A New Normal

Right after Dominic was born, I fell into a panic. My life seemed out of control. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage having two little ones. I'd forgotten how demanding a nursing infant could be and throwing in an attention seeking 3 year old was a variable I hadn't fully accounted for. In the hospital, I had my first "What the heck am I doing? Can I do this? How will I love both my children equally?" moment. My friends Sabrina, Kristen, and Shannon got to see this first hand. I began to sob. This was going to be hard and I didn't know how I was going to do it. When were things going to go back to normal? Then my friends gave me some perspective.

"You'll create a new normal."

At the time, I wasn't sure what this meant. Through the blur of my tears, I knew my friends were trying to be supportive and I appreciated them letting me be transparent about how inadequate I felt as a mom. Now, I'm 9 weeks into being a mother of two, and sure enough, I've created a new normal. Initially, it wasn't going so well. But after getting some help from my doctor and evening myself out, I was able to see a little clearer and grasp what being a mother of two was about. It's tough, no doubt about it. But I'm finding that it's very fulfilling. Right before my eyes, my "baby" has turned into a 3 year old, independent, more self-reliant individual. He's actually been a big help. He assists with diaper changes, and helping me carry things when I've got my hands full of his screaming brother. I've also gotten to witness the newly formed bond that Gabriel now has with Dominic. I was so nervous about how Gabriel would take to having to share our attention with this new little person. He's amazed me. He loves his brother so much and wants nothing more than to play with him, talk to him, make him smile, and give him hugs and kisses. The tenderness in his heart overwhelms me and I'm thankful that their brotherly relationship has started off well.


Getting anywhere on time with two children is a skill I have yet to master (and from what I hear from other parents, I may never master it). But I suppose that's part of my new normal as well. We're finally getting into a routine and I even got 5 full hours of sleep last night. (Granted, I did get up after 3 to check on him, just to make sure he was still breathing!) I'm settling into my new role as a mother of "sons," and I'm liking it. Dominic has added so much to our family and we're so happy he's apart of the plan that God has laid out for Michael and I. I'm sure there will still be several adjustments to our life along the way, but I think I'm finally at a point where I can navigate them with a little more grace.

Fluff Frenzy

Photo Credit: Love and Whimsy Photography

I didn't know it was possible to become addicted to diapers. Cloth diapers, that is. We are in love with them! Who knew that cute prints and fluffy little bottoms would be something I didn't get tired of?

We've been "CDing" it (cloth diapering) for 7 weeks now and I love it even more than I did when we first started. There are some that would be skeptical about starting to cloth diaper, but let me expel some myths for you about cloth diapering.

1. "I'll have to use pins and old Birdseye cloth diapers. What a hassle, not to mention unflattering."

Nope. Truth is there are so many options out there for cloth diapering mommies and daddies now that it can actually be like trying to find a prom dress. They're all so cute, but which ones do I choose? We have a variety of cloth diapers to choose from, which I like. I'm glad we aren't an "all one system" family. My husband has his favorites and I have mine. Surprisingly, my favorites are prefolds! (These are the ones that are most similar to the cloth diapers our grandparents used. But the upgrade is no pins and they have the most adorable diaper covers for them!) My husband prefers the pocket diapers. These are diapers you can use just like a disposable, except they're reusable! Each night after the diapers are clean and dry, I stuff microfiber inserts into the pocket liners and then they're ready to use the next morning. You put them on baby just like a regular diaper! Diaper changes are fast and easy!

2. "I'll have to spend so much money up front. We just can't afford it."

Well, this might be somewhat true but not completely. When you figure in the cost of buying newborn diapers for the first month or two, you've about covered your cost. The beauty of cloth diapering is you spend it once and don't have to spend money again! (Unless you get sucked into buying more diapers because they're so cute...not that I do that...) Cloth diapering can be done as little as around $100, upwards to $400-500. It just depends on the system you choose. As I mentioned, we chose a mixture of diapers including all-in-ones, pockets, prefolds, and fitteds. To date, I spent around $300 total. That included about 24 different diapers, diaper creams, detergent, snappies and a wet bag. I would have spent this on disposables within the first two or so months.

3. "They'll be so messy. Eww. Can't deal with all the poo."

Seriously? Have you ever used a disposable? They are notorious for blowouts and leaks! Another great thing about cloth diapers is that they fit around your child better to contain blowouts and leaks. Unlike a disposable, cloth diapers have elastic in the back, containing blowouts and leaks better. And washing them is a breeze. Because Dominic is strictly breastfed, his dirty diapers are totally water soluble. At night, I just toss the whole wet bag of diapers in and wash up! No mess, no hassle. When he starts solids, I'll have a nifty little device called a diaper sprayer that will just spray the poo off into the toilet. No dunking and swirling required. And really, if you're afraid of poo, you might rethink being a parent if you haven't had kids yet. Poo is inevitable, as is spit up, vomit, and getting peed on. Get used to it.


4. "It's a total pain to wash all those diapers. And you're using up so much water!"
Wrong. It's easy. I actually look forward to doing my diaper laundry. I know that sounds strange since I dispise all other kinds of laundry. But doing fluffy laundry is fun! How can you deny that a full clothesline of diapers is stinkin' cute? And if we're talking about harming the environment, have you considered how many disposable diapers are just sitting in landfills, NOT breaking down? Billions! Sure, we use a little more water now that we're doing an extra load of laundry a day. But compared to the harm those disposables are doing in landfills, I think my conscience can rest happily knowing I'm not putting another diaper in our landfills.

Photo Credit: Love and Whimsy Photography

5. "They're not practical for out and about usage."
Sure they are! That's why amazing women (and men) around the globe have come up with new and improved cloth diapering systems that cater to busy parents. Packing up a few cloth diapers when I go out is no more impractical than carrying several disposables in a diaper bag. I have a little wet bag that I keep in my diaper bag that the used diaper can go into. Then I take it home and wash it up with the rest of the day's diapers. Now I realize that cloth diapering can intimate folks that are not used to it or have no experience with it. I haven't jumped ship entirely and abandoned disposables all together. If I were leaving my child in the church nursery, at this point, I'd probably send my baby in a disposable. But if it's just me, toolin' around town, we're CDing all the way! They're no more of a pain than changing a disposable and I can use my diapers all over again the next day!

As I stated in an earlier post about cloth diapering, we are not doing this entirely for the "green" reasons. Our driving force behind cloth diapering our son was to save money. Let's face it, times are tough and money's tight in a one income household. You've got to pinch pennies where you can. We've found that cloth diapering our baby is an easy and fun way to do this. I'm not against disposables for others. If that works best for you, go for it. But this system has been life changing for us and I wish I had figured CDing out earlier and had used them for Gabriel. We could have saved thousands of dollars, literally.

If you're throwing around the idea of CDing your babies, I'd encourage you to do a lot of research to figure out what system would work best for you. You might want to use a hybrid system like me, or maybe you've fallen in love with a particular brand. Give it a shot and try it out for a couple months. In the end, if you try it out and don't like it (which I haven't heard many that don't) you can always go back. All you've spent is a couple months worth of diapers. Check out great information websites like theclothdiaperwhisperer.com, kellyscloset.com, jackbenatural.com, and diaperjungle.com. These are just a few sites that have great information and are great places to purchase cloth. Or host a diaper party! I did this (see Febuary's posts for my experience with this), and loved it. It was so informative and allowed me to really decide what kind of system I'd want to invest in. Bottom line, consider it. My guess is you'll fall in love with it too. Then you may be trying to figure out how to come up with extra money to purchase more fluff for your baby...not that I do that either.

Snowed In

Back in 2003, as I was waving goodbye to the Kansas and Oklahoma borders and saying a big hello to the state of Texas, I never thought I would miss my good ol' home state. This week, reminded me of the fondness I have for dear old Kansas.

On Tuesday, Texas experienced a true "Arctic Blast" (a phrase used a least once a year here to describe a few snowflakes falling). This year was different than years past, as Texas got more than it bargained for. Starting early Tuesday morning freezing rain and then sleet, along with frigid temps began beating on homes, businesses, and streets across the state and before you knew it, the great DFW metroplex was shut down. And I mean literally shut down. People didn't, and really couldn't leave their homes. By the end of Tuesday, at least in our neighborhood, we had about one and a half inches of ice everywhere.

Now it is a known fact that Texans have absolutely no clue what to do with true winter weather. This Kansas girl often laughs and becomes cynical of people whining about the annual snow apocalypse. But I have to say, this time around, it was really bad. So bad, schools around the metroplex were canceled for four days! My husband even stayed home those four days because there was no way he could drive the car on the streets, even with our four wheel drive. Apparently DFW has not seen the value in investing in salt trucks...

But today, day four of being stuck and frozen, beauty was brought in. Snow started falling early this morning and by 7 am the ground was blanketed in white. Cars were still not moving on the streets, but the temps had risen to a balmy 18 degrees. As I let our dachshund outside, I smiled, seeing the little birds hoping from branch to branch behind our house, tweeting a sweet song to welcome the day. My heart swelled and I thought of Kansas. This kind of weather is a pretty common occurrence in the Heartland, but I don't think I appreciated the beauty of it until I moved to Texas and had been so far away from it.



Now I won't lie, it's been a challenge to keep my two year old cooped up inside this house the past week. I thought I was about to go crazy if I couldn't get him outside and burn off some energy. But God smiled and blessed us with warmer temperatures, some sunshine and a lot of fun snow to roll around in....and by us, I mean my two year old and his 8 month pregnant mommy. That's right, 34 weeks pregnant and I made a snow angel right along with my son. Here's to you, Kansas. I miss you and your four seasons.

4 to 6 weeks

It's officially happening. God is starting to prepare me for the arrival of a second child. The nights of full sleep, or even just waking up once to pee are officially over. It's now up to pee 3-4 times and rolling over every 45 minutes or so each night. My days of sleep and feeling rested are over, at least for a year.

And surprisingly, I'm okay with that.

33 weeks pregnant and measuring at 35. EEK!

Dominic's going to be officially joining our family in just a month or so and I'm starting to get a little nervous. People are constantly asking me, "Are you excited?" Well, yes. I'm excited to meet this new child that God has blessed us with and allowed me to be a mother of. But am I excited about losing time with my first child, losing sleep and possibly losing my mind from being busy and overwhelmed? Um, no. I'm a wee bit frightened.

But I have to say, I think I'm going into the arrival of this baby with much more mental preparation than I did with Gabriel. Here are just a few things I've learned from Baby 1 to Baby 2.

1. The first 3-4 weeks will totally suck. There is no getting around it. There will be no sleep. I will be completely exhausted. But it will eventually end and I will get into a rhythm.

2. I will absolutely take all the help I can get from family and friends. I am not super mom and God has put these people in my life for a reason. Sometimes that reason will be to take Gabriel on a play date or hold Dominic while I take a shower. I am not above asking for help.

3. The laundry and the dishes will pile up. Eventually I will get to them, but I am not going to stress out if my house is not vaccuumed and everything is not in it's proper place.

4. My husband is my biggest ally. We will work as a team to transition our family from 3 to 4.

And the biggest thing I learned from Baby 1 to Baby 2 -

5. If I start to get sad or depressed, it's okay. But I will immediately let my doctor know and take action to get out of my slump as quickly as possible. I will not isolate myself from others and will try to get out into the world as quickly as I can.

I realize that with Baby 2, new insights will be realized and if/when we have Baby 3, I'll have even more things to add to that list. Right now, Baby D is measuring about 2 weeks early, so the arrival of our newest little guy could be here in just a month. Hopefully the transition to having a new child and Gabriel's transition to having a new brother will go smoother than I could ever imagine. Here's to God stretching me.

On another note related to preparing for Dominic's arrival, we've been working hard on getting his room ready. Michael and I cleaned out our guest bedroom, strategically hiding more junk in the garage and attic. Michael's been amazing, painting Dominic's room and being his perfectionist designer self, adding little touches that will make his room unique. I've been sewing like crazy and putting together Dominic's bedding set. I decided to make his bedding this time around and am happy to say that it's turning out fantastic! So far, I have the crib skirt and one crib sheet done. I'm about halfway done with his blanket, but it's coming along great too. I've included a couple of snap shots of his room and bedding in progress. It's not finished yet, but it's really coming together nicely and should be finished in the next couple of weeks. Our little guy is going to be stylin'!

I also celebrated turning the big 3-0 with an amazing 80's themed birthday party that Michael hosted for me. It was so much fun! Seeing an 8 month pregnant girl dressed in flash dance attire is a sight to see, by the way. I didn't even think it was possible to get my bangs that high anymore. My friends were great, dressing up and really getting into the theme of the evening.


I know the next several weeks are going to fly by and before we know it, we'll be a family of four. Right now, I'm just so thankful to be surrounded by good friends and family that are willing to come on the ride with us!

The Year was 1981....

Today is the day. I'm officially in a new age bracket. Today is the day I turned 30. And on such days, it's fun to look back at what was going on the year you were born. Back in 1981:

1. The first DeLorean sports cars roll off the assembly line.

2. Prince Charles and Diana Spencer marry July 29.

3. Music Television was born

4. Tom Cruise makes his acting debut.

5. Sandra Day O'Connor becomes first female Supreme Court Justice.

6. A stamp only cost $.15!

7. The 1st space shuttle called the Columbia launches for the first time.

8. Olivia Newton John's song, "Let's Get Physicial" is a number one hit.

9. The US Agriculture Department tries making ketchup a school lunch vegetable

10. Atari releases home version of Pac-Man in the US and sparks a huge craze

It seems to me that most people "my age" don't really freak out too much about turning 30, and I didn't think I would either. But to be honest, it's a little unnerving to say that I'm no longer in my 20's. Not that I feel like I'm old and playing my last round, but there's something different, something, "maturing", about turning 30. Here are just a few things I've realized about myself now that I'm thirty and officially an adult.

1. Coloring my hair is no longer just for fun. It really is a necessity to hide all those grays.

2. Staying up past midnight is absolutely crazy and if I chose to be so nuts, it will take me at least 24 to 48 hours to recover from loss of sleep.

3. My body does not bounce back the way it once did.

4. I now relish a cup of coffee.

5. Naps are a gift from God.

6. The experience of being a wife and a mother far out-way the fun I had as a 20 something girl, playing the field.

7. Staying at home on a Friday night, curled up on the couch with my husband is my idea of a fabulous date.

8. Friendships are not disposable and it's important to put forth the effort to keep them active, alive and healthy.

9. Staying true to my convictions as a Christ follower are of greater importance than trying to fit in with the main stream society.

10. God willing, I've only lived a third of my life!

Those are just ten of many things I've realized and I'm sure the next 30 years will bring about more epiphanies. I know in just the upcoming year I have a lot to look forward to! Here's to you 30. May you be the beginning of a great era in my life.

The Christmas Card Debate

I was recently flipping through a magazine and came across an article on the outgoing trend of sending Christmas cards. The author seemed very sure that this was an "old-fashioned, out-dated" tradition and that we should all embrace technology and do away with the old through-the-mail ritual. This saddened me.

For as long as I can remember, my Grandma Phyllis would always send out an annual Christmas card and a Christmas newsletter. They were so much fun to receive for a variety of reasons. The first was that you could always look forward to getting something in the mail that was not a bill. The second reason was to see how many Guidepost/LWML/Feed the Children stickers she would slap on the envelope. The third, and most important was the annual family newsletter. Grandma would document to all on the mailing list what was happening in her own life as well as the lives of her children and grandchildren. Even though I was always able to be present at most of these detailed events, it was fun to have a yearly account of what went on in all our lives.

As I became an adult, I decided that when I got married, I wanted to carry on that tradition with my own family. So the first year Michael and I were married, we sat down and wrote our first Christmas letter. It was fun to see what we had accomplished over the year and where we wanted to go for the next year. The first couple of years, we received oodles of cards and newsletters similar to ours. It was such a great way to stay in touch with those you went to college with or friends who had since moved away. I loved receiving pictures of my friends and their kids, seeing how each family had changed or remained exactly the same over the year. But as time as gone by, the letters/cards have gotten fewer and fewer. To be frank, it feels as though the merriment of Christmas cards has dwindled. Of the 50 people we send out cards to each year, I think we've only received about 15 actual cards in reciprocation. I believe this is a result of one of two things. Either we are loosing friends and being cut from lists (which I pray is not the case), or people are doing away with this age-old tradition. Maybe I'm particular, but there's something much more special to me about receiving a real card and update from friends and family in the actual mail, than receiving an e-card or a generic "Merry Christmas" to everyone I know on Facebook.

What do you think? The only con I see for sending out the cards is the cost of postage and the cards themselves if you're trying to cut back. But I believe the pros outweigh the cons considerably. My hope is that my friends, family, and readers of my blog that do send out letters/cards will continue to carry on this tradition. You're helping spread Christmas cheer to our family for sure!

Merry Christmas!!

The Next Chapter

Several years ago, I decided that I wanted to be a counselor when I grew up. And for the past seven, I've been working, slowly and steadily (as I know that's what wins the race), to complete this master's level degree. About a month ago, all of that schooling, time away from my family, and hours of studying was finally put to the test. In Mid-September, I took the long journey to Dallas to take the most difficult exam in the history of the universe....okay, maybe not, but still it is tough.

After pouring over exhaustive questions for two and a half hours, the computer system requires you to take an "exit survey". The survey asks you questions about the ease of the test administration, the friendliness of the staff, blah, blah, blah. I don't even remember what I said. What I do remember is after I hit submit, the biggest knot in my stomach erupted and I thought I might hurl. This feeling, combined with being 12 weeks pregnant and still very nauseated did not sit well. I rushed up to the counter and a sweet little lady greeted me.

"Well, honey, how did it go?"

I took in a deep breath, trying to push down my breakfast, wishing she'd be a little quicker at handing over my scores.

"I'm not sure. But that was definitely the hardest exam I have ever taken in my life."

As she reached across the printer to hand me my scores, I threw up a prayer to God, knowing that whatever the outcome, He has plans for me and those plans were to be prosperous. He also told me over and over again that morning not be anxious about anything, but I was struggling with that one. The sweet woman finally locates my name in the stack of test results, hands me my scores and looks at me hopefully, waiting for my reaction. I feverishly scan the sheet, just looking for the words pass or fail. After about 30 secs, I spot it in the upper right hand corner of the paper.

PASS.

I let out a scream, and then quickly covered my mouth (as other people were still taking exams), and began jumping up and down. The sweet little lady giggled, embraced me in a hug and we jumped up and down together a couple of times. I couldn't believe it.

I was finally going to be a legitimate counselor.

That was a month ago. Now we're at the present. I still haven't actually applied for my license, as the five year time limit to complete your internship begins as soon as you receive your license. What's the hold up, you might ask? Well, back to reality. I think I mentioned that I'm pregnant, now close to 19 weeks into this journey and finally starting to feel good. I'm ready to get back to work, but Michael and I are trying to figure out what's sensible and realistic. Do I go back to work for 3-4 months, only to take maternity leave for 2 months later? What employer is going to go for that?

We've relied on God's guidance throughout our marriage, especially when big decisions were at hand. This is no exception. I'm believing that God will reveal to us His will and where He wants to take our family, having faith in His timing. What's the next step in our little, expanding family's journey? Guess we'll have to wait and see...although it sure would be nice to get a call or e-mail from Jesus with his tentative schedule for us.

It's a S-L-O-W Process

Well, it's the middle of August and guess what? I have yet to take the NCE (National Counselors Exam). Sometimes processes tend to be much more complicated and time consuming than they need to be. I found out after waiting a month and a half that the fee for taking the exam went up $40!! Who raises an exam fee by $40?!? And why does an exam really need to cost $200? On top of all the other money I've got to spend to obtain a license. Shesh.

But complaining aside, I "should" be set to take that sucker come the third week in September. I'm so excited to finally be done listening to Dr. Howard Rosenthal and be OFFICIAL. I'm still searching out an internship, which also seems to be dragging out. It's been difficult to find a site that is relatively close to home. Proximity is important because Gabriel is starting Mother's Day Out in the fall and it's only for 5 hours, 3 days a week. We're excited that he's going to have the opportunity to make some new friends and that I'm going to be able to start having big kid interactions and a regular basis. I'm trusting that God is going to lead me right where He wants me to be.

The 30 Day Challenge

I get all my best ideas when I'm in the shower, and this day did not disappoint. As I'm trying not to get soap in my eyes, I begin reflecting on the countless times I have failed meeting my healthy living goals. I stink at eating right, I'm horrible at counting calories, and working out is a joke.

But why?

If you were to read my journals, you'd see they're littered with outcries to God to give me the motivation and the will power to make a change that would stick. A change that would push me to get rid of the extra weight having a child can leave behind. A change that would encourage me to choose a carrot over carrot cake.

Then it dawned on me, why don't I make this a game? I have a bit of a competitive nature in me, even if the competition is myself. What if I set up the game to include a prize at the end. I really liked where this was going. And through my routine of lather, rinse, repeat, I came up with this.

The 30 Day Challenge:
For 30 days (5 weeks total - M-F only), the contestant (that's me) will do the following: will get up by 6:00 or 6:30 each morning, have quiet time, and then do 30-60 minutes of physical activity. This activity may include workout DVDs, going for a power walk (Remember, no running aloud. Doctor's orders.), or after child gets up, taking him on a walk in his stroller. If the morning gets thrown off with child waking up early or it's raining, or some other act of God occurs, then working out will be done in the evening after child goes to bed.

This challenge must be met for 30 consecutive days, where upon meeting said challenge, the contestant will win a prize! However, should the contestant miss even one day in the 30 days, the challenge starts over from the beginning.

What do you think? Was I enlightened? Guess we'll just have to see how effective it is in the next 5 weeks. Day one was tonight. So far, so good. I'm following it up by tracking my food intake at Spark People (they have a great app for the iPhone too). It's like Weight Watchers for F-R-E-E. This added portion to the challenge would consist of logging everything I eat. Not just the good things, but everything. Even the bad. It may seem daunting, but I have hope. I have excitement. It's now a real challenge.

Now I have to figure out what the prize will be....hmm....I'm thinking a Coach purse might be in my future.

Survival

We made it. Our first trip without Gabriel was a success. No, scratch that. It was FREAKIN' FANTASTIC! It's difficult for me to begin describing how incredible it is to take a trip post baby, with just your husband. I don't know how many people (if any people) read my blog, but if you do, you're a parent and you haven't taken a trip with just your hubby, stop what you're doing right now. Go online. BOOK A VACATION. This trip did wonders for my marriage. And there is nothing wrong with my marriage! I have an amazing, devoted, loving husband. But this trip re-energized us. We stayed in a phenomenal cabin (check out this website if you want to vacation in Colorado), ate great food, drank good drinks, and played, played, played! We went to Garden of the Gods, Cripple Creek, Cave of the Winds and Pikes Peak. We even got to have lunch with my cousin, Christina Von Fange Culver (awesome name, huh?) and her husband Randy. We had a blast. Here are just a few snap shots from our little adventure.

The love of my life!

Garden of the Gods. Breathtaking.
Our cozy "little" cabin.

The view behind our cabin.

Another view from behind the cabin.

The aspens outside our cabin. Beautiful!

A few visitors that stopped by our cabin.

Scary, I know.

It snowed the last night we were there!

My cousin, Christina Von Fange! Can you tell we're related?

Our our way up the Cog Railway to Pikes Peak!

The view atop Pikes Peak.

Who's having a better time? I don't think it's the sawdust stuffed ram.

Flippin' Cold. 18 degrees, -7 degree wind chill, 35 mph winds. Thought I was going to die.

Delicious hot donuts and hot chocolate at the top. Only $100 million dollars.

Alright, back to the story.

Now, I won't lie, it was hard leaving Littlest behind. I missed him every day. And every night when I would get to talk to him on the phone and all I could make out through the babbling was "Mama," I would almost cry. But then we'd say goodnight, it was done and we were back to having fun! Do you remember what it's like to go to dinner just with your husband? Stay out as late as you want? Go somewhere that doesn't require a kid friendly atmosphere? Just do whatever you want? If you're having issues remembering what this part of leisurely life is like, BOOK A VACATION.

God created marriage before He created procreation. He wants us to make sure that our marriage is in good standing so we can ensure our family is in good standing. Michael and I accepted this challenge and fulfilled it joyfully this past weekend. Have you put some time into making sure your marriage is in tip top shape? If it looks like your marriage may need a little TLC right now, take it from me: BOOK A VACATION.

Preparations

My husband reached a great milestone today. He crossed the threshold to wisdom and clarity. Ah yes, the threshold that is: Turning Thirty.


To celebrate this monumental occasion, we did what most people do: book a trip and leave the kid behind. That's right, we're going on our first trip without Gabriel. I have to admit, as the day draws near, I'm getting increasingly more anxious. Can we really leave Gabriel behind for four whole days? Will he survive without us? Will he even miss us or remember who we are when we return? (I never said my thoughts weren't ridiculous.)


My parents have been gracious enough to make the 7 hour commute to watch him while we're away and although I know he's in very capable hands, I still have worries. What if he gets a fever? What if he breaks a limb? What if he, God-forbid, gets the swine flu? Then there's the other irrational side of the coin. What if we die in a car wreck? What if we get mauled by a bear? What if a mountain lion eats me in the middle of the night? What will Gabriel do?

With these preposterous ideas floating around, we decided that God was trying to tell us to be prepared. Okay, maybe God wasn't really saying that...He was probably saying, "Trust me," but my initial interpretation (and they say you should always go with your gut instinct right?) was to be extra cautious. We'll trust Him AND be prepared. So, we created "The Will." (dun, dun, dun!) Definitely not the most fun conversation to have with your husband who is reaching a pivotal moment in his life. But a necessary one to have nonetheless. Good news is, it's done.

Now, with only 4 days left until departure, I must get in loads of hugs, kisses and snuggles with my favorite Littlest Buddy. Even though I know I'll see him again in only a few short days, I'm going to take each day to love him like it's the last time I'll see him. And then, live it up with my husband, my lover, my best friend, my everything for a well needed and well deserved vacation sans child. Here's to new "firsts".

Whining

Warning: This posting is going to be a frustration vent. Nothing more. If you're the type of person that only likes to read happy-go-lucky things on a blog, look elsewhere today, my friend. I'm disgruntled.

Alright, now that the warning has been served to the masses, I'll begin. As many know, my son is not walking. This frustrates me. Gabriel is now 16 months old and sporting a very healthy and trim 30lbs, but still manages to elude walking. It's not that he can't do it (or so I think), it's that he won't. 90% of kids his age are already walking. It frustrates me that my kid is in that 10% group that isn't. There's nothing wrong with his development, I know that. I just want him to pick up the pace and catch up with the 90% of other kids his age that are moving on two legs!

Now, please refrain from telling me, "Oh you just wait until he is walking, then you'll never be able to catch him. You'll be sorry you even mentioned it. You'll wish he was still crawling. Your life will be over once he's on the go...blah, blah, blah." To those folk who love to give this sort of unsolicited "advice" (is that what it would be called?), shut up. I don't want to hear it.

My back hurts.

My son can't go to the playground with kids his age because he can't walk.

He gets called "the bouncer" at church.

These things irritate me. I'm sure some mothers out there are thinking, "Well, she's being a little irrational. My brother's sister's cousin's next door neighbor's nephew didn't walk until he was 18 months old and they're just fine." Great for them. If you are one of those mothers though who likes to discredit my frustrations with generalized responses such as that, put yourself in my shoes. Would you enjoy having to carry a solid 30 lbs of anything around with you all the time? Would you enjoy having to constantly hear your son or daughter be called "the heavyweight, or the bouncer" in their "baby" class at church because they can't move up with the walkers yet until their actually walking? Would you enjoy having to dope yourself with Excedrin and Extra Strength Advil every night just to go to sleep, because your back is screaming in pain? Would you enjoy having your son/daughter not be able to participate in various activities with other kids their age because he/she can't walk? My guess is your answer would be, "Well, no..."

Now, as I said, I'm venting. I know things could be worse. I know he'll walk eventually. But I never said patience was a virtue for me. I'm a fallen woman and embracing the cultural norm of "I want relief now." That's all. Hopefully in the next couple weeks it will come.

The Internship

Got some great news this week. I nailed down my practicum site. WOOHOO! I'm so excited. You may or may not know, but I'm working on my master's degree in counseling right now. I've now reached the point in my program where I actually get to try out what I've been learning to do. And, starting in August, I'm going to be working with kids and their families at the Children's Advocacy Center. It's a little scary to think that I'm really going to be responsible for counseling people, especially children. But, I'm hopeful that I'll be well trained, supervised and will get a LOT of feedback on how to improve my craft.

My heart beats strongly for the kids that come through this center. For those that don't know what the Children's Advocacy Center does, let me enlighten you. The CAC works with children that have been sexually abused. These kids come to the center to tell their story and to work with counselors, the police and child protective services. The goal is to offer a service that assists in the healing process these kids so desperately need. The staff works hard to prepare these kids to testify in court when they have to face their perpetrator(s). They not only use individual and group counseling techniques, but they offer special services to the children and their families, such as dog and equine assisted therapy. They also team up with a group called BACA. Click on the link to learn more about this awesome program. I'm telling you, this center does amazing things.

I know that this practicum experience is going to be hard. I know it's going to be challenging. But, I also know that it will be rewarding to be apart of the healing that's going to take place in the lives of these children that have been so unfairly wounded. Here's to learning and to helping others.

We have arrived

It's time to unbuckle our seat belts, step out of the car into the baking hot sun and take a look around. We've done it, kids. We're here.

Our family has been going through some "stretching" as of late. Much of it has been needed, but I won't lie to you. It's been a hard thing to go through. Often times, things don't go as planned. Some things don't work out. But one thing I know for sure. After going through this forced stretching, you will come out a stronger person and better off.

This week our lives start anew. We're going to be experiencing some firsts. And we're excited about it.

Alright, enough with the vague reflections. For those that know what's going on: we're doing great, things are looking up, and we're ready to move forward.

Let the Weening Begin!

It's been a year since my little guy, Gabriel, graced us with his presence and it's been a year since I began the journey (and I don't say that lightly) of breastfeeding.

Nursing my children was always something I'd dreamed of doing. From several classes and studies, I knew that it was the best nutrition for infants and it was an incredible way to bond with my baby. What I was not prepared for was how much work it was going to be. I did not have the typical nursing experience. It was hard and didn't come naturally at all. The first several months of Gabriel's life, I was constantly worried that he wasn't getting enough to eat. The doctor, as well as other moms, suggested that I supplement with formula. But I really didn't want to go down that route. Primarily because of the cost and also the concern that if I started him on formula, he wouldn't want to nurse anymore. That was an experience I didn't want to cut short.

But after many tears, long days/nights and the help of metoclopramide (Reglan), I can say that I've done it! Here I am a year later and I've been nursing Gabriel the whole time. We made it through our rough patches and he's a happy, healthy little boy. Now, before any of you get your panties in a bunch, I don't think there is ANYTHING WRONG with using formula. For some mommies, it's the only option. It was almost a reality for us. But I do think that if you can breastfeed, you should. For those mommies who are struggling, there is support out there!! Don't give up!! Persistence, medication and utilizing a ton of resources saved my breastfeeding experience. And it's been worth ever amount of frustration and ever tear that's been shed.

Now that journey is coming to an end. I'm in the process of weening Gabriel, which is proving to be hard, physically and emotionally. I think what's going to be the hardest to let go of is the last feeding of the night, where I get to nurse him off to dreamland. I'll miss the closeness that we have shared, having him fall asleep in my arms. But he's growing up fast, becoming more independent and it's time. I'm proud of myself that I made it a year. I think the American Academy of Pediatrics would be proud too.

If you have a second, say a prayer for me. Say a prayer for him. And say a prayer that we don't have to put chocolate in the cow's milk to get it to go down his throat!!!