something I wouldn't trade in for anything.

We can't wait to meet you, Dominic.

The Year was 1981....

Today is the day. I'm officially in a new age bracket. Today is the day I turned 30. And on such days, it's fun to look back at what was going on the year you were born. Back in 1981:

1. The first DeLorean sports cars roll off the assembly line.

2. Prince Charles and Diana Spencer marry July 29.

3. Music Television was born

4. Tom Cruise makes his acting debut.

5. Sandra Day O'Connor becomes first female Supreme Court Justice.

6. A stamp only cost $.15!

7. The 1st space shuttle called the Columbia launches for the first time.

8. Olivia Newton John's song, "Let's Get Physicial" is a number one hit.

9. The US Agriculture Department tries making ketchup a school lunch vegetable

10. Atari releases home version of Pac-Man in the US and sparks a huge craze

It seems to me that most people "my age" don't really freak out too much about turning 30, and I didn't think I would either. But to be honest, it's a little unnerving to say that I'm no longer in my 20's. Not that I feel like I'm old and playing my last round, but there's something different, something, "maturing", about turning 30. Here are just a few things I've realized about myself now that I'm thirty and officially an adult.

1. Coloring my hair is no longer just for fun. It really is a necessity to hide all those grays.

2. Staying up past midnight is absolutely crazy and if I chose to be so nuts, it will take me at least 24 to 48 hours to recover from loss of sleep.

3. My body does not bounce back the way it once did.

4. I now relish a cup of coffee.

5. Naps are a gift from God.

6. The experience of being a wife and a mother far out-way the fun I had as a 20 something girl, playing the field.

7. Staying at home on a Friday night, curled up on the couch with my husband is my idea of a fabulous date.

8. Friendships are not disposable and it's important to put forth the effort to keep them active, alive and healthy.

9. Staying true to my convictions as a Christ follower are of greater importance than trying to fit in with the main stream society.

10. God willing, I've only lived a third of my life!

Those are just ten of many things I've realized and I'm sure the next 30 years will bring about more epiphanies. I know in just the upcoming year I have a lot to look forward to! Here's to you 30. May you be the beginning of a great era in my life.

Reflecting

As I was rocking my sniffling little boy this morning, I was reflecting on how blessed I was. It seems odd to have this thought pop in your head when you're awakened at 5:45am to the sound of crying and your little one suffering from a runny nose and a fever. But in the midst of his tears and little whimpers, I thought about how much I have and how thankful I am to be where I'm at in life. Here are just a few of the things I considered myself blessed with this morning.

1. My relationship with Jesus - This is something I have been blessed with for a long time, but seldom have the courage to talk about. Sure, people know I'm a Christian, but what exactly does that mean? To me, it means that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus Christ died for my sins and has redeemed me. He is my bridge to a relationship with God the Father and I'm so grateful that He guides me through life. I've lived the life without God in it. It's not worth it. Sin is fun for a while, but it definitely catches up to you. And when it does, God is still there, waiting for you to come back, to restore you. I'm grateful that I figured this out pretty early on in college. I'm not perfect, things are not always easy for me, nor do I have life all figured out. But the one thing I do know at the end of the day is that Jesus loves me, no matter what. And that when everything and everyone else fails me, He's always there - encouraging me to stay the course and to trust in Him.

2. My family - Really it doesn't get much better than this. I have the most amazing husband in the whole world. He loves me in a sexy dress and even when I've whipped out the tattered sweatpants. Nothing tells you a man loves you more than when he'll snuggle with you in ratty sweats, wearing no make up, and your hair looks like Woody the Woodpecker may have tried to create a home in it. My son is also incredible. Although parenting has not been an easy adventure, I have a pretty well-behaved, respectful, sweet, and handsome little boy. My prayer is that his little brother will be just a duplicate of those things.

3. My church - When people say they love their church, I often wondered what they meant by that. Do they love the building? The atmosphere? The programing? Just the pastor? When I say it, I mean I love the people. All those extra things are wonderful too, but it's the people that have become dear to my heart. I have made so many friends at our church. These people don't just talk it, they live it. They are there for you when things get tough and love you enough to hold you accountable when you're too blind to see mistakes you're making. They truly love people like Jesus does.

4. Our current situation - I've been a stay at home mom for about two and a half years now. It's been an interesting journey. I've loved being able to be with Gabriel and watch him grow and develop. It's crazy to think that we've been able to manage living off of just Michael's income. (Thank the good Lord for free TV online....) Although we don't have all the latest and greatest things, nicest cars, newest clothes, or the ability to go out to eat all the time, we really do love our life. God is putting a stirring in my heart to go back to work part time after the baby is born, which is exciting and frightening all at the same time. But as it stands now, I'm content with where He has us. Michael has a good job and I'm grateful I get to spend every day molding and training my son to be a good person and a man of God.

There are many more things I'm thankful for, but in the 15 minutes I spent giving Gabriel some much needed snuggling this morning, those are the four things that really stuck out to me. I may not have all the latest and greatest things, but I've got the essentials. That's all that really matters, right?

Cloth Diapering Adventure

In about 19 weeks, we're going to have a newborn again. Another adorable, chubby, sweet little boy! Just last Wednesday, I found out that Baby @#2 was going to be a boy. Which was surprising for both Michael and I, considering we were totally convinced this baby was going to be a girl. But it makes no difference to us. We can't wait to have a little guy with chubby legs, cute baby coos, soft baby skin....

However, we're not looking forward to little to no sleep, maybe getting in 2-3 showers a week, and loads of diapers.

When we had Gabriel, I always thought it would be "fun" to try cloth diapering. But I didn't think it was realistic for our family. Who has time to do laundry once a day or every other day, and ewww! Wouldn't it be gross? And what do you do when you're on the go? Aren't they super expensive?

Fast forward two and a half years with one child being in diapers. I think Huggies, Pampers, Costco, and now Target have made a small fortune on the amount of money I've spent on disposable diapers. Earlier this week, I had to go buy yet another package of diapers for Gabriel (as potty training is not going so well), and had a small heart attack when I realized how much per diaper I was spending lately. $.39 a diaper!!! Because I've got a football player in the making, my son has to wear a size 6, which is the biggest diaper they make. Which also means that I have to buy packages that contain the least amount of diapers for the same amount of money. After handing over my $15 to Target for my small box of "generic" diapers, I took a deep breath and affirmed myself that with this new baby we would be doing things differently.

My friend Lauren, who's also expecting, threw a cloth diaper party a couple of months ago and I was able to see all the different kinds of cloth diapering systems. Needless to say I was overwhelmed. But that wasn't going to turn me back to using disposables. So for the past few months, I've been researching all different kinds of diapering systems. Unfortunately, I still haven't made a decision on what we want to try. The initial investment for cloth diapering can really add up, spending close to $200-300 up front. But when you compare that to the amount of money spent on diapering a baby for two years with disposables, it's just a drop in the bucket. And, the benefits of cloth diapering as opposed to disposables are awesome too! Less diaper rash, no torn tabs, no more killing the environment. All I need to do now is make a decision on what few diapers I want to try before we take a huge plunge into a system. Here are a couple of the brands we're looking at pretty seriously. Any thoughts, suggestions, or experiences that you think would help us make an informed decision are welcome!

Soft Bums

Fuzzi Bunz

Thirsties

Tomorrow's D-Day

Well, it's finally here. In less than 24 hours, I'll be taking the National Counselors Exam, FINALLY! I have to give mad props to Dr. Rosenthal. His book, The Encyclopedia of Counseling and his CD set really helped me prep for this test. I think I finally know what a measure of central tendency is, as well as a T-Score! I also have a grasp on Career Counseling Theories. Acing the test may be out of the question, but passing it is definitely possible now. In the next 10 hours or so, I'll be cramming in all the last minute info I can. Hopefully all those memory devices will pay off! I'm also hoping I can get through the test without throwing up...not only due to nerves, but due to my crazy amount of morning sickness.

Oh yeah.

I forgot to tell you.

I'm pregnant again. :)

It's a S-L-O-W Process

Well, it's the middle of August and guess what? I have yet to take the NCE (National Counselors Exam). Sometimes processes tend to be much more complicated and time consuming than they need to be. I found out after waiting a month and a half that the fee for taking the exam went up $40!! Who raises an exam fee by $40?!? And why does an exam really need to cost $200? On top of all the other money I've got to spend to obtain a license. Shesh.

But complaining aside, I "should" be set to take that sucker come the third week in September. I'm so excited to finally be done listening to Dr. Howard Rosenthal and be OFFICIAL. I'm still searching out an internship, which also seems to be dragging out. It's been difficult to find a site that is relatively close to home. Proximity is important because Gabriel is starting Mother's Day Out in the fall and it's only for 5 hours, 3 days a week. We're excited that he's going to have the opportunity to make some new friends and that I'm going to be able to start having big kid interactions and a regular basis. I'm trusting that God is going to lead me right where He wants me to be.

7 days and counting

One week.

That's it. One week until my hot little hands are holding my master's degree! Last Thursday I was overwhelmed with relief as I finished up my last class. Then on Monday, God gave me even more relief as I e-mailed off my last paper. Technically, I am finished with graduate school at DBU. It's done and it feels amazing! All that I have left to do is walk across the stage on the 13th.

People keep asking me, "So, what are you going to do next?" As much as I'd like to say, "I'm going to Disney World!" or "I have my future path all mapped out!", the truth is I really don't have a clue. The only thing I am counting on is taking (and hopefully passing) my NCE (National Counseling Exam) in July. Then who knows? I'm not in a huge hurry to grow up. I do plan to take the entire summer off and have fun with Gabriel. My hope is that I'll be able to make up for some lost time from the months of school and evenings I've been away for the past 2 years. I also plan on reading FOR FUN, going on a few small trips, and sewing. But after that, it's really up to God.

I'm not short of goals though. My big goal is to find a good, solid, Christian counseling center that I can start my internship with. But I'm not in too big of a rush. I know that if I'm focused on being in God's will, he'll put me right where He wants me. Until then, I'm going to sit back, relax, and enjoy this long awaited accomplishment!

Gratitude

Two of our dearest friends, Chris and Ali, recently had a four year long prayer answered. This past Friday, they got to bring home their new baby girl, Olivia Nicole. This moment was joyous for a variety of reasons, but for me, the biggest joy was finally getting to see one of my best friends finally get to be a mom.

I know that I take it for granted that I'm a mother some days. Those days when Gabriel tests my limits and my patience is not present. But on Sunday, when we met Ms. Olivia, I was overwhelmed with the goodness of God. Not only did God bless this family with the adoption of sweet Olivia, but God blessed Olivia with a wonderful set of parents. It reminded me that God chose Michael and I to be Gabriel's parents; what an awesome privilege! I'm so excited for my friends to be able to experience all the wonderful firsts of parenthood. I'm excited for this little girl to have the opportunity to grow up with parents that love God with all their hearts. And most of all, I'm excited that she has parents that will introduce her to God's beautiful and precious gift of salvation.

Congratulations Chris and Ali! She's beautiful!

2010, the Latest Frontier

2010. It's here. No stopping it. Only 2 more years until the world ends, according to the sun worshiping folk from 100's of years ago. I think someone must have put something in the Kool-Aid, because according to my calculations (and my calculations are based on fact; aka the Word of God), I don't think we're going to "know" when the world will end and when Jesus is making his second appearance. So, I'm not worrying about it.

But thinking about the passing of years and how many I may have left (I'm only one year from 30 as of yesterday, you know...) I've recently been contemplating what this year is going to hold for me. From the looks of it, it could be quiet exciting. Here's just a few things that may (or may not) get accomplished this year.

1. I graduate with my master's degree in May. PRAISE JESUS! After three long years (longer if you include my first attempt back in 2003...), I'm finally going to finish what I started with a Master of Arts in Counseling. It's been an uphill battle, but well worth it. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's standing there waiting for me, holding a big margarita to celebrate.

2. Taking my NCE (National Counselors Exam) soon after graduation to attain my temporary license so I can officially start working at an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor)!

3. Finishing up the MFT (Marriage and Family Therapy) requirements of my program by August and taking the required exam for that so I can obtain my LMFT (can you guess what that stands for?).

4. Leading a group of mommies in our 2010 Spring MOPS group. I'm so excited to minister to these gals and to be a part of such a wonderful program. Building relationships with new and veteran mommies is such a soft spot on my heart and I can't wait to see what unfolds. Plus, hello, free breakfast every two weeks???

5. Maybe, just maybe make us a family of four....we'll see if God has that in the cards.

6. Continue to watch Gabriel grow up and celebrate his SECOND birthday in May. I can't believe he's almost two. Tomorrow he'll be 20 months. That's only 4 months away from 2! He's at such a fun stage right now and I know it's fleeting, but we're enjoying it while it's here. I love that he will sit in his room for 15-20 minutes at times, just reading to himself in his own language. It melts my heart to hear that gibberish that has such meaning to him.

7. Celebrate 6 wonderful years with the love of my life...I wonder where we'll go to celebrate this year?

8. Getting involved in our church and growing as a leader.

9. Growing closer to the Lord. I've been pretty bad about putting my relationship with Him on the back burner for several months and I think it's time that my position of apathy changes. He is the only reason I am blessed to celebrate, experience and grow from the above 8 things. This year, I want to make Him the priority instead of the things in life that really don't matter.

10. Come up with more acronyms.

Just a few things that 2010 has in store for me. Here's to a new, prosperous year!

Stopthewhining.com

A snapshot of my morning for the past 21 days.

Me: Do you want milk?
Gabriel: Waaaaahhh!

Me: Do you want some cereal?
Gabriel: Uuuuuhhhhh!

Me: Let's play with your blocks.
Gabriel: No!

Me: Let's read a book.
Gabriel: Mmmmaaaamamamamama!

The whine.

I hate whining. I know I'm not alone. In fact, most people probably find this part of childhood particularly annoying. But for me, it's on a whole different level. Constant whining is my idea of life in hell.

Dictionary.com defines "whine" as:

1. to utter a low, usually nasal, complaining cry or sound, as from uneasiness, discontent, peevishness, etc.

2.	to snivel or complain in a peevish, self-pitying way

Peevish, self-pitying. Yep. That would describe what I've been hearing on a constant basis for the last 3 weeks. The sound of that "uuuuuhhhhhhh......" all day long in that distinct pitch of voice makes me want to set myself on fire.

Right now I'm working on a cure for whining. So far I'm 0 for 458. Is there hope? Is there relief from this stage? If your answer is "when they're 18 and out of your house," you are not helpful. Try again.

"I love being a girl"

I'm such a girl sometimes. I cry, I pout, I produce more drama in my life than I have executive rights for. I usually say way too much and have a difficult time saying no. I over-commit. And in the end, I usually feel completely overwhelmed.

But thank the good Lord above for girlfriends. Yesterday was a textbook case of the female breakdown. I called a bestie yesterday afternoon to discuss the said crisis for the week and completely melted in the car. There I was, driving down FM 407, mascara running down my face, wiping my nose on my sleeve, bawling into the phone, trying to get to my internship (a major source of my stress). I told her that I think I'm like Mrs. Incredible minus the "incredible" part. You know the part in The Incredibles where Mrs. Incredible has to save her children from the burning plane and so she has to stretch herself out like a balloon? That's me. Not the life-saving, courageous part. The stretched out to the limit part, with people clinging onto you, wanting something from you. (Dramatic, I told you.)

After sobbing to my friend for way too long, I said, "Do you know what I mean?" And she said, "Yes. I feel that way, too." Now, I'm not happy that she's neck deep this crap. I hurt for her. But, it is comforting to know that I'm not alone in the foxhole. I've got someone beside me that understands where I'm at and what I'm going through. And, after talking with her and asking for some prayer, I felt like I could be Mrs. Incredible just a little bit longer...but just until May.

A Move in the Right Direction

Finally.

Finally, I have peace about what's going on with Gabriel's lack of walking. Today, Michael and I had a chance to meet with three ladies who work with the ECI program (Early Childhood Intervention). They came over to our house around 1:00 this afternoon and took about two hours getting to know Gabriel. They asked LOTS of questions. And because of this I can finally rest a little easier knowing that my baby is going to be okay.

As I said, after asking us a slew of questions regarding Gabriel's development, it seemed to them that Gabriel is behind in his gross motor skills by about 6 months to be precise. And due to the gross motor skills lacking, his language skill development has taken a backseat. Thankfully, this has nothing to do with his brain development. In every other area he came back right on or ahead. He's just a SUPER TALL kid. (Just as a side note, we learned that Gabriel takes after me on the social front. The kid has the social skills of 27 month old! HA HA!) According to the very sweet and knowledgeable ladies (Ms. Lindsay, Ms. Liz, and Ms. Kim) that evaluated Gabriel, he's having a difficult time supporting himself because he's very tall and has a lot more weight to distribute that most kiddos his age. Ms. Lindsay reminded me (and I hit myself for forgetting this, being a development major), that when motor skills are lagging behind, language skills usually put on their breaks. Now, Michael and I suspected this for a while. We knew he wasn't walking, or even talking as much as other kids his age. But it was assuring to hear it come from a professional's mouth. The problem has always been where do we go from here. We get it. He's behind. But what do we do to catch him up? That's where ECI comes into play.

Gabriel qualified for their physical therapy program and will begin seeing a physical therapist, hopefully starting next week. Ms. Lindsay and Ms. Liz will be coming by twice a month to check on Gabriel's progress and to help us out in any way they can. In the meantime (before we meet with the PT), Ms. Lindsay gave us some exercises to do with Gabriel to get the ball rolling. Things we hadn't even thought of, like have him sit on a stool and put a desired object above him so he has to stand up and reach for it. We tried it today and he really tried to stand up on his own. We had lots of topples and spills, but after a while, he was getting better! AND, to show off, Gabriel decided to take FOUR steps while the ECI ladies were there. (Figures.)

Needless to say, I feel better about the situation and am relieved to know that someone is going to come and help us get Gabriel caught up. Thank you for those of you who have prayed for us. I'd like to ask that you keep praying that my Littlest improves each day! I'll keep you posted. Until then, here's to lots of bumps and bruises ahead!

Survival

We made it. Our first trip without Gabriel was a success. No, scratch that. It was FREAKIN' FANTASTIC! It's difficult for me to begin describing how incredible it is to take a trip post baby, with just your husband. I don't know how many people (if any people) read my blog, but if you do, you're a parent and you haven't taken a trip with just your hubby, stop what you're doing right now. Go online. BOOK A VACATION. This trip did wonders for my marriage. And there is nothing wrong with my marriage! I have an amazing, devoted, loving husband. But this trip re-energized us. We stayed in a phenomenal cabin (check out this website if you want to vacation in Colorado), ate great food, drank good drinks, and played, played, played! We went to Garden of the Gods, Cripple Creek, Cave of the Winds and Pikes Peak. We even got to have lunch with my cousin, Christina Von Fange Culver (awesome name, huh?) and her husband Randy. We had a blast. Here are just a few snap shots from our little adventure.

The love of my life!

Garden of the Gods. Breathtaking.
Our cozy "little" cabin.

The view behind our cabin.

Another view from behind the cabin.

The aspens outside our cabin. Beautiful!

A few visitors that stopped by our cabin.

Scary, I know.

It snowed the last night we were there!

My cousin, Christina Von Fange! Can you tell we're related?

Our our way up the Cog Railway to Pikes Peak!

The view atop Pikes Peak.

Who's having a better time? I don't think it's the sawdust stuffed ram.

Flippin' Cold. 18 degrees, -7 degree wind chill, 35 mph winds. Thought I was going to die.

Delicious hot donuts and hot chocolate at the top. Only $100 million dollars.

Alright, back to the story.

Now, I won't lie, it was hard leaving Littlest behind. I missed him every day. And every night when I would get to talk to him on the phone and all I could make out through the babbling was "Mama," I would almost cry. But then we'd say goodnight, it was done and we were back to having fun! Do you remember what it's like to go to dinner just with your husband? Stay out as late as you want? Go somewhere that doesn't require a kid friendly atmosphere? Just do whatever you want? If you're having issues remembering what this part of leisurely life is like, BOOK A VACATION.

God created marriage before He created procreation. He wants us to make sure that our marriage is in good standing so we can ensure our family is in good standing. Michael and I accepted this challenge and fulfilled it joyfully this past weekend. Have you put some time into making sure your marriage is in tip top shape? If it looks like your marriage may need a little TLC right now, take it from me: BOOK A VACATION.